I've Been Without You Once Before
by seh28
Summary: It's senior year and 2 years since Danny Desai has returned to Green Grove. However, he and Lacey are not together. An exploration and dissection into the agonizing paradigm otherwise known as "just friends."
1. I'm Not Unhappy

**Author's Note: This story is probably, most likely going to be angst through and through. There will be moments of other, more lighter material, but the majority of it is going to be angst, no holds barred. So prepare yourselves according. Don't forget to review! Reviews are a life source for writers. **

* * *

Chapter 1: I'm Not Unhappy

Lacey tapped her pencil in a quickened, hasty manner against the notebook in front of her. Her textbook and various school supplies lay on the booth table along side the notebook, as she made her second attempt to refocus her attention on where it should be. Her attempt was met with the same impermeable obstacle that had been halting her concentration for the past 10 minutes. She stared out the diner window as her mind began reeling once more. She didn't know why he had been taking up so much space in her mind lately. Actually, that was untrue. She did know why. It was always this way with her and him. She'd go weeks feeling like they could successfully exist in a certain space, but before long he would look at her in a striking way, or say something specific that caught her off guard or they'd have the type of fight that wasn't normal or customary for friends to have, and she was right back where she didn't want to me. Doubting herself and her choice. Trying to ascertain if she had made the right decision when Danny had returned to school after being cleared of Regina's murder, and if she'd made worse and more compromising ones since then.

They hadn't been a couple in almost two years. Some days it seemed to be a tolerable existence, one they both managed as best they could. Other days she felt herself purposely avoiding him, because anything he did or said instantly sucked all the air out of her lungs. Almost the way darkness falls on a room when you hit a light switch, expansively and immediately.

She thought about their lack of coupledom and what that actually meant in the grand scheme of things. Because when she thought about the nature of their relationship, she tried to be as honest and forthcoming as she could bear, but sometimes that proved to be a futile attempt. In truth, they had a terrible fight just five months prior. The type of fight that most would have characterized as one that would end a couple, but yet they weren't a couple, so it didn't have the capacity to end them. They were in some unfamiliar space that she liked to label as "just friends" and he liked to not assign a definition to. But they definitely weren't together. But that didn't mean that they hadn't slept together almost a year ago, which Lacey still felt an unrelenting sense of guilt about. Because it was her fault, she had started it and he expertly obliged, after attempting to talk her out of it. Which, in and of itself, was supremely baffling at the time. And then a few months before that, they'd had an almost close call involving each other's lips and body parts, but had managed to disengage before it went all the way.

So, when she thought about it in its totality, there had only been two pertinent, insanely inappropriate encounters in almost two years. Which wasn't that terrible. She'd actually managed to keep it together and on something that resembled a platonic level more often then not, those ridiculous fights one of them would get pulled into against their on accord, aside. Sometimes they would even be afforded shared laughs and jokes when all the necessary elements seemed to line up just right, and their moods weren't being dangled on the hinge of the fact that they weren't together. Sometimes it was really good between them, though those moments seemed transient. There was always that part that was inherently omitted that she secretly and silently ached for. The part that she had convinced herself that she just couldn't have.

It was also, not as if they hadn't tried to be together. They had. Once he had returned to school they were together for three months before things started to unravel. She had tried to make it work, and he had tried harder, but eventually it was in shambles and she felt more confused and dejected than she had in a long time. Sometimes she felt like they just couldn't handle one another. Almost as if their unwavering depth of feelings and the laden intensity that existed between them, wasn't something meant for people barely 18. But that didn't stop her from caring about him so completely, and telling him so. Because on many occasions she would verbalize to him how much she worried about him. About his choices, about his lack of vision, about what he was going to do when this high school thing was all over. She wanted so badly for him to reach the full expanse of his boundless potential, but had seen him, countless times, not even give it a second thought.

She knew he was dealing with a lot. She sensed it. He'd never say as much but when you'd gone through half the things that he'd been through in his 18 years, you'd surely be a bit worse for the wear too. His lack of willingness to express himself honestly and clearly when it came to his feelings, his experiences and his issues was one of the reasons that Lacey had suggested they just be friends. He had a way of assuming he protected people through his silence. As if he thought they couldn't handle his reality and his truth, or rather, that they shouldn't have to. Even if they desperately tried to figure it out. Even if they attempted to decipher it amongst the remains of the young man still standing.

So instead of sharing and dealing with it, his actions and reactions became a testament to how disgruntled and lost he really was. He was a bit of an enigma that walked around the halls of Green Grove high. Most of the girls were secretly or even blatantly obsessed with him, half of the guys out and out feared him. His temper was disastrous at times. He'd gotten in a series of fights, most of them off of school property, which was probably the only reason he hadn't been expelled, though he had been suspended twice for threats made or fights that took place on school grounds. He was still a member of the soccer team, though not the captain because those privileges had been revoked due to his lack of judgement. He didn't have plans for after graduation, unlike she and Jo, and pretty much all of their friends. He still maintained a bit of that manipulation whenever it served or was useful to him, which was probably one of the top three reasons he'd graduate. But Lacey still worried about what would happen after that, when she and Jo left and he was still there. What would he do? Would he be okay? Who would talk sense into him? Who would take care of him? It rattled her nerves and unsettled her to her core when she pondered those questions for too long.

"Lacey..."

Lacey attention was instantly pulled out of her thoughts and towards the person sitting across from her in the booth. She instantly chastised herself for how engrossed she had gotten in her head. Especially because she was supposed to be focused. She had way too much to do to be going in circles about Danny and his future ad nauseum.

"Yeah, sorry." Lacey offered to her friend, flashing a small and quick smile. "I just got distracted for a minute."

"What's going on?" Jo asked directly, putting her own pen down and surveying her friends face. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah no, I'm fine," Lacey brushed off her friend's concern, as she attempted to hone back in on her textbook. "No big deal."

"Lacey," Jo offered sincerely, not buying what her friend was trying to sell her. She could tell that something was clearly bothering her and she wanted to help if she could.

"I'm just stressed out," Lacey breathed as she ran her free hand through her hair. "It's nothing. We're all stressed, it's senior year, they're so much going on."

"Is it about Danny?" Jo questioned directly as she eyed her friend closely.

"Not everything is about Danny, Jo." Lacey scoffed, feigning a bit of righteous indignation. But more than anything, she was hauntingly met with the sound of his name in the air and Jo's immense accuracy regarding what was truly bothering her.

"No, you're right." Jo assessed, as she sat back on her side of the booth and loosely crossed her arms. "Everything isn't about him. But where you're concerned many times it is about him. What happened now?"

"Nothing," Lacey offered almost hurriedly, she hated the way Jo used the word "now", as if something was always happening between them that shouldn't be, when that wasn't the case. As if they were in a perpetual state of getting caught doing something they weren't supposed to be doing. A couple of missteps aside, they were actually within the scope of normal friendship. Or at least that's what she told herself. "Nothing happened. I've just been... I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking about what happens after all of this, you know?"

"You mean after we graduate?" Jo asked, knowing exactly where this conversation was going, because she'd definitely entertained the same thoughts lately.

"Yeah," Lacey admitted lightly, a bit of sadness tinged her eyes. "I mean, we're both going away to college. Most of us are. So what? He's just going to stay here? And do what?"

"No, I know," Jo sighed as she looked at one friend, and thought about the other. "He and I have had that conversation."

"And what does he say?" Lacey questioned easily.

"Just that it doesn't matter or that he'll figure it out. He immediately changed the subject." Jo explained. "You know he doesn't like thinking about what it's going to be like without us."

"I don't like thinking about it either," Lacey pointed out briskly, pushing a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to think about the direction my life is going in."

"I almost thought about sending in applications for him," Jo admitted ruefully. "But that wouldn't even guarantee that he'd go. He said he'd just go to community if he wanted to go to school."

"I just don't get it because he's so smart," Lacey sighed deeply, as she briefly squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose. "If only he would apply himself. Charm and wit can only get you so far."

"You're right," Jo agreed, watching the apparent unrest and anxiety that was currently plaguing Lacey. "But you do kind of get it, don't you?"

"What?" Lacey questioned with a surprised air in her voice. "No, I don't. Why should I?"

"Never mind," Jo offered, realizing that maybe she wasn't in the state to hear any of this. It may only compound the problem. "Forget I said anything."

"Well you haven't yet," Lacey corrected her, her eyes watching her closely, trying to gauge what she was going to say. "So say it."

"I've said this to you before," Jo warned. "And you didn't want to hear it."

"Okay, well try again." Lacey professed. "Maybe I'll be more receptive this time."

"You know he's unhappy because you guys aren't together." Jo stated plainly, watching her friend's face diligently for a reaction.

"So I'm the reason he's unhappy?" Lacey posed bluntly, irritation lacing her voice chords. The guilt started to fill her body.

"I didn't say that," Jo asserted firmly. "I think that his unhappiness stems from the fact that you two are not together. I think yours does too, to be honest."

"Me?" Lacey asked as her hand clutched her chest, her voice full of surprise and a look of shock plastered on her face. "I'm not unhappy."

"Okay." Jo offered with literally no sincerity attached to the utterance.

Lacey watched her friend silently without offering a retort for that clearly weak attempt at agreeing. She didn't think she was unhappy, at least not really. She was a jumbled myriad of things at any given time to be categorized as one thing so absolutely. She was just doing what she thought was best. She was doing what she said she would. The alternative option had already been vetted and the outcome was debilitating.

"Think about it from his perspective for a second," Jo offered gently as she watched Lacey's gears turning in her head. "We're leaving him. In a matter of months we're leaving him. But I'm only going to be a state away, you're going to be across the country."

"You think I'm running?" Lacey stated more than questioned. She could tell what she was inferring, by the way Jo spoke of the differences between the geographical locations of their respective universities.

"I don't know," Jo responded thoughtfully. "Maybe."

"You think he thinks that?" Lacey questioned carefully, she felt a strange sinking in her stomach.

"I'm sure it's crossed his mind," Jo replied.

Lacey was silent as she bit the inside of her mouth and contemplated Jo's words. She already felt a massive stress headache coming on, as she tried to will it away.

"But what do I know?" Jo added quickly, attempting to lighten the mood. "Maybe Sarita's right and you'll be together by the end of the year."

"Wait what?" Lacey questioned with great confusion.

"Oh sorry," Jo cringed apologetically. In her attempt to change the direction of the conversation, she had let something slip that she wasn't supposed to. "I wasn't supposed to say that."

"When did Sarita say that?" Lacey questioned, still a bit in shock she would even think such a thing, for the most part she was the only one who approved of Danny and Lacey not being together.

"It's something silly, don't worry about it." Jo tried to cover, though completely insufficiently.

"No, tell me." Lacey demanded.

"Sarita and I made a bet," Jo explained, as she sighed at her inability to keep her mouth shut. "She said that you two would be back together by the end of senior year, I said by the beginning. So technically, I already lost."

"When did you two start getting along well enough to be making bets?" Lacey asked, as she blinked in disbelief at the blond girl in front of her.

"It's a competitive thing," Jo responded, shrugging her shoulders. "One of us had to be wrong."

"Or you both could be wrong." Lacey corrected her firmly.

"Heeeeyyyyy..." Jo said suddenly, looking in Lacey's direction but a bit over her shoulder.

Lacey instantly realized that she wasn't addressing her, and that somebody they knew was walking towards their booth. In the very same moment that she realized this, she also realized she knew exactly who it was.

"Your ears must have been burning," Jo exclaimed as she quickly looked at Lacey and then back at the approaching figure.

"Oh?" His voice came out low and easy, as he walked passed Lacey's side of the booth and eased himself in next to Jo on her side. "You guys were talking about me?"

"We were studying," Lacey amended swiftly as their eyes locked. She had wondered for a nanosecond why he hadn't just sat by her, when her side of the booth was closer to the door, until right then in that moment when her eyes met his warm brown ones. It was completely in his nature to methodically choose to face her, just so he could look at her.

"What are you doing here?" Jo asked.

"Waiting for Cole," Danny answered, as he stretched out languidly in the booth. Lacey felt his leg come close to hers under the table. It didn't touch her but she still felt it. She wondered momentarily how that was even possible. It wasn't close enough to her to exude noticeable warmth, but all the same she sensed it's proximity. "We're gonna go ride motorcycles."

"Motorcycles?" Lacey asserted as her eyes roamed over him. "On a Wednesday night?"

"Yeah," Danny answered evenly, his eyes never leaving her. "Sounds fun right?"

"It sounds dangerous," Lacey countered hesitantly. "Do you even know how to ride a motorcycle?"

"It's not that hard." Danny replied easily, finally drawing his eyes away from Lacey to look at Jo.

"Where are you guys getting motorcycles from?" Jo asked, literally taking the words right out of Lacey's mouth.

"He knows this guy who has a bunch a cousins, apparently they ride together all the time. Some can't make it tonight so there are extra bikes."

"It's dark outside, Danny." Lacey spoke up, as she placed her elbows gently on the table and crossed her arms in front of her. "You think it's a good idea to be riding motorcycles at night?"

"They have lights just like cars do Lace." Danny offered, with less sarcasm than he had originally intended.

Lacey had another comment to add but it stayed in her throat, her mouth closed. She averted her gaze as they all heard Danny's phone buzz.

"Oh, that's him," Danny said as he glanced at the text message on his phone. "He's outside. See you guys tomorrow. Don't study too hard."

He playfully nudged Jo with his shoulder before rising from the booth, his eyes landing and sweeping over Lacey's face very briefly before he started walking away.

"Desai," Jo called out when he got halfway to the door. He turned to face her but kept slowly walking backwards. "You better be in class tomorrow."

"I already told you. No more ditching," Danny raised his hands in surrender, and then traced a cross over his heart with his finger. "Not until senior ditch day. On my honor."

Jo smiled at him and he turned back around heading for the door. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Lacey's voice call after him.

"Hey."

He turned around once more to face them, but only saw Lacey's face.

"Be careful." She offered, her voice sounding saturated with apprehension.

"Of course." Danny responded evenly, before turning and exiting the diner.

She watched his retreating form until she couldn't see him any longer, before she turned around and was met with a knowing look from Jo.

"I swear to God," Jo exclaimed. "You two are going to drive me crazy."


	2. Other People

Chapter 2: Other People

Danny rolled out of bed, full of irritation and lack of sleep as his alarm sounded loudly on his nightstand. Instead of pushing the off button as most people would have, he brought down the palm of his hand heavily and smacked the clock into silence. He yawned groggily and pushed his hair out of his face. His mind was suddenly flooded with memories of the night before. Going motorcycle riding had been the perfect way to spend his night. He had wanted to try it for so long and had finally gotten the chance to, and he couldn't have been more happy about his experience. Riding was nothing like anything that he had ever done before, but came close to some of the more dangerous, frightening moments he'd had in his short life. The rush was indescribable. It was like the perfect and precise culmination of adrenaline, speed and ascension. What was striking about the experience was that it rattled him in a way he hadn't quite expected, as it took him by surprise. It was akin to the sudden and implicit power within the very first wave, when high tide comes in after a long day of subtly moving ocean water. The force is startling and the ernest velocity a bit damning.

He had felt strangely at peace in those moments, riding around the dark streets with the air encompassing and cradling him like infinite arms. The speed and sound of the bikes lulled him in a keenly specific way. It was as if his energy and discontent had an adequate outlet. He could let everything go, if only for the amount of time he had control over that bike. With the air at his back, his mind had gone almost empty. It was definitely something that he was going to pursue. Maybe he could even convince his mother to get him a bike for graduation. That would actually insure he'd make sure to do what was necessary to graduate. Because as it stood currently, a part of him didn't really care one way or another. Actually, that wasn't completely true. He wanted to graduate for his mother, because he knew how much that would mean to her, and after everything that she had recently gone through at the hands of his father, it was the least that he could do. He also wanted to do it for his friends. The group that had formed rather quickly, though some begrudgingly, when he had been let back into school. They were an eclectic and strange mix but somehow, for the most part... they made it work. And he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit he wanted to do it for her.

_Be careful._

He had heard her words almost ringing in his ears as Cole drove them away from the diner last night. He heard them once again, when he was going about 70 miles per hour on the motorcycle, and again just then while he was getting ready for class. It was a painful existence to hear such caring and heartfelt words from the one person who you'd vacate every sense of safety and security for. It was tumultuous and maddening when the one person who tried to help and direct you kept you at arms length, or wouldn't look you in the eyes for prolonged periods of time. It was a difficult feat when the one person who's mouth you missed kissing and dreamed of at least once a week, only wanted you to harness your temper and go to college. The thought of college streamed through his consciousness rapidly and he felt an ache in his chest at its presence, as he stepped in the shower.

But that's where she would be in a matter of months. Thousands of miles away from where he was right now and he couldn't do or say anything to change that reality. If he thought that the past two years had been excruciating, then he clearly had no full concept of the pain that was felt at the complete absence of the person who meant the most to you. He had the eleven year old version of that feeling stored somewhere in his body, maybe in his shoulders or beneath his ribcage. But the 18 year old young man that he was today, had no way to measure such despair on a spectrum that he could understand and readily anticipate. He knew with unequivocal certainty that not being with her for the past two years, sans those two specific instances, was nothing matched against the total uprooting that would take place come August. The thought of her leaving him made his stomach churn. It made him physically ill. He tried with an absurd amount of desperation not to think about it at length. When someone brought up college, he would automatically tune them out or try to change the subject because any talk of the next stage in all of their lives was essentially linked to her leaving and he just couldn't compartmentalize that reality right now. He didn't feel like he had the ability, the strength or the character.

So even though it hurt him every day to see her and not be with her, at least he still got to see her. At least he got to look at her exquisitely beautiful face every day. At least he knew that she was okay. At least he could know her moods and her daily routines. He still knew what she smelled like and how she felt beneath his arms when their bodies melded as they hugged. Though, those were few and far between and never lasted long enough. So he didn't have all of her, no. But he still had those little, escaping parts of her and that satiated him. Pretty soon he wouldn't even have that.

He finished getting ready for school, grabbed his backpack and his phone. On his way out the door, his phone buzzed. Danny looked down at it and the name Amelia displayed on the screen.

* * *

Lacey walked through the halls of Green Grove high quickly. She was in search of two particular people and hoped that she ran into at least one of them before the first bell rang. She rounded the corner and saw him in the distance walking in the opposite direction. She quickened her pace to catch up with him, completely cutting him off as she stepped in front of him.

"Hey!" Lacey offered brightly, giving him her patented smile.

"Oh hi Lacey," Cole replied, as he stopped in his tracks so as not to run into her.

"How are you?" Lacey questioned rather inquisitively.

"How am I?" Cole asked directly, clearly already catching onto what her intention was. Firstly, she was giving herself away by being really formal and awkward. Secondly, she could have kept walking alongside him at a natural pace and then started with the small talk, instead she had stepped in front of him and halted his walk to class.

"Yeah, how are things?" Lacey tried to sound as genuine and sincere as possible, but she could tell that he didn't buy the way she was approaching him.

"Things are fine Lacey," Cole acquiesced as he studied her. He already knew what this was about.

"So did you guys have fun last night?" Lacey questioned, cutting right to the chase. Cole appreciated her candor.

"We did," He answered affirmatively. "It's really a whole new experience being on a bike that goes so fast. It's thrilling."

"Yeah, I was afraid you'd say that," Lacey admitted as her eyes fell briefly, and the look on her face read one of contemplation.

"Why's that?" Cole pondered aloud. "Danny was really great, you should have seen him."

"No," Lacey retorted quickly. "I don't need to see him on a motorcycle. I'd rather he wasn't on one at all and you too, for that matter.

"Why?" Cole questioned, he felt almost sorry that she seemed so perplexed by the thought.

"Because they're dangerous Cole." Lacey reasoned plainly, as if any other reason or option couldn't have even entered the equation.

"As long as you know what you're doing, it's fine," Cole assured her. "Plus what's not dangerous under specific circumstances?"

"I think the probability of specific circumstances occurring goes up when motorcycles are involved."

"Nah, it's so much fun." Cole attempted to convince her. "You'd change your mind if you tried it. You should come with us next time. Some of the guy's girlfriends ride with them."

"Well, that doesn't exactly qualify me now does it?" Lacey stated, feeling a weird sensation run through her at the mere mention of the word 'girlfriend'.

"Right," Cole responded lightly. "Because you two aren't together."

"We're friends, Cole." Lacey corrected. "Why does everyone act like we haven't been friends this entire time?"

"Yeah, why do people act like that?" Cole questioned in a rhetorical, tongue in cheek manner. "Listen, we're both gonna be late to class. I'll see you at lunch okay?"

"Yeah, alright." Lacey agreed, offering him a quick smile.

"And Lacey?" Cole called out, once he'd made it a few yards away from where they'd previously been standing. "Think about the motorcycles."

* * *

After first period, she ran into the other person she had wanted to have a word with. Quickening her pace to catch her before she closed her locker, she eased in alongside her tiny friend.

"Sarita, just the person I was looking for." Lacey said brightly as Sarita looked up at her.

"Lacey," Sarita said, happy to see her friend. "You wanna ditch? I swear to God, senoritis is biting me in the ass. I had to come to first because Ms. Wheeler is such a raging bitch about truancies."

"I can't," Lacey explained, as she adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "I have to go to fifth."

"Ugh," Sarita groaned with such annoyance. "I can't wait for this whole high school thing to be over. It's such BS at this point."

"Can I ask you a question?" Lacey asked her purposely.

"Of course." Sarita responded, fulling turning towards Lacey as she closed her locker, holding her textbook to her small frame. "What's up?"

"Did you make a bet with Jo about me and Danny?" Lacey questioned knowingly, just saying those words made her feel uneasy.

"Ugh," Sarita sighed as she rolled her eyes and threw up a hand in frustration. "Leave it to blondie to not know when to shut her mouth."

"Sarita!" Lacey exclaimed upon receiving confirmation of the bets existence. "Why would you do that?"

"Look Lacey," Sarita began. "You know I don't particularly love the guy for you, but it just seems kind of inevitable. I'd much rather you get involved with Robbie but you don't seem that interested."

At the mention of Robbie's name, Lacey clutched her phone in her hand, because she had completely forgotten to text him back. He was a nice guy and she did like him, she just wasn't looking to get involved with anyone right now. There was already too much going on and she couldn't really rationalize including a new relationship.

"Sarita, I'm going to college in California." Lacey reasoned lightly. "What makes you think that Danny and I would get back together. He doesn't even have a plan post graduation."

"Look," Sarita started as she watched her friend. "All I know is... every single time we're at a party and you start drinking, what do you say to me?"

"That has nothing to do wi-"

"What do you say?" Sarita cut her off mid sentence with a reiteration of her question.

"Don't leave me alone with Danny," Lacey muttered under her breath, as her friend studied her carefully.

"Don't leave you alone with Danny under any circumstances if you are drinking," Sarita clarified. "You literally stick to me like glue at parties because you're terrified of something happening between the two of you. That's really all I need to know, regardless of how I feel about him for you."

"I just can't risk it," Lacey replied fervently, she wanted to bury the implication. Rationalize and justify her reasoning. "What happened on New Years eve last year can't happen again. I just couldn't handle it."

"Maybe I'm wrong?" Sarita offered as a bit of a renunciation. "Maybe you'll be in California surrounded by hot actors and not even care about what he's doing here?"

Lacey took a deep breath and tried to still her face. She knew her expressions were probably all over the place, as her emotions and feelings regarding what her friend had just told her, clearly had sent her into a bit of a panic.

"It's gonna be okay, alright?" Sarita said softly.

"Yeah," Lacey whispered before giving her a hesitant nod. "We're gonna be late, I'll see you at lunch."

* * *

Lacey stood at her locker, briefly looking at the pictures pinned to the inside of it. There were pictures of all of them together, many group shots, some shots of just the girls, one of her and Jo, one of her, Sarita and Phoebe and then one of her and Danny. Her eyes stayed on that one for a second too long as she recalled the day it had been taken. It had been several months ago on one of their good days where they both weren't caged in and awkward, constantly attempting to conceal the true nature of their feelings for the other, and the pain they both felt because of the boundaries set in place. They both had on easy, genuine smiles and they looked generally content. His arm was even around her, she remembered how in the moment it hadn't even made her nervous or phased her. They had slipped so easily into true friendship in that moment, and she was happy she had a picture of what that looked like. Those instances never lasted long enough before things got complicated between the two of them, and then she had the job of trying to iron herself and her trepidations out.

"Hey," A voice called lightly as the owner of it leaned against the locker next to hers.

"Oh hi," Lacey responded in surprise, jumping a bit. She had been lost in her thoughts and he'd startled her. She took in his appearance and felt a sensation in between wonder and concern, that he usually managed to materialize in front of her whenever she was thinking of him. It was an unnerving reality. Her eyes roamed over him briefly as she thought about how different he looked compared to just two years ago. She noted his long hair was piled on top of his head in his signature up do. His hair had grown considerably in those two years. Jo had almost begged him to cut it numerous times but he refused, he enjoyed it's subversive quality. Facial hair lined his mouth and chin, which aged him a bit and magnified his dark features. He looked more like a man than she'd ever remembered him looking before.

"Didn't mean to sneak up on you," Danny said casually as he leaned deeper on one shoulder against the locker beside hers.

"I was just in my head is all," Lacey explained as she closed her locker and turned to face him. "How was your night?"

"It was great," Danny replied enthusiastically. "Me and motorcycles get along really well. I think I'm gonna try to convince my mom to get me one."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Lacey posed as she watched him closely. His almost constant relaxed disposition was always fascinating to her.

"You don't think it is," Danny countered evenly as his eyes bore into hers. "Why is that?"

"I don't know," Lacey revealed as her eyes left his momentarily. He often looked at her that way and she'd never gotten full accustomed or used to it. He sometimes looked at her like he hadn't seen her for 6 months; as if he hadn't seen her the day before. His gaze always absorbed the full extent of her actions. He never missed the beginnings and endings of her gestures, mannerisms or facial expressions. It was probably one of the reasons he was so good at reading her, something that still unhinged her. "You, motorcycles, adrenaline junkie, speed, your temper... it just seems like a bad idea."

"Hmm, you think I'll be reckless. " Danny posed thoughtfully, his eyebrows bunching as if he was pondering something. "It's a good escape, it's very freeing."

Lacey remained quiet as she studied him. Thinking to herself just how much the idea of him getting a motorcycle of his own freaked her out. She silently prayed that Karen would have a similar reaction and not give into her son's charms when he went to her with this idea.

"I'll take you for a ride one day," Danny suggested, he reached out and gently tugged at the hem of her jacket. "You'll change your mind."

"Danny, I'm not getting on a motorcycle," Lacey countered after a deliberate pause, her pulse quickening at his touch, though it had been subtle and slight.

"Why?" Danny asked loosely, as his head cocked to the side. He put his hands in his pockets and he leaned back on the locker with his other shoulder. "You afraid you'll get hurt?"

"No," Lacey answered quickly. She was wondering why they were even discussing this at length. "It's not even about me. I'm afraid you'll get hurt."

The silence skipped and bended as he didn't respond, only watched her. In truth, the silence between them was more of an apt description, because all around them the hall was buzzing with people, voices, and noises of their daily school activities.

"You wanna study tonight?" Lacey asked, changing the subject completely. "We have a test coming up."

"I already told you," Danny started to explain evenly. "I'm gonna transfer out of the class and just get free period."

"The deadline for that was last week," Lacey reminded him.

"I'll figure something out." Danny bemused without excitement.

"What if you're charm doesn't work this time?" Lacey questioned pointedly, an eyebrow raising to assist her inquisition.

"Then I guess I'll have to study for the test." Danny responded, chuckling a little at her line of questioning and position. "You know I didn't even really want to take that class. The only reason I took the placement test was because you talked me into it."

"And I'm glad I did," Lacey exclaimed, slightly bewildered at his resistance to the entire thing. "You're obviously cut out for it, you got a higher score on that test then I did."

"I'd just rather have free period." Danny shrugged with nonchalance.

"Will you just stay in the class please?" Lacey asked smoothly, bringing her eyes to his in a direct manner.

"I'll think about it," Danny responded after a moment, standing up straight again. "Let's go eat."

* * *

Their daily lunch time routines were always mildly entertaining and hilarious. The group of them usually sat at the same set of tables in the cafeteria. They talked about random, inconsequential things and their was usually bickering that went on, either between Jo and Sarita or Phoebe and Sarita. It was a wonder that they actually did consider the other a friend. They had all come a long way since two years prior. Phoebe was telling some ridiculous story, one of which only Rico looked vaguely interested in, as the rest of them either ate or made side comments regarding Phoebe's dramatic story.

Lacey half listened to Phoebe as she noticed a girl with short dark hair and a cute face that she'd never seen before approach their table. It almost looked like she was headed in Cole's direction but she stopped beside Danny.

"Hey Danny," The girl said cheerfully. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Everyone at the table went silent, even Phoebe, who was an absolute stickler for telling her stories, quieted. Some of them looked at Danny, other's looked at Lacey. The girl quickly offered a smile and wave to the rest of them at the table, her eyes landed on Lacey for a second longer than the rest.

"Yeah, sure." Danny responded, getting up from his seat and walking beside the girl until they were a few yards away.

"Who is that?" Sarita asked with every ounce of attitude that typically resided within her.

"Her name's Amelia," Jo answered. "She's in my English class."

Lacey was trying her best to seem completely unaffected by what had just transpired in front of her, innocent as it was. But she could feel her insides dispersing and her jaw clench. It wasn't the girl approaching Danny that made her so upset, because things like that happened all the time. Many different girls at school had obvious crushes on Danny. But he never really gave them much attention. But this instantly seemed different somehow. He seemed susceptible to this girl and she didn't know why. She knew deep down that she had no right to these feelings. It wasn't as if they both couldn't see other people. It wasn't as if she hadn't in the past.

"Lacey," Sarita broke through Lacey's thoughts with her name.

"I, uh-" Lacey muttered as she started to gather her things, her legs feeling like maybe they could facilitate her quick exit out of the cafeteria. "I forgot, I have to go do something. I'll see you guys later."

"Lacey..." Jo called after her but she was already walking away.

"I told you guys they were still messing around," Phoebe muttered knowingly.

"Shut up Phoebe." Sarita quipped back.

Danny and Amelia both saw Lacey quickly pass them from the spot where they had been talking. All of Danny's attention suddenly got sucked towards her retreating figure. Amelia watched him thoughtfully.

"Do you need to go after her?" Amelia questioned lightly.

"What?" Danny asked tearing his eyes from the cafeteria doors. "No, it's fine. What were you saying?"

**A/N: Thoughts? Feelings? Opinions?**


	3. Borne Of The Same Emotion

Danny traced and flipped his phone against the edge of his kitchen table, as he sat there thinking about whether or not he was going to text her, and more importantly, what he was going to say. That moment of her walking out of the cafeteria played on a loop in his head. Every single time he recalled it, he was instantly revisited by the almost paralyzing instinct to follow her. Literally the only thing that had stopped him was the realization that it wouldn't change anything. He had gone after her before in the past two years and yet, they were still in their current state; this uncompromising platform of what he wanted and what she wouldn't allow herself to have. Their reality was not shifted or changed by him constantly trying to get through to her. He'd tried that, and failed. He'd also tried it and succeeded, but only for brief moments when she allowed herself to be consumed by the intangible entity that neither of them could adequately surmise the vastness of. So going after her had been an almost knee-jerk reaction in truth, but his greater sense of their past and impending future stopped him.

Part of him almost felt vindicated by the fact that she had reacted in such a way. That was not her normal form. But he realized that was because he'd never shown an actual keen interest in anyone else. Or rather, he didn't have the ability to be interested in anyone else to such a degree. He was almost certain that part of her knew that deep down and relished and took comfort in the fact. In the moment, he had a strong inkling, but hadn't been convinced that her need to vacate the cafeteria was brought on by his actions. However, the fact that later in the day she didn't even speak to or look at him during the class they shared, completely affirmed what had been the catalyst behind her actions. Part of him wanted so desperately and with such potency to explain away whatever idea she had about what she saw and what it meant. But the other part of him realized, against his more intense yearning, that she didn't really deserve that explanation. Not completely, because the only reason they weren't together was because she had decided that she couldn't handle it. That she couldn't handle them.

He had spent the better part of their class together willing her in silence to just look at him. He had learned long ago to not infringe or break the imposed silent treatment when it first initially began. Whenever she went through bouts of not speaking to him, it was always broken after hours or days of reluctant and sustained eye contact, usually initiated by him. Sometimes he would even attempt to play her game and purposely ignore her as well, but it never worked. His eyes would always seek her out expertly, much like the way you'd look for something important that was lost or misplaced. He faltered so magnificently whenever he tried to match her will of avoidance. He wasn't strong like she was. He always needed however much of her she would allow, whether it be a sprinkle, a teaspoon, a tablespoon, or entire cups.

He sometimes experienced extreme moments of self loathing, although she had been the one to almost continually put a stop to their otherwise impeding union, he blamed himself on most occasions as the reasoning behind her ultimate decision. He was too much of a mystery to himself sometimes. He didn't trust people to really know him, not all of him. Bits and pieces would suffice, but he didn't believe that anyone truly deserved the mess that was his past, his thoughts or even sometimes his actions. He was truly a young man who was the complete embodiment of the 18 years that he had lived on this earth. He had his juvie days engraved in him, he had his youthful idolization of his father and his later ultimate betrayal and resentment of him. He had his temper and his absolute unwillingness to truly let people know every part of him. He protected the people that he cared most about from him. He didn't think his mother or Lacey, or Jo deserved the darkness that had been readily thrust upon him throughout his short lifetime. Nobody should be forced to deal with it except for him. But even he was barely dealing. Lashing out in ridiculous ways, not going to class, getting in fights with kids from other schools, scaring people he didn't like on purpose, manipulating others just so he could stay around the people who mattered most to him. He knew he wasn't some prize to be had, he knew that in the deepest corners of his being, and that was one of the reasons that he didn't push her regarding them being together more. He acquiesced to her wishes because maybe it really was better for her, to have him in a space where she could more readily deal with her emotions and actions towards him. Though that state of things was infinitely worse for him. He'd without question do anything for her; except for damage her with the truths of his haunted subconscious. She shouldn't have to bear the weight of his choices and mistakes or how they both ruined and shaped him.

Danny looked at his phone in his hand and silently contemplated whether or not he should call her. He thought about it for half a second longer before scrolling his recent contacts and pushing her name. The phone rang two and a half times before going to her voicemail. He instantly knew she had declined his call. Tapping his phone again against the edge of the table, he thought about calling her back but then decided against it. Instead he sent a text message.

_Where are you?_

He stared at his phone for seven entire minutes and there was no reply. He knew for a fact that she saw his message. He'd actually be willing to bet that she was somewhere with her phone in her hand, if she hadn't thrown it across whatever room she was in, after she had dismissed his call. Danny brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his jaw in irritation. He was frustrated that she was even acting like this. He hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, he was closer to going along with her idea of what "friendship" entailed for them, which included talking to other people of the opposite sex, even though his intentions with Amelia didn't actually stem beyond friendship. But did Lacey deserve to even be assured of that? He wasn't sure, he was actually almost positive that she didn't, especially considering she was the one who had attempted to date other people. Memories of that crept through his mind, causing him to set his jaw, discontent roaming around his insides. He typed out another text message.

_Lacey, don't ignore me._

Lacey turned her phone back over and read what he wrote, as she sat on a low stool in the fort that the three of them had made all those years ago. She actually hadn't frequented the spot much lately, the last time she remembered being there was five months ago after having a colossally bad fight with Danny. And the time before that was directly linked to him too. It seemed that whenever something of heavy consequence occurred with him, she found herself at that fort, trying to conjure up some sort of necessary courage and strength to sort through the muddled emotions he had left coursing through her body. It was an unfair state of things, yes. But it was one that she had thrust upon them because of her inability to deal with the two of them. Somehow in the back of her mind she knew that had they been together, it would only be ten times worse on their bad days. On the days she couldn't trust him or felt like he was hiding something. On the days where she knew there were things he was feeling that he wouldn't express. The times when he would admit to her that he had nightmares but didn't want to tell her what they were about. She had no doubt that their good days would be extraordinary in comparison, but it still didn't erase those pieces and parts of him that she longed to soothe that he just wouldn't reveal.

She hated herself for how wrecked with jealousy she had felt since leaving the cafeteria earlier that day. It felt like the feeling was legitimately eating away at her and she didn't have anywhere to go for absolute solace and comfort. So there she was, in the fort, trying desperately not to call or text him back and wrangle her supremely inappropriate emotions. She looked around at her surroundings and suddenly remembered how upset Danny had been when after he was cleared of Regina's murder, they had all found out about his father being alive and what had went on between him and Jo's mom. She had seen Danny in various states of emotion since she had known him, and especially since they had gotten involved, but she had never seen him so unbelievably hurt as he was when all of that came to light. He had been so angry that in the middle of the night, he had gone to the fort in a fit of rage and almost completely destroyed it. When he had managed to calm down, he realized what he had done and how hurt she and Jo would both be when they found out, that he stayed up all night and into the next day rebuilding parts of it and putting it back together so that it looked good as new. In the end, it actually looked better. The last few hours he was working on the fort, it had started to rain but he didn't stop. He was sick for three days afterwards.

Lacey traced the outline of her phone as she ran through the happenings of the day one more time. She felt both annoyed and ashamed that she was reacting so strongly to seeing Danny with another girl, especially because it was relatively innocent. But something about that girl and the receptiveness that Danny exhibited had made her stomach drop and her skin crawl. She didn't like it and she knew that it wasn't fair. She knew that if he was interested in this girl then it would serve her right because this was what she wanted. She was the one that set this entire thing in motion. For almost two years he hadn't really entertained another girl, not outright. He'd hung out with a few, and while Lacey didn't know the details of what that included, she somehow doubted it meant anything serious. But she got a whole other feeling when seeing Danny interact with this Amelia person. She wished that there was a way to wash the horrid feeling off of her. It wasn't useful and it made her feel ill.

She honestly couldn't reconcile how she was unable to engage with or look at him after the incident earlier in the day. For the entire duration of their class together she had completely acted like he wasn't there, staring straight ahead and meticulously taking notes. She was telling a tall tale though, if she didn't admit that she felt his eyes on her the entire time. Sometimes his enduring gaze felt like warmth eroding back the cold walls she attempted to put in place for protection. Sometimes his eyes were just too entangling, sometimes they were too direct and she couldn't focus. She had to will herself to listen to their teacher lecture and not meet his eyes, if only to give him the look that plainly told him that she needed for him to stop. But she was silent and ignored him, because she didn't have the strength or the resilience to ask what the nature of his relationship with that girl was. She didn't have an adequate hold on the visceral reaction that her jealousy was causing. She was all irritation and confusion.

What made it worse was the absolute certainty that she didn't have a right to the feelings that she was experiencing. She should be happy for him, she should be proud of him. She should support him. She shouldn't be sulking in the fort and ignoring him. This was what she wanted, this is what she had attempted to convince him that they both needed. To move on from each other and truly just exist as good friends. She knew better, and what made it worse was that the sensation made her feel a bit like a hypocrite. Especially because she had actually attempted dating other people in the past, though completely unsuccessfully. Partly because of him and his jealousy and partly because of her and her lack of complete and total interest. Maybe he was breaking out of that now, maybe he was trying to give her what she claimed she wanted. Maybe he was making strides to let her go. That thought alone caused her chest to tighten and she shook it off as she picked up her phone to text him back.

_What is it?_

Danny started typing his reply as soon as hers popped up on his screen.

_Where are you?_

_At the fort._

_Stay there. I'll be there in 10 minutes._

* * *

Danny ducked under the opening of the fort as he entered it cautiously, it seemed much lower than it had been the last time he was there. Maybe he was getting a bit taller. He saw her in the corner on her designated stool, legs and arms crossed as if she was cold, with the same clothes she had on earlier that day at school. He watched her in silence for a split second, as she didn't make any outward indication that she even knew he was there. He however, knew she heard him. He considered not talking and waiting for her to break the ridiculous silence between them but figured he'd probably only last about two minutes with that current plan. Danny took a deep audible breath and tore his eyes away from her. He looked around the fort and took in all the little pieces of he, Lacey and Jo that currently still resided there. He was always so happy that this part of their history had stayed intact, barring one incident when he rashly almost destroyed the entire thing and then had to build it back up again. His temper was always costing him things. At least it hadn't completely cost him that. His eyes fell on her again and they were met with hers as their eyes locked. She looked pensive and distracted, but at least she was giving him her gaze.

"Are you mad at me?" Danny questioned lightly, briefly thinking about moving closer towards her but deciding against it.

"Who is she?" Lacey countered his question with one of her own. She instantly wanted to retract the way she said it, the tone in her voice was all wrong. She already hated the way she was coming off and their conversation had just begun.

"Her name is Amelia," Danny answered directly, he studied her quite intently as neither of them moved from their current spot.

"I've never seen her before," Lacey responded after a moment of silence settled over the fort, their eye contact holding. She approved of that comment, it seemed neutral enough.

"She's new," Danny explained, as he leaned lightly on one of the structural beams inside the fort. "She's from D.C."

"She's cute," Lacey let out with more venom then was absolutely required or necessary. She felt herself cringe at her complete lack of ability to keep her raging jealousy in check.

Danny studied her in silence for a few moments, as he took in her face and every part of her body that was languaging her mood alongside her words and her tone. It was an interesting state of things to see her like this, although he should have felt a bit of pride that he had the ability to evoke this type of reaction out of her, he detested it at the same time. It seemed nonsensical and as if she was trying to be in the boat and in the water at the same time, it didn't work. It wasn't practical.

"What are you doing?" He asked her firmly, his voice a bit incredulous and direct.

"Me? I'm just saying your new girlfriend is cute," Lacey tried to add as innocently as possible, but she knew that the direction of the conversation was already abysmal.

"She's not my girlfriend," Danny clarified very plainly, absolutely no convincing added. He delivered that line like he was telling her what he had for breakfast that morning. No inflection, no emotion. He wasn't defending anything to her.

"Well," Lacey said carefully, as she felt her body loosen just a bit. "It wouldn't matter if she was."

"It wouldn't?" Danny retorted with force and the inflection that was absent in his prior words.

Lacey stilled as she watched him, feeling called out and rightfully so. She was acting like a brat and she wished it wasn't so obvious or uncontrollable. She wished she could actually just brush it off. This reaction she was having was disproportionate and unneeded and troublesome. It was going to make their dynamic even more sorted and difficult, if she couldn't just harness these emotions.

"You're a piece of work, you know that?" Danny accused, as he took a deep breath. He could feel this conversation starting to resemble the beginnings of one of their notorious fights, and he just didn't have the energy for it right now.

"Excuse me?" Lacey questioned, a bit of defense in her tone, as her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed tighter around her body.

"You literally screamed at me for hours and threatened to stop speaking to me months ago, because of my reaction to that douche you were dating," Danny accused, standing upright and using his arms and hands for illustrative purposes. "And then you turn around and act like this."

"Okay, first of all," Lacey began as she bolted up from her stool and closed the distance between them. "What I did today and what you did then aren't even remotely comparable. I didn't even directly address her, let alone give her a black eye."

"Well they were both borne of the same emotion," Danny explained as his eyes roamed her face and what her pissed off expression was doing to her features.

"It's still not the same thing," Lacey maintained as she steeled herself to keep looking in his eyes, suddenly reconsidering the amount of space she had forgone. "I had to pull you off of Alex."

"That guy was a prick," Danny exclaimed with emphasis, as if that assessment of the guy she dated months ago was sufficient enough.

"I know I shouldn't be acting like this," Lacey admitted after an expanding pause, feeling a restored calm after choosing not to acknowledge his last statement.

Danny remained quiet as his eyes held hers, they dropped momentarily and roamed her mouth for a split second before landing on her neck. What he saw there shocked him. A sterling silver necklace with a genuine unique turquoise stone. He had given it to her when they were together.

"You're wearing the necklace I gave you," Danny pointed out, almost reaching out and touching it, but resisting.

Lacey quickly brought her hand up to her neck as she touched the stone. Him noticing it and pointing it out in the midst of their argument was the last thing she had expected. It caught her off guard, like someone had found her doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. She made a dismissive gesture of her hand at him noticing it.

"Yeah," Lacey said.

"Amelia's a friend," Danny explained as his eyes met hers again. "She's nice, she's a good listener, it's easy to talk to her because she doesn't know me, or what I've done for the most part, so she doesn't hold things against me."

"I don't hold things against you," Lacey professed hurriedly, as if she had to absolve her name with him. Even if her statement wasn't exactly true.

"Don't you?" Danny questioned without air of accusation. Just a simple rhetorical question.

"Well I hope she's good enough for you," Lacey began softly.

"I just told you-"

"For whatever, to be your friend, to be more..." Lacey cut him off. "We're supposed to be seeing other people. I'm seeing someone."

"Who?" Danny questioned immediately, feeling the heat rise in his face, his gaze morphing from the gentle soft one and taking on a more inquisitive look.

"You don't know him." Lacey answered lightly.

"And I don't like that." Danny said plainly. "Who is he?"

"Just a guy, Danny." Lacey replied, always a tad secretly pleased of how protective he was. "He's just some guy."

She was silent and so was he, both of them just looking at the other with way too much meaning and regret lining their expressions. After a couple of moments, Lacey made a move to walk past him, presumably to exit the fort. Danny's hand came out swiftly and landed on her waist. Lacey's eyes immediately found his face as she lost her voice. Regaining it a split second later, she opened her mouth.

"What are you doing?" She questioned him, weakness and anticipation laced her vocal chords.

"Giving you a hug," Danny answered lightly, pulling her body further into his, both arms circling her waist.

Lacey's eyes fell shut the moment her body pressed into his, her arms wrapping around his neck. A part of her was both thankful and surprised that their conversation had ended in a hug rather than a heated argument but the way his body felt made her almost tremble. She felt as if she wasn't prepared for the immensity of his touch, she almost withered beneath it. Danny angled his face into her neck as he inhaled her, it took every fiber in his being not to run his mouth against it's soft curve. Lacey held onto him tighter than she probably should have, just silently reveling in everything about their embrace for several moments. Reality hit her when she felt his hands bunch and grip the bottom of her shirt. She quickly pulled away.

"I'll uh- I'll see you tomorrow." Lacey said, her eyes not even landing on his face. With that she passed him and was out of the fort before Danny could even exhale.

**A/N: An all Dacey chapter, finally! Thoughts?**


	4. The Difference is the Depth

There were two distinct aspects of Danny, that Lacey readily had trouble dealing with, given the specific boundaries of their relationship. One was his eyes, always wrought with intention and honesty. The way that he so often watched her sometimes left her spirally inside, with no hope of rest or attempting to tame her thudding heart. The other was his hands, she was often left completely incapacitated at his mere touch. She tried to avoid any prolonged moments of physicality with him under most circumstances. Even slight instances, rather innocent grazes or brushes awoke something in her that she was always actively trying to bury deeper and deeper. Trying in vain to make it disappear, why wouldn't it just disappear?

So the unexpected hug that they had shared a week ago in the fort, had really thrown her for a loop which she hadn't anticipated. But then again, certain encounters with him had that propensity, it was like trying to foresee an earthquake. There was just no real way to see it coming, to brace yourself for the impact, for the manner in which is shook you. All you could do was try to withstand the tremors until it subsided. But did it ever subside with the two of them? It did in moments, it did impermanently but never for too long. In truth, his hands were one of her very favorite things about him. She had told him this once, when they were together. She wondered if he remembered that now and slyly tried to use them against her, like a gentle imbued weapon. She'd spent many moments in their past tracing the veins on the backside of his hands, lining his knuckles and long fingers lazily with her own. Her preoccupation with them was only confounded by their ability and skill. Sometimes just recalling what those hands had done to her in the past was enough to make her want to slide off whatever surface she was sitting on.

His touch was actually what she held accountable for her grand misstep a year ago. What made it worse and all the more excruciating, was that he probably hadn't even meant it in a suggestive way initially. She was actually positive he hadn't, after later that night he half-heartedly tried to avert her advances. But it had already been too late when she had been drinking and they were rather harmlessly flirting. She shouldn't have been so careless but in the moment it seemed innocuous. After being interrupted by Phoebe, he had placed his hand on the small of her back as he walked by her, excusing himself so that Phoebe could have whatever quick girl pow wow she had demanded. He had left his hand there for only a moment, spanning and grazing her back as he walked away, but it was enough to send a bolt surge up her spine and cause her to turn her head as she watched his retreating form.

In the fort, it wasn't just the hug that had rattled her, it was the way he had laid his hands on her before it happened. The way he had pulled her body to his. It seemed to happen in slow motion, yet still made her pulse race. Recalling two memories at once, especially one's that involved him, made her head spin. She tried to push them both out of her mind, but the remnants that remained still were coated with him and the sound of his voice, his laugh and the way that he made her feel. She wondered, as she did at least monthly, why those things weren't enough for her. Why she couldn't just allow herself to take the plunge with him one more time. Each time she pondered this, there were several things that came up, some more crucial than others. If she was being honest with herself, there was a deep seeded reason behind the walls that she eventually had to start putting up with him. Sometimes she felt like she cared too deeply for him, and that not only was she not prepared for the breadth and width of that feeling, but she also couldn't trust its weight or permanent nature. There was a type of synergy and pattern that her life had taken on at an early age, and it hadn't really stopped for longer than a year or two since.

She was constantly losing things and being left. She didn't trust the durability of people or emotions anymore. Her life sometimes seemed like a perpetual wheel of this or that, lose something or get left. She had lost Danny when she was just a kid, then by extension lost Jo, she gained popularity but that wasn't a tangible person as much as it was a position. She had also lost Regina, and lost her dad. It wasn't as if he died, but he went away. She sometimes felt as if she was always on the lookout for who would leave her next. So the thought that her and Danny could actually have something truly sustainable just seemed unfathomable, like she wouldn't allow herself to wish that hard and want something so absolutely, and have it turn out like every other thing in her life had. She needed some semblance of control. She needed to be able to decide. That was a part of why she was choosing to go to college in California. Because her whole life had been about Green Grove and people who had left her or been taken from her in that town. So maybe it was finally time for her to not be the stagnant entity. Maybe it was time for her to be the one that left. And maybe it was a bit like running, as the conversation she had with Jo flashed through her mind, but at least the act was of her volition. By her own choice.

"You okay?" Called a voice, pulling her from the depths of her inner dialogue. She chastised herself, as this was clearly something that was happening much too frequently.

Lacey turned to the owner of the voice and offered a small apologetic smile. She had to get a better hold of her thoughts and better manage when they randomly decided to pull her out of reality, and into the bottomless vat of her own consciousness.

"Yeah sorry," Lacey said softly. "I'm probably bad company right now, I've just got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, I can see that," said the young man who was currently sitting next to her on the park bench. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, it's okay." Lacey responded, trying to perk up and add a carefree air to her disposition.

"Try me," Robbie asserted. "I've been told I listen well."

Lacey smiled once more as she looked at him, grateful that he was being so warm and understanding. She liked Robbie. He was interesting and had many things to say; he was smart without being pretentious. He was kind and he was funny. She even enjoyed spending time with him, but she never felt completely happy in his presence. She felt like she was just going through the motions of what she should do when they hung out. Part of her hated herself for it, she almost felt that she was wasting a great guy's time. The other part of her was under the impression that if she just tried hard enough, she'd start to feel that joy you were supposed to feel with another person who you were talking to or interested in. They'd only been talking, off and on, for two months, so nothing serious or note worthy had occurred. She did enjoy his company though, and she figured that was something to take into consideration, at the very least.

"It's just silly stuff," Lacey answered finally after settling on what to say. "School and friends, nothing hectic."

"Senior year can be overwhelming," Robbie offered sympathetically. "It was for me."

"Yeah, there's just so much going on, ya know?" Lacey explained carefully, kicking her leg lightly in a steady rhythm underneath the park bench. "So many activities, so much planning. It's all just kind of overwhelming."

"You know," Robbie started gently. "I'd like to meet your friends sometime, casually... just to hang out. Get to know the people that know you. I only really know Sarita."

Lacey watched him carefully after those words set in. She hadn't expected him to suggest such a thing, she was incredibly wary of how one friend in particular, would react to him. That was one of the positive aspects about them hanging out, Robbie was older and didn't go to her school. This meant that there was less of a chance for an awkward seismic interaction between he and Danny. She had tried dating someone at their school, and that hadn't faired well with the guy she was seeing at the time. Just the thought of Danny and Robbie being in the same room or the same space caused her reflexes to sharpen, almost as if she knew that meant she'd have to be on alert the entire time. Just waiting for the moment that Danny would do or say something out of line. Robbie couldn't meet her friends, at least not that one. It had just so happened that she was with Sarita when she met Robbie, which is the only real reason the two of them even knew one another.

"You don't think that's a good idea," Robbie supposed aloud as he watched her body language change at the suggestion.

"No," Lacey offered quickly, not wanting him to think that he wasn't good enough, or that her reasoning stemmed from a more superficial origin. "It's not that... it's just..."

"Your ex," Robbie said plainly as his eyes left hers.

"What?" Lacey questioned, feigning ignorance, although she knew exactly what he was getting at. This was the first time he had ever brought him up, and she had barely brought him up at all. Once or twice in passing but never long enough to warrant special attention or remembering things concerning him.

"The guy you were with," Robbie surmised knowingly. "You're still friends."

"How did you know that?" Lacey asked astutely, curious as to if Sarita had said something to him, but as far as she knew, the two of them didn't converse much.

"You've mentioned it before," Robbie responded. "I told you I listen well. I don't think I've forgotten anything you've said to me."

"It's not about him," Lacey asserted staunching. "It's really not, we just have a complicated past is all."

"I'm sure anybody who did what he did would have a complicated past," Robbie asserted.

Lacey face grew grim. She felt a peculiar sensation inside of her that gave her the feeling that she wanted to say something in defense of Danny. She had assumed that Robbie didn't know what Danny had done all those years ago. In that moment, she was suddenly unsure how or why she had made that assumption. Just because he didn't go to her high school, didn't mean he didn't live in her town.

"Green Grove isn't that big, Lacey." Robbie explained, watching her as she calculated the way this conversation was going. He could tell it made her uneasy, and he wondered what other emotions it called forth.

"No, I guess it isn't," Lacey proclaimed almost a bit bitterly. She pondered how this very fact made it preponderately more likely that Robbie would meet Danny eventually, even if she tried with all her might to keep them separated. It also made UC Berkley and California all the more appealing.

"You guys grew up together right?" Robbie asked gently. This was the first time she was sort of talking about her ex at length and he wanted to hear as much about him, from her, as he could. He'd already gotten the gossipy version of who Danny Desai was, and how he still managed to have a bit of a dangerous reputation that followed him.

"Yeah, since I was little," Lacey said, her voice wavered, as she recalled her childhood that was filled with memories of Danny. "He um... he's my best friend."

"How is that being friends with your ex?" Robbie questioned, he knew he was going to run out of questions soon. Or rather, her willingness to answer them would marginalize and evaporate. "I could never manage it."

"It's fine," Lacey maintained as she brushed it off. "We were friends before we were together so..."

"A little bit different after you've dated though, no?" He inquired, watching her face closely to see if her expressions would reveal what her words wouldn't.

"We manage." Lacey admitted with no inflection, just words, as she tried to think of a way to change the subject.

"Are you ever uneasy around him?" Robbie asked suddenly, his curiosity getting the better of him. He knew it was probably a stretch that she would answer and way outside the general subject matter they touched on, but he wanted a better understanding of that relationship. The look that resonated on her face, once those words had left his mouth, was enough for him to further explain the question. "No, I just mean with his history of violence and then being in juvie."

"I'm not sure what you're trying to get at," Lacey exclaimed cautiously as she watched him. Deploring the topic more and more as the seconds wore on.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to insult your friend." Robbie tried to amend. "I just wonder if you ever feel nervous around him."

"Danny would never hurt me." Lacey responded in an even, resolute tone. "He would die before he did that."

* * *

"C'mon," Lacey protested as she looked at him with an air of mock annoyance. "We have to study. We're here to study."

"I know, I know," Danny relented, as he settled deeper into his side of the booth. "But I wanna eat first. Jesse said these new loaded fries are amazing. He wouldn't even tell me what they put on them."

"Danny," Lacey sighed, as she began to subconsciously tap her foot, knowing that this was only going to prolong their night and subsequent study session longer than necessary. "You aren't even going to eat all this food."

"You're right," Danny said, his mouth forming a small, quick smirk. "You're gonna help me."

"I'm not hungry," Lacey protested, as she folded her arms in front of her and sat back with a huff. "I just want to study."

"Pfft, the Lacey Porter I know would never turn down french fries," Danny exclaimed, as he took a bite of the fries from the carton in front of him, along side it were onion rings, a cheeseburger, and a huge vanilla milkshake. "Especially fries slathered in stuff to make them even better. Oh my God, they're so good."

Lacey couldn't help but smirk momentarily at his exaggeratedly pleased face as he chewed. He was being so dramatic about some damn french fries, but it was amusing all at the same time. She rolled her eyes at him as he kept chewing his food.

"You know you want some of these fries," Danny exclaimed knowingly. "Don't try to act like you don't. Just have a couple."

Lacey eyed him tenaciously, her glare for show more than an actual display of irritation. She tried to fix her lips and ward off the smile that threatened to break through once more.

"Just have a bite," Danny requested mildly, his eyes dancing over the look on her face. "Just one bite."

"Alright," Lacey yielded, reaching for a nearby fork.

Before she could even grasp it, his hands had plucked two fries from the carton, the ends covered in sauce as he leaned forward, reached out and put them right at her lips. Surprised, her eyes found his keenly, as she opened her mouth to accept them. She didn't want to hesitate with too much emphasis, causing the moment to be more impacting than it already was. He lightly ran his thumb over the corner of her mouth before pulling his hand back and tearing his eyes from her.

"Finish eating so we can start," Lacey instructed after swallowing her bite.

"They're good right?" Danny asked, his eyes flicked up at her as he took another bite himself.

"Uh huh," Lacey nodded, reaching for his milkshake and taking a sip.

"You want some more?" Danny asked, gesturing to the fries.

"No," Lacey shook her head, a hand raising in protest. "I want you to finish so we can start studying."

"You're just gonna watch me eat?" Danny supposed.

"No, I'm going to study while you eat," Lacey corrected, as she opened her textbook and picked up her pen.

She tried with all her might to wrangle in the nervous energy that immediately had her wanting to tap the pen. The night had started off all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how she had intended it. They weren't on a date, they were supposed to be studying. He wasn't supposed to be feeding her french fries and she wasn't supposed to be subconsciously drinking his drink. These moments always threw her into a headspace she couldn't afford. Accidental intimacy was too costly.

20 minutes later they were seated in silence, both trying to tackle a problem. Their chemistry textbooks opened to the same page. Danny had been helping her more than she had been him. He had such a natural knack for the subject, that it was a wonder she'd had to convince him to take the advanced placement test to get in the more challenging class. She didn't know why it had been like pulling teeth, she didn't understand why him readily applying himself was something that took so much effort. She couldn't want something for him that he didn't want for himself. But it wasn't so much the absence of that desire, but the reason behind it's presence that ultimately concerned her. Jo's words rang in her ear.

"I want to talk to you about something," Lacey broke the silence, as she lifted her head to look at him.

"About what?" Danny said, his eyes drifting up to look at her and then looking back down at his textbook.

"About you." Lacey said plainly, as she dropped her pen and sharpened her gaze, fixing it on him in a direct manner.

"What about me, Lace?" Danny questioned as he straightened his posture and returned her incessant look.

"What are your plans after graduation?" Lacey questioned evenly, her eyes not leaving him.

Danny swallowed hard at her question, his eyes diverted from hers momentarily once he realized what she wanted to discuss. He experienced that sudden wave of general unease and discomfort at the mention of anything post graduation. He didn't want to talk about this, he never wanted to talk about this. Especially with her. Having this discussion while looking in her face, seemed unthinkable. He wouldn't manage it.

"I don't know," Danny answered lightly, clearing his throat and averting his attention back to his textbook.

"What do you mean 'I don't know'?" Lacey countered with exactitude.

"Just what I said," Danny stated, not engaging her as he stared at the open book in front of him. "I don't know."

"Look at me," Lacey requested lightly after taking a pause.

Danny obliged her, sitting back in the booth and folding his hands on the table. He was going to try like hell to get out of the conversation as soon as an opportunity presented itself.

"You need a plan, Danny." Lacey said gently, immediately struck by how different he seemed now that she'd brought this up. "Everybody needs a plan. What's your plan?"

"I don't have one right now," Danny answered carefully, he could feel his entire disposition shift. There was more tension in his shoulders, his jaw seemed tighter. "I'll figure it out. It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal though," Lacey retorted, her voice suddenly laced with more emotion than needed. "It's your future. Why is your future not a big deal?"

Danny stared at her but remained silent. He knew exactly why it wasn't a big deal. Or why he was trying everything within his power to lessen what his future would mean once it came. It would be without her. That's what his future entailed. Void of her presence. That stunning revelation, though visited temporarily at times, seemed to hit him squarely in the chest as he sat there looking at her. He realized he absolutely could not bear the weight of their current conversation.

"Let's just drop it, friend," Danny muttered, shifting in his spot a bit.

Lacey stiffened at the use of that word. He'd started calling her 'friend' here and there about six months ago, right around the time she started seeing Alex. She absolutely hated it. Hated the way he used it, hated how it threw her off, hated it even when there was no sarcasm or wit laced within his delivery. She just despised how he would try to make such a precise point with one word; and still more, that he succeeded.

"That's what I'm trying to be," Lacey exclaimed, feeling frustrated and as if she was getting nowhere. "I'm trying to be a friend. I'm trying to help."

Danny breathed as he ran his hand through his hair, looking everywhere but her face. He knew that's what she was trying to do, to help. She just wanted to help and he knew that. But he didn't want her help. Not regarding this. He didn't want help in figuring out how to exist without her. Such charity.

"Let's just study," Danny propositioned hurriedly. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Why?" Lacey implored, her need of an answer reaching obvious levels.

Danny's eyes fell back on her, but he didn't say anything. He probably didn't even breath for a moment. Just looked deeply in her eyes. The way that her face changed when the realization struck her, made him certain that she knew why. He didn't have to tell her, he just had to look at her and allow the reason to line his face. Lacey felt her throat start to close as she tore her gaze from his and she took a deep, shaky breath.

"Let's just study," Danny repeated as his eyes dropped back onto the book, both of them certain that the conversation was indeed over.


	5. Good Morning

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who is reading this story and leaving such wonderful reviews. Special thanks and shout out to Penny, Ami, Jules and all of you on Tumblr who are so encouraging and lovely and incredible. Your kind words have affected me deeply and I am forever grateful. I'm so happy that you are seem to enjoy this enough to keep reading. **

* * *

Lacey sat in the stands alongside Jo, Sarita, and Phoebe as they watched and cheered on the soccer team at one of their last home games. The realization that this would be one of the last times that Danny got to play the sport he loved so much, was silently plaguing her and altering the usual complete focus that she had whenever watching him and the team play. Furthermore, the realization that this would also be one of the last times she would watch him play the sport, stung her in a very literal and deafening way. The events of the past couple of weeks, intertwined with the narrowing of time, was starting to hover over her and it was scary. Letting go of something when you want to hold on so desperately, takes a strenuous toll on the heart. It didn't help that since their study session a few nights earlier, she felt an almost consistent weight that spelled out guilt on her shoulders. Prior to this, she had briefly, yet not whole heartedly entertained Jo's words regarding the reasoning behind Danny's lack of direction, but didn't necessarily believe it to be completely true. His all but verbal admission of the fact, sent her mind and heart spinning with no method to ease it in sight.

Part of her deplored the very notion of it. How could she be held accountable for another person, one she wasn't even with? Why was her wanting to experience a new place and a new atmosphere wholly responsible for the lack of structure and application of her best friend, her ex boyfriend, her... something? It was too much pressure, she shouldn't have to bear the brunt of his sadness and her's as well. The other part of her wanted to weep at the notion, wanted to crawl into a little ball and marinate in his utter lack of ability to function, at the mere thought of being without her. She knew with no doubt that she meant more to him than anyone. But that unequivocal knowledge didn't necessarily extend past himself. Not that he wouldn't sacrifice certain parts of himself for her, but that in particular seemed like too big of a part. Too much of a sacrifice; his entire future. She tried to rationalize how he was able to so willingly sacrifice that, but wouldn't sacrifice or reveal his emotional truth, his demons, his scars to her. Or maybe he just couldn't. Perhaps he saw it more as a burden on her, than a sacrifice of his pride or strength. Either way it made her want to wrap her arms around him, and chastise him for being so selfish and selfless in the same breath.

This new revelation had also made her second guess her decision to go. Which she immediately despised and felt great agitation over. Why should she give up her choice because he didn't want to think about what it was like without her? Why was her future supposed to rotate on the hinge of someone whom she hadn't even been able to have a successful relationship with? But the more she thought about it, the greater and more taxing her choice seemed to become. She had to figure out another way to get through to him. The thought of both her and Jo leaving in August, and him being left to his own devices was actually terrifying. If he couldn't continually manage his temper, his rash judgements and his manipulations of other people successfully while they were both readily in his life, how on earth would be do it when they weren't there? The thought made her chest tighten as she crossed her arms around herself. She watched him on the soccer field as he engaged in some aggressive and unnecessary tactics while trying to finagle the ball out of the opposing player's possession. Lacey would bet that he'd get a red card before the first half was over. She briefly thought about the time he had gotten hurt last year, she had been so worried and frantic that she ran out on the field, even though Jo had tried to hold her back. He had twisted his knee and was on crutches for weeks.

He wasn't the only one having a hard time with the notion of her leaving, she bemused in her head, vaguely hearing Phoebe cheering way too loudly beside her. It was hard for her too. She didn't want to think about leaving him or being without him. She hated the thought, in truth. But a specific part of her felt like maybe this was what she actually needed. For growth, for expansion, for maturity. Maybe she needed to be away from him, even if she didn't necessarily want to be. Maybe she was just trying to prove to herself that she could do it. That she was strong enough to manage it. That despite the unmitigated truth of her feelings for him, despite how she denied them to herself and other people, she'd be able to make it somewhere that he wasn't. She desperately tried to fight against the negative emotions that rose like lava inside her at the thought. She tried to steadily convince herself that it was what she needed, and maybe what he needed as well.

Maybe he needed to figure out what it would be like without her, maybe he needed to realize that she and Jo wouldn't always be there to talk sense into him, or to convince him of something. Maybe she needed to figure out how to exist without his fierce and unwavering protection of her, or his charm, or his mannerisms. She reasoned with herself that things like this happened all the time, people grew up, and they moved away. Hundreds of thousands of kids moved away for college, why shouldn't she be one of them? That was part of life, wasn't it? Getting older and growing apart from those you were closest to. But therein lied the fundamental problem, he and her weren't growing apart. If anything, they were becoming more fused together, despite the boundaries, despite the labels, despite each other.

"Uh, what is she doing here?" Sarita's voice cut through the tail end of Lacey's thoughts.

Lacey looked up to see who Sarita was referring to and instantly felt her stomach sink. Standing a few yards away from the field was Amelia. She was alone and watching the game rather intently. Lacey could feel the eyes of Phoebe, Jo and Sarita on her as she studied the girl who was standing underneath a tree off to the side. Lacey felt a range of emotions, several that she tried to usher away as soon as they hit her. She took a deep breath and averted her eyes from the girl and looked back at the field. She felt herself start to subconsciously ring her hands, balling up the ends of her sleeves into her fists, as she tried to channel her reaction as best she could.

"Why is she even here?" Phoebe scoffed.

"Maybe to watch the school's soccer team play," Lacey responded sarcastically. "I'm gonna go talk to her."

"Lacey!" Jo gasped, a look of trepidation and doubt on her face. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yeah," Lacey answered in an even tone, mustering up the courage to do as she said, by taking a deep breath. "It'll be fine. I'm just gonna introduce myself."

"You really don't think she already doesn't know who you are?" Sarita surmised, casting her eyes over in Amelia's direction once more.

"Well even if she does," Lacey exclaimed. "It'll be fine. I'm not going to react the way Danny did to Alex, we're not the same person."

"But maybe you shouldn't-" Jo started to object but Lacey cut her off by standing, as if she'd already made up her mind.

"It'll be fine," Lacey repeated herself, taking another deep breath. "I'm just going to go say hello."

Lacey felt the eyes of her three friends following her as she made her way over to where Amelia was standing. Amelia seemed to be so engrossed and focused on the game that she didn't even notice Lacey until she was almost right at her side. Amelia angled her body to give her attention to whomever had approached her, when she saw Lacey her face went meek, then expressionless before a small smile tugged at her mouth. Lacey observed the girl quickly. This was the first time she had seen her close up. She was right in her prior assertion that the girl was cute. She had short dark hair, bright vibrant gray eyes, an angular nose, that she now saw had a small hoop through it, and symmetrical jaw. Lacey felt a pang in the pit of her stomach at the sudden realization of just how attractive the girl was.

"Hi," Lacey managed in a friendly tone, wondering if the girl would be receptive or wary of being approached by her.

"Hey Lacey," Amelia responded sweetly, smiling once more as she called her by her name.

"Your name's Amelia right?" Lacey questioned, knowing fully well what the name of the girl before her was.

"Yeah," Amelia nodded, looking at the soccer field briefly before returning her gaze to Lacey.

"Well I just wanted to come over here and say hi," Lacey offered, trying to forge as much genuine energy into the slightly awkward exchange.

"Of course, yes!" Amelia's voice came out more chipper and excited than it needed to be. "I've been meaning to introduce myself to you in the halls but never really got around to it."

"Right," Lacey said as she nodded, shifting on her feet a bit. Her body felt so strange in the midst of this conversation.

"I've heard a lot about you," Amelia offered, not gravely but not with enthusiasm either.

Lacey watched the girl carefully, wondering just what Danny had told Amelia about her. She didn't feel exposed or under a microscope by that admission, but it did cause her ears to perk up just slightly. She almost wanted to know exactly what he'd said, but didn't want to ask Amelia, fearing that would make her look insecure or weak.

"Danny said you're from D.C.?" Lacey offered, changing the subject from her to the girl. "How do you like Green Grove?"

"Yeah, I'm a military brat," Amelia explained. "We move around a lot. But I like it here, I may stay for awhile."

"Oh, so you aren't going off to college after the summer?" Lacey inquired, the wheels in her head started turning and that tinge of jealousy she had experienced before when she realized Amelia was there, and also when she got a good look at her, returned. She suddenly thought that maybe speaking with her wasn't such a good idea.

"No," Amelia answered thoughtfully. "I'll probably just take a year off and figure out what I wanna do."

Lacey nodded as she absentmindedly looked toward the field, thinking of what she should offer as a conversation piece next.

"Lacey..." Amelia trailed off, as Lacey directed her attention back at the girl. "I just want to let you know that... Danny and I... we're just friends, there's nothing going on between us."

Lacey didn't know how to take that revelation. It made her rock back on her heels and cross her arms in front of herself instinctually. There were many different reasons why Amelia could have said this; it was disconcerting on every level when she thought about the connotations of each one. She may have said it to appear the sweet, unsuspecting girl whom Lacey had nothing to fear or be jealous of, all the while plotting to make her move. She may have said it just to throw Lacey off. She may have said it to get information about the current status of their relationship, or to gather a better understanding of what the state of it was in the past. She could have been telling the truth. But one look at Amelia and knowing how attractive and charming Danny was, sometimes without even trying, Lacey felt her doubt grow and almost overflow as she watched Amelia perceptively.

"Did he ask you to tell me that?" Lacey asked rather directly, after letting the silence between them rest. Another option suddenly springing to mind. Danny used his manipulation best sometimes on unsuspecting parties.

"What?" Amelia questioned, confusion lined her features as her eyes seemed to get brighter. "No... not at all. I just know you two..."

Amelia trailed off and Lacey didn't correct her, and didn't finish her sentence for her. As of late, Lacey walked around clarifying that she and Danny were just friends to anyone who questioned it, to anyone who would listen, but with this girl she stayed quiet. Didn't verify nor deny. She let Amelia think what she was going to think.

"It was nice talking to you Amelia," Lacey offered giving the girl a polite, small smile as she begin to turn.

"Yeah you too," Amelia responded quickly. "Oh by the way, I really like your necklace."

Lacey halted where she stood, her eyes meeting Amelia's briefly before she offered her a kind, appreciative expression.

"Thanks," Lacey said. "Danny gave it to me."

* * *

Danny tossed and turned, trying desperately to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. But it wasn't really his body's lack of finding a comfortable spot on his bed that was ailing him, it was more so the repetitive thoughts careening through his head, that was keeping him from getting any rest. This wasn't a solitary incident, he sometimes dealt with insomnia on occasion when his mind wouldn't turn off, or at least slow down enough for his body to be lulled into sleep. She was almost always the topic in his thoughts at these hours of the night. If it wasn't about her, it was about him, or his father, or how messed up he truly was. Behind all the charm, and impatience and mystery, he knew that there were so many pieces of himself that were more like jagged edges. Anyone who ran their fingers over those parts of him, if he ever revealed them, would cut themselves. He was of the thought process that innocent people didn't deserve such a fate.

So no, Lacey didn't deserve to bleed because of his inadequacies, his tumultuous afflictions shouldn't be offered up for her to juggle. That would be painful for him to watch. It would only wound him further. But in truth, he was wounded regardless. His mind drifted to their short little talk at the diner and and annoying pressure started to climb his temples. He had known that she would undoubtedly bring the subject matter up sooner or later, Jo had done so previously, and he had tried to avert it all together. On one hand, it warmed his heart that they both cared enough about him to be so concerned about his choices and what he was doing with his life, but the flip side of that only left him feeling despondent, upset and desperately wishing the days would just slow down, so that he had more than mere months before his whole world changed yet again. It wasn't just about the work or going to class, because he knew in the deep corners of his being that it wouldn't change their reality. If he had started off senior year with focus and tenacity, she would still be moving to California in August, she'd just be asserting her opinion on what college he should go to instead of insisting he go to class, or study for an AP exam.

He knew that his lack of scholarly focus was not the impetus to them being "just friends". He knew it was so much more than that, he knew it was so much deeper and more widespread. There were things that she couldn't deal with and there were things that he couldn't reveal. She had said once that being with him was worth the risk, but apparently she had been wrong. He would have to figure out a way to let her go. He'd already done it in part, mostly. Because he refrained from kissing her mouth mercilessly whenever the inclination struck him, which was often. He refrained from saying things that were suggestive and deemed highly inappropriate for the current parameters of their relationship. But the complete uprooting that would be soon knocking on his door, in the form of a semi permanent goodbye, rocked him to his core. It made him feel disorientated and afraid. He couldn't even properly propel himself into that headspace, without wanting to clench his fists and grit his teeth. The notion of being without her in almost every capacity was downright petrifying. The five years of his life that he had spent without her were the most god awful and damaging he'd ever experienced. The mere comparison that his mind made in that moment was too much for him.

He momentarily shifted his focus to Amelia, or rather Lacey and Amelia. Putting them in the same space in his brain was taxing, and never felt quite right. Almost like trying to put two things that weren't on the same level side by side, the differences were glaring and unfair. He only thought of them at the same time when he remembered catching a glimpse of the two of them talking, as he'd looked up in search of Lacey's face during a lull in the game. He saw Jo, Sarita and Phoebe sitting in their normal spots, but Lacey wasn't beside them. His eyes fell on a nearby tree and he was instantly shocked and a little bewildered at what he saw, Lacey and Amelia talking. He had wondered momentarily what they were discussing, but realized it was probably him, because they didn't have anything else in common. They differed preeminently from one another. He instantly wanted to know what was said in those moments during their conversation, but didn't necessarily want to ask either of them for the details.

He rolled over once more and glanced at his clock, figuring he might as well get up if he was going to go to this senior sunrise ordeal.

* * *

Lacey gazed at the dark sky, shutting out the whispers and rustling sounds of groggy classmates around her. Most of them were barely awake for this yearly ritual that the seniors took part in, watching the sun rise over the horizon. It was supposed to signify newness, a fresh beginning, turning a page. All aptly placed analogies for what they were all going to encounter in the near future, or perhaps encountering already. She let her eyes span the early morning sky, letting them drink in the dark, alluring nature of the atmosphere prior to the sun's grand entrance. She took a deep breath of the cool air and shivered a bit, her fingers pulling her cardigan sleeves down over her hands more. She should have chosen something warmer to put on. She decided to excuse herself from where Phoebe, Rico and Jo stood, to take a couple of minutes separate from the group. She'd find and rejoin them once the sun actually began its ascent. Until then she was going to breath the cool air in silence and hope that it cleansed her seemingly perpetual state of worry and doubt, which was laden in her existence lately.

Lacey took a deep breath and angled her face up to the sky as she closed her eyes and attempted to still herself. She stayed like that for three full minutes until she heard someone's footsteps, crunching over the grass as they got closer to her, she opened her eyes but didn't turn towards the noise, it was probably just Jo or Phoebe checking on her to make sure that she was okay.

"Good morning," his low voice drawled as he stopped alongside her. His body facing out towards the still seeping dark horizon in front of them.

Lacey turned her head quickly as she heard his voice. Her eyes drank him in, after the surprise brought on by his presence wore off. From what the limited light allowed, he looked both wide awake and exhausted.

"I thought you weren't gonna come," Lacey breathed, she turned her shoulders just barely in his direction.

"I was already up," Danny explained gently, taking in the sky's obscurity. "I wasn't doing anything else so I figured why not?"

"Why were you already up?" Lacey questioned, turning her body further towards him trying to get a better look at his face.

"I couldn't sleep." Danny admitted as his eyes shifted, fell on hers and took her in.

What Lacey did next stunned the both of them almost equally, although she would soon write it off as purely instinctual and he would excuse it as a physical manifestation of worry. Lacey put her hand on the side of his face, to better peer into it. The coolness of her hand almost shocked him, he hadn't expected her to touch him at all, much less like that. His face sunk into the crux of her soft hand as his gaze held hers, his hand involuntarily reached up to grasp her elbow.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Lacey asked gently as her eyes scanned his face, a shiver reverberated over her body and she immediately realized how intimate the moment would look if anyone saw them. She was also the one that had added the physical element to the exchange, so she couldn't blame him in the least, which she had become accustomed to doing in such circumstances. "You need to be sleeping."

"You're cold," Danny observed in a whisper, changing the subject. He turned his face further into her hand, his nose grazing the inside of her wrist as he took a deep breath. He started to shrug off his jacket, she ran her hand against the stubble on his jaw before dropping it to her side.

"No, no I'm fine," Lacey attempted to protest, still more concerned about the fact that he hadn't even been to sleep that night, then she was about being a little cold.

Her protests fell on deaf ears, as his hands draped his jacket over her shoulders and pulled it closed in front of her.

"Thank you," Lacey said after a moment, her expression softening at the gesture. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Hmm," Danny pondered, allowing his hands to drop from the front of his jacket. "My mind won't let me."

"How long has this been going on?" Lacey questioned, her concern evident. "You think maybe you should see somebody about it?"

"It's not a big deal," Danny shrugged and then shook his head. "I'll sleep when I'm dead."

"Don't say things like that," Lacey said sharply, another chill running through her, she bunched the fabric on the inside of his jacket her hands.

"It's just a saying Lace," Danny chuckled.

"I know that but even still..." Lacey trailed off. "I'm gonna go get my phone, I left it in my car. Did you say hi to Jo and them yet?"

"No, I didn't." Danny answered as he looked over at the various groups of people that were sprawled in different areas awaiting the sun's arrival.

"Okay, well I'm gonna run to my car, and I'll meet you over there okay?" Lacey asserted.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Danny asked.

"No, it's fine... it's just right there." Lacey muttered, pointing to her car which was in the parking lot, not far away.

"Alright."

They went in opposite directions, as both of them were undoubtedly spinning like tops after the moment they had just shared. Lacey's apprehension was short lived as she started thinking about how he said he wasn't sleeping. That worried and concerned her on a very basic level. She pulled his jacket tighter around her and walked quickly to her car. Once she retrieved her phone, she started walking back. The effervescent illumination that cast over the sky was a sign that the sun would start peaking in about 5 minutes. Her eyes scanned the crowd, and landed on Jo, Rico and Phoebe in a different spot than she had left them. But oddly enough, Danny wasn't with them.

For a moment, she thought that maybe he hadn't found them, until her eyes fell on him talking to someone straight ahead. She felt the hairs on her arms stand up, and not because of the chill in the air, as she instantly knew who the person was. Frozen in place, she watched him engaged in conversation with Amelia for a couple of moments, trying her best to breath deeply and not let the visceral reaction that was creeping up, completely consume her. Suddenly without warning, Amelia's eyes met hers, the look that she gave her wasn't negative or threatening in any way but it was pointed. Lacey watched the expression on the girl's face change as Amelia seemed to recognize what Lacey had on, or rather who it belonged to. Before Lacey had another destructive or paralyzing thought, she turned around and walked in the direction she had just come from.

Lacey opened her car door and sunk into the seat, slamming it behind her, as she tried again in vain to harness her feelings. She was met with his scent as she took deep breaths and that drove her even further into a senseless emotional unraveling. She felt the tears sting her eyes as she tried to fight them off and keep them at bay. She stuffed her nose in the collar of his jacket, leaned her forehead against the steering wheel and took slow breaths willing her emotions to stop their volatile descent through her body. The sobs that started emitting from her mouth came out stifled and hard. She tried to hold them in, for what reason she didn't know. She was alone in her car, nothing was around but the remnants of his scent.

**A/N: Don't forget to review! :)**


	6. Muscle Memory

**A/N: Mature rating called into effect from here on out. Don't forget to review and let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

**New Years Eve One Year Ago**

Lacey was already one drink deep on the New Years Eve of junior year. She had promised herself that after a hellish and whirlwind of a Christmas, she would enjoy herself tonight. Unfortunately, she had spent Christmas eve, most of Christmas day and a small amount of the day after Christmas refereeing her parent's ridiculous arguments and trying to usher Clara out of the house, so she wouldn't be a witness to more dysfunction than was absolutely necessary. And none of it was necessary at any rate. But her father had maintained that he wanted to spend Christmas with his daughters. Her mother had been indignant and cold, while maintaining her fire, and snide remarks were a dime a dozen. Lacey knew deep down that her parents had a lot to work out, but it's hard to work on something that's already demolished; it's hard to salvage a relationship that was built on a lie and now served no purpose. But their inability to be cordial with one another for longer than 45 minutes was excruciating and tiring. One made a quip about the other's parenting skills, followed by a deft comeback aimed at the throat, regarding physical absence. It was a cycle and it never stopped. Lacey had been gritting her teeth and trying in vain to distract her sister, who was at this stage in her life, way too old and perceptive to not understand what was going on. But Clara appreciated Lacey's attempts. Her sister's protective instincts never went unnoticed.

The music blared loudly in the living room of Danny's house, as many kids from their school, and a couple from other schools, lined the room, the hallway and the kitchen. The party had only been underway for about an hour, and mostly everyone whom she wanted to spend ringing in the New Year with, had shown up. Sarita talked her ear off about some run in she had earlier in the day with one of her ex's, before excusing herself to go use the phone. Lacey glanced around the room looking for where Jo or Phoebe had disappeared to. Her eyes fell on the profile of Danny in the corner of the room talking to the DJ. The fact that he had even gotten a DJ was hilarious, he wasn't a professional or anything, but he was pretty good, he went to their school and absolutely knew how to spin and use his equipment. She didn't even know how he'd convinced his mom to let him have this party while she was out of town. The two of them had spent Christmas in Arizona and Danny had come home early for the party. Karen was generally really chill about him having parties, but never when she was out of the state. He had probably fed her some line and given her that licensed charm, and she had given in to his wishes. She also most certainty had him put all her expensive vases and valuables away so a stray arm or body wouldn't bump up against them and damage or break them beyond repair. Lacey was silently thankful for that, Danny didn't need to deal with drunken teenagers breaking his mother's things. He deserved a night to have fun and let loose, just as she did.

Danny's eyes flitted up and met hers head on, they stood like that, their eyes pinning the other with distinction, before he turned to the DJ, said something to him and headed straight for where she was standing. She watched him approach her as she sipped from her plastic red cup. She had seen him earlier when she had first arrived but hadn't really spoken to him at length. His eyes twinkled as he scanned her face, a smile coating his lips for a millisecond as he slowed his steps and stood before her.

"Hi," Danny offered casually, his gaze resolute and welcoming.

"Hi," Lacey countered, offering him a gentle smile. "Nice party."

"Yeah, it's okay," Danny chuckled, breaking their eye contact to look around the room briefly.

"Where's your drink?" Lacey asked, shaking her cup gently as she took another sip.

"I haven't started yet," Danny admitted, almost regretfully, as if he could really use a drink.

"Better catch up," Lacey suggested, tilting her head as she watched him. She was in that space right before tipsy hit. That spot of still fairly sober, but warm.

"You look good," Danny asserted, his eyes acutely absorbing her presence.

"Thank you," Lacey replied, smiling briefly.

"Like really, really good," Danny further declared, his eyes scanning her quickly from head to toe.

"Alright, alright enough," Lacey let out a giggle, as her hand quickly reached out to swat at his shoulder.

She did look good. Well, in the spirit of complete fairness and honesty, she looked incredible. She was a knockout every day of the week, but donning a little black dress and heels, she was divinity in motion. The ends of her dark hair held loose yet full curls, her usual minimal makeup amped up a notch, with fuller eyelashes, eyeliner and a deep burgundy lip color. Frankly, he had taken a double take when she walked in the door earlier that night. It was sometimes a matchless burden to be regularly floored by her physically stunning nature, he never got used to it. It still caught him off guard; it was still hopelessly staggering. Danny was pleased that recently more and more of their exchanges had been light and easy like this one. There was no hidden awkwardness, no mindless assertion that they couldn't hang out or be relatively normal around each other. He still despised the word "friend", but managed a mostly pleasant involvement with her. There was a slip up five months prior, and an argument a couple months after that, but recently, within the last month or two, they had seemed to have some type of invisible breakthrough. One that afforded them a bit of peace in their interactions with one another, one that wasn't exasperating or tentative or painful. For that he was grateful.

"Lacey... Lacey I need to talk to you!" Phoebe appeared virtually out of thin air, and almost latched onto Lacey's side as she nearly completely ignored Danny's presence. "It's important. You don't mind, Danny, do you?"

Danny's eyes never left Lacey, as he rose his hands in unanimity, showing the both of them that he wouldn't object. He gave Phoebe a pleasant look briefly before his eyes fell back on Lacey.

"Of course not," Danny said evenly. "I'll see you later."

Those words rang like a promise and the truth in her ears as she nodded wordlessly in agreement. Danny took a step to walk away from the two girls, and allow whatever girl talk Phoebe seemed so desperate to engage in with Lacey. His shoulder brushed Lacey's lightly, as he angled his body to walk around her and not in between the two girls. He briefly laid his hand on the small of her back, not for emphasis or to cause any specific reaction. Though one was caused inadvertently all the same. Lacey felt warmth emanate from the spot that he grazed, his hand firm yet yielding. The tips of his fingers touched her vertebrae with distinct accuracy, and even through her dress she swore she could feel the skin of his hand. It only lasted a second, as his touch feathered off of her and he continued walking away. Lacey's head snapped up to follow his movements, completely unaware of what Phoebe was yammering on about in her ear. Once Phoebe had finished, Lacey responded in kind and then with intention and frankness made a declaration.

"I need another drink."

* * *

Lacey swayed lightly on the balls of her feet, both arms bent. One hand held her drink close to her mouth, as she studied what was before her. Pictures, all in frames on his dresser. There was a picture of the three of them, actually more than one. There was a picture of his mom, a few of him when he was small. There was even a picture of just he and her. Lacey took a sip from her drink as she recalled when it had been taken. It was before the breakup and the both looked blissfully happy. She felt a knot start to mold itself in her stomach, as she took a deep breath and another sip of her strong drink, in an attempt to stifle her involuntary reaction to the image. Towards the back of the display of pictures, there was a frame that was flipped face down. As she peered closer at it, she saw broken shards of glass escaping the bottom of the frame. Carefully, she lifted the front of the frame to see which picture sat in it. A few more pieces of glass fell from the frame, as her eyes landed on the image. Her heart sank when she saw it. A picture of Danny and his father. Danny was young in the picture, maybe age 5 or 6. What was especially haunting about the photograph, was the look of pure happiness and joy on Danny's face to be in the presence of the man he adored and idolized. Lacey carefully put the picture back where she had found it, trying to avoid the glass fragments.

She sighed and took a deep breath as her heart stung for Danny. It had been an incredibly difficult process to go through what he did when he had gotten back to Green Grove. Finding out his father was alive, and not the man he had thought him to be was one thing. But realizing that his entire life's framework was carefully constructed in such a way to keep these things from him: it was arduous. Finding out about his involvement with Jo's mom had been the nail in the proverbial coffin. Jo's parents had separated soon after all of that, and other more ridiculous facts came to light. His resentment and destain for his father ran rapid. Conversely, Danny had developed a whole new appreciation for his mother. He now cherished and protected her against anything. A grand shift of how his perspective was prior to his time spent in juvie. It was almost as if his two parents had switched places in both his consciousness and his heart. Lacey knew that many of Danny's issues stemmed from his complete lack of trust that he had in his father. He felt unloved, betrayed and as if his father wasn't the man he had grew to respect and almost model himself after. The latter was something she could tell he struggled with internally. Wondering if he had parts of Vikram in him that he no longer wanted or could properly distinguish. Contemplating at length if he was doomed to turn out just like him, even against his own accord.

"Oh there you are," Danny's voice came cascading through her eardrums, the sound resonated in a deep unseen place. Lacey's head turned as she saw him standing at his bedroom door. "What are you doing?"

"Reminiscing," Lacey offered lightly, gesturing to the pictures in front of her.

"Hmm," Danny responded thoughtfully. "All by yourself?"

"Well not anymore," Lacey noted as she smiled. "Were you looking for me?"

"I was," Danny admitted. "But I also came up here to change my shirt, it's covered in beer."

"Who spilled beer on you?" Lacey questioned in surprise, turning to face him. She hadn't heard any unnecessarily loud curse words, or a scuffle, which would have most likely followed some drunk guy spilling beer on him. But then again the music was pretty loud.

"No one," Danny answered, his eyes shown brightly as he took in her concerned expression. "I did it, I was carrying too many bottles back into the kitchen and I spilled one."

"You're already cleaning up?" Lacey's voice dropped in a bit of a scold. "You're supposed to be enjoying the party!"

"I am, I am." Danny assured her, feeling appreciation that his mood and enjoyment of the party seemed of paramount importance to her.

"How many drinks have you had?" Lacey countered, almost as if she was quizzing him. But also because she was suddenly curious to know if he was as tipsy as she was. She somehow doubted it. He seemed his regular steady, striking self. He usually acted a very specific way when he was drunk, especially if he was also sad.

"Two," Danny proclaimed almost proudly, displaying two fingers as a form of illustration. "What about you?"

"None of your business," Lacey joked, her voice light and jovial, as she took another sip from her cup.

"Too many is the answer to that question," Danny laughed, as he gently nudged her shoulder with his two fingers. Lacey teetered on her heels just slightly when he briefly meddled with her balance. Her hand came out and tried to do the same on his chest but he didn't falter. Danny let out another chuckle, his eyes beaming as he walked passed her and into his closet.

Lacey's eyes followed him as he went, her focus on his shoulders, and the hand that came up to release his hair. She immediately caught the way she was gazing at him and attempted to fixate on something else. Like the painting on the wall over his bed. That proved an effective tactic for a couple of seconds, before she felt her head swimming and her eyes suddenly returned to the minimal few of him that was unobstructed by the closet. She saw the top of his shoulders and his lithe upper back muscles, all wrapped under tight, brown skin. The way the bottom of his hair grazed his shoulders was hypnotizing and distinct. She watched the part of him that she could see, ruffle through hangers and shelves, trying to find a shirt. Lacey felt herself catch her bottom lip between her teeth, feeling all the energy in her body start to expand then descend. She was almost positive that he was making some form of small talk, as she heard the sound of his voice and knew that he was completely oblivious to her ogling him.

"Stop," Lacey muttered under her breath, squeezing her eyes shut momentarily. Instructing herself to direct her thoughts into a more safe, appropriate direction.

"Hmm?" She heard him question from the closet.

"Nothing," She answered, her voice coming out in a strange, rapid tone.

"Oh, Sarita's looking for you," Danny said, as he stepped out of his closet, wearing a deep blue henley. Lacey didn't even realized he had put on a shirt. Whenever span of time that had happened in, she had missed it. His was hair still down, as his right hand played with his hair tie. When his eyes met hers, she sucked in a breath. "She told me to tell you that if I found you."

"I'll find her later," Lacey replied, feeling her face grow a bit hot as she eyed him.

Danny nodded as he brought his hands up to his hair, running them through the long tresses a couple of times, before piling it all on the top of his head, quickly securing it with the hair tie. Lacey watched his movements steadily, thinking about the last time she had felt that hair between her fingers. She suddenly cleared her throat and averted her eyes when he started to walk towards her, stopping a mere pace away from her. His eyes studied her face with the level of contemplation used when the right word escapes you.

"What it is?" Danny asked gently, his gaze grasping her in a manner that almost seemed physical.

"Nothing," Lacey whispered, trying to keep still. Her body suddenly couldn't hold all her energy, her fingers gripped her cup tighter.

"What's on your mind, Porter?" Danny prodded, he could tell that something was going on with her, but he couldn't really place what effectively. Not with any absolute level of certainty. He assumed he had the alcohol in his bloodstream to blame for that. A piece of hair had fallen in her face; he fought the urge to move it.

Lacey stood silently before him. Trying to breathe, even though her lungs seemed to be disobeying her brain's order. He was the answer to that question. Everything about him. His hands, his eyes, his hair, his mouth, his everything. She was wordlessly at the mercy of his incantations. What was worse, was that it seemed unintentional. The look on his face read curiosity more than urgency, though his proximity belied the latter. He wasn't being purposely charming or disarming, and that only made her desire to reach out to him more fervent.

Lacey brought her cup to her mouth to drink the remaining contents in it, because it was the only thing she could do to extend the moment before her next action, which was going to undoubtedly happen, she quickly surmised. Turning slightly to put the emptied cup on his dresser, she was facing him again in a flash. Lacey placed her hands delicately on his shoulders, letting them sweep down onto his chest and then bringing them back up. Her hands moved with a sort of deliberate efficiency. Her eyes followed the movement of her hands. So his muscles tensing beneath them, followed by the disembarking of his hands to her hips, were the two things that signified his realization of the moment shifting.

"I have an idea," Lacey said softly as she rose her head to look at him. Her hands spanning the length of his shoulders once more before she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hmm, what's that?" Danny's voice came out in chocked whisper, he tightened his hold on her hips. He suddenly felt dizzy, and intoxicated, but he knew she was more responsible for his current state than the amount of liquor he'd consumed.

"We should stay up here," Lacey responded gently, moving her body forward, closing what little space remained between them.

Danny's breath hitched in the back of his throat as their mouths were mere centimeters. His eyes fluttered to her mouth and he bit the inside of his cheek to hold back the audible noise forming somewhere in his larynx. It had been months since he'd tasted those lips, what was impending was torturous and made his insides feel like jello. He brought both of his hands up to cradle her face.

Lacey kissed him softly, brought her mouth over his with an ease and gentle caress, just letting her lips linger there. Her hands shifted, focusing now on the nap of his neck as she purposely angled her body deeper into his. She heard the sound that emanated from his throat at her movement, his lips opening slightly to match her slow, meticulous pace. Lacey's lips became more emboldened as their noses brushed and the kiss deepened. She felt his thumb on her chin, as he used it to further open her mouth. Lacey sighed into his mouth as she felt his tongue against her own. The pace of their kisses became heightened as both suddenly felt almost hasty and desperate for the other. Just as Lacey felt her knees almost begin to buckle Danny quickly pulled away. Attempting to back up and implement as much space as he could between the two of them. The foot of his bed hit the back of his knees.

"We can't," He gasped, trying to regulate his breath and not look at her at the same time. That was a worthless endeavor on both counts.

"Yes we can," Lacey assured him, as she stepped towards him again. He tried to side step her but she cut him off. She looked deeply in his eyes.

"You're drunk," Danny reasoned weakly, momentarily relieved she at least wasn't touching him.

"I'm not drunk," Lacey retorted with great sincerity. She watched him carefully. The way his eyes darted, the way he was taking extremely deep breaths, the way he didn't seem to know what to do with his hands, the way her lipstick was smeared on his mouth. She ached with how badly she wanted him. "I've been drinking, but I am not drunk."

"You are..." Danny trailed off, as if he lost his words somewhere between seeing the particular glint in her eyes and when her hand reached out and brushed his crotch. His breath came out in a hurried huff.

"I am not," Lacey maintained with a straight face. Her fingers outlined the indent in the front of his pants, he stifled a groan in the back of his throat. Her eyes never left his as her hand continued its maneuvers.

"Lacey," Danny all but whimpered, stilling her hand with his own as he grasped her wrist. He rocked into her hand just barely. She felt herself involuntarily clench her thighs as she felt a jolt between her legs. "What are you doing?"

"If you don't know what I'm doing," Lacey said thoughtfully, moving closer to him, her hand flattened and added pressure against his growing erection. "I'm not doing a very good job."

"Shit. The last time this happened," Danny's words came out in rasps covered in mutters. "You didn't talk to me for two days."

"I won't do that this time," Lacey exclaimed, the air of promise lacing her vocal chords. Almost like she was taking some secret pledge. "I won't."

"That's what you say now," Danny breathed heavily, finally moving his pelvis and hips so her hand was no longer touching him. "But then it'll be tomorrow and you'll regret it and you'll hate me."

"I won't," Lacey repeated, her frustration was noticeable. She could feel how wet she was; she longed for him to put his hand there.

"We can't keep doing this," Danny surmised with such a distinct bit of regret in his voice. "You can't give me parts of yourself and then take them back. It hurts too much."

Lacey stood silently as his words hit her right in the chest. She knew he was right, but that didn't temper how badly she wanted him in that moment. If she was being truthful, she knew that there were other moments, more quieter and discreet than the one that they currently found themselves in now, where she wanted him just as much. She just had a better hold on her self control and had consumed less alcohol. She felt profound sadness seep into her being and she wanted to scream. Wanted to unravel at the hinges because of the sheer enormity of feelings she held for this guy who she wouldn't let herself consistently be with. She felt her eyes mist up a bit.

"Shhh," Danny said instantly as he saw her face and eyes take on a noticeable sadness. He thoughtlessly reached a hand out to her and caressed her neck, and brought his lips to her forehead. She grasped the shirt material on his arms. "It won't be different will it? It won't change anything."

"No, but it will feel really good," Lacey muttered, pulling back slightly just to catch his eyes. What he saw in her expression floored him, and he felt his resistance weakening. He inadvertently brought his thumb over her mouth, removing what little lipstick remained. His brain hadn't even registered the action until he saw her lips underneath his finger.

"Lacey..." Danny breathed as his eyes took turns shifting from hers to her mouth. He suddenly realized it was like falling into a void without any reasonable means to halt the descent. He realized it was like gravity.

"Do you want me to beg?" Lacey wondered aloud, her voice small and slight. Danny felt his crotch jolt and his erection hardened to an almost painful degree at the mere mention of her begging. Danny squeezed his eyes tightly and shook his head. His will and resolve dwindled like the last bit of sand in an hourglass. The next thing out of her mouth solidified it. "I need you."

Danny's mouth was on hers in an instant. With a hunger and a passion that was unparalleled. Lacey wobbled slightly on her heels from the impact, and he wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her and grasp her to his frame. His lips captured and tasted her with a keen awareness, his mouth asking questions and hers answering them nonverbally. Lacey felt herself tremble just from the way he was kissing her, she felt as if her body was producing too much desire and anticipation for the current moment, and for what was to follow it, that she shook. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head swiftly. Their mouths barely disconnecting to let it pass.

Lacey wrapped her arms around his neck and reveled in the whole and complete feeling of his body pressed so impeccably with hers. She stepped out of her shoes as her thigh pressed further into his groin and he groaned into her mouth. His hands traveled everywhere on her body before settling on her ass, and then spanning to her thighs, her dress rode up at the movement. He tore his lips from hers and trailed kisses over her chin and down her neck. Lacey tried in vain to regulate her breathing, as the way he was using his mouth made her knees waver. They staggered back and fell on his bed in a mess of limbs and ardent need.

Lacey landed on top of Danny and she straddled him, her crotch melding against his erection through their clothes. Danny let out a strained grunt as his hand slid up her back and tangled in the hair at the nape of her neck. She gasped, taking her hands off of him briefly and sitting up to aide her dress in riding up further. Danny reached down and palmed her center, through the piece of her underwear that was now afforded to his gaze. Lacey moaned as her hips involuntarily jumped.

"You're so fucking breathtaking," Danny exhaled, his voice low and rough, he reached for her dress. "You have to take this off, I have to see you."

Lacey slid the remainder of her dress that she was still in, over her head in one quick sweeping motion and threw it on the floor. Danny took in the sight of her in a black bra and pink underwear and he felt like the earth actually shifted. It had been so long since he'd seen her, tasted her, touched her. He suddenly realized they had to slow down, that it would be over before he could truly ingrain it in his memory. They were both so on fire for the other, that it'd be over before it began. That was the last thing he wanted. Danny flipped her so that he was now on top.

"We should slow down," Danny gruffly said as he began a whole new assault on her neck and shoulders, his hands coming in contact with her bra-covered breasts. Using his tongue, lips and teeth interchangeably. She writhed beneath him as her hands ran down his sides and to the front of his pants. She unzipped his fly and palmed his erection.

"Now," Lacey muttered, her breath was raggedy as she reveled in the work he was doing on her neck. She was sure she'd have to hide hickeys in the morning. She was so aroused she felt like she was gonna pass out. She pushed his pants further down his hips. "I need it now."

Danny reached over in his nightstand to grab a condom as Lacey trailed kisses up his neck and pulled his hair tie out. Lacey lifted her hips to discard of her underwear, as he slid the condom carefully on. Danny glanced at her, her hair was wild and unruly, her eyes bright and lust filled. He felt certain that he'd never see a sight more exquisite ever again in his life. His lips found hers and he kissed her slowly, void of haste or quickness, even though his dick was throbbing in his hand. His other hand reached down between her legs and touched her slick wetness, spreading it up and around her sensitive nub of nerve endings. First languidly, and then more rapidly. Lacey whimpered and groaned as she bit down on his bottom lip. Danny positioned himself at her entrance, barely entering her.

"Don't tease me," Lacey muttered through shortened breathes as she squeezed her eyes shut, she felt like she was dying from anticipation.

"Look at me," Danny instructed, trying not to clench his teeth.

She did as he said, and once their eyes locked, he pushed into her further. Her mouth dropped as her tongue came out to lick her bottom lip, she tried desperately to keep her eyes on his as she stifled a groan. Once he had entered her fully, he didn't move just clenched his jaw and tried to ignore the pulsating, agonizing urge to thrust. Her walls clenched him tightly as she felt the need to move her hips reach nonsensical levels. She couldn't take it anymore, she felt like she was dissolving in that moment. As much as she wanted to keep looking at him, she physically couldn't. It was too overwhelming, too enveloping. Almost like she was drowning; she couldn't breathe.

As if he sensed her plight, he dropped his head into the crook of her neck and started moving his hips slowly. She felt like both velvet and a vice around him. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself with excessive hope to last as long as possible. His breaths turned into pants as his thrusts quickened.

"Oh my God," Lacey moaned, her entire body arching up against him and and her head falling back. "It's so good. It's so good."

Danny's ears started ringing and his hands trembled as he tried so desperately not to climax. He managed to hold off for awhile.

40 minutes later they lay in a heap of spent, tired muscles. Their bodies tangled so closely together, even though any physical contact almost hurt. They didn't care though because they had to still touch. Lacey's last orgasm, of three total, still rang in parts of her body as she periodically shivered and jerked against him. Danny felt like he couldn't even move and for the first time in an hour, realized that there was still a party going on downstairs. He sighed and inhaled, casting a look at Lacey. She looked deep in concentration as she traced the back of his hand that was resting on her bare hip. All of a sudden the music turned down and there was a specific rustling of voices that came from the first floor. Lacey met his eyes in a discombobulated daze and Danny for a second didn't realize what was going on. Until he heard a bunch of cheers, and looked over at his bedside alarm clock. It was midnight.

"Happy New Year," Danny muttered, his voice tired and faint. He angled his face to plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

"Happy New Year," Lacey replied sadly, her lips catching his once more.


	7. We Don't Have Time

Danny felt a recognizable degree of discomfort as he walked towards the diner. It had been plaguing him for most of the day, since that morning when he had seen Lacey and then she had virtually disappeared. She hadn't even gone to school later on, which was tremendously unlike her. He had spent his entire fifth period class randomly fixated on her empty seat. He had tried to text her a couple of times but received no response, he would have been worried if not for that brief moment they had shared before she had gone to her car. Her avoiding him after something relatively poignant happened between them was almost regular form, though he hated to admit, but it had never gotten to the point where she failed to go to class.

After not hearing anything from her, he had asked the group at lunch where she was, Sarita's expression had a noticeable tinge of knowing to it, but she made some passing remark about Lacey not feeling well and hastily attributed that to her absence. Danny didn't buy it of course, but refrained from questioning Sarita further as he saw the curious looks on both the faces of Jo and Cole. He had realized in that moment, that he didn't want to get into that particular conversation. The one where Lacey was the primary topic, at a table full of people, whom half of which had great allegiances to her. This fact of course, he was preeminently grateful for, but knew they might emphasize more with her plight than his.

He opened the front door to enter Johnny Cake's, in hopes that Jo would shine some type of light on the situation. She was always very vocal about her own opinions and stance on the issue of her two best friends and their relationship, she would undoubtedly speak freely. He spotted her right away, her blonde hair covered by a grey beanie. He approached the booth easily and slid into the side opposite her.

"Desai," Jo said evenly, dropping her pen after finishing whatever it was she was writing.

"Masterson," Danny countered, leaning back into the booth and rolling his tired shoulders.

"Are you feeling okay?" Jo wondered aloud as she studied him. Something about him was off. She couldn't put her finger on it, but one look at him coupled with what she had in her possession to give him, pretty much gave way to what the catalyst was.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Danny brushed off her inference quickly, running a hand over his face. "What's up with you? How are you?"

"Hmmm," Jo said thoughtfully as she continued to study him, it hurt her that he was in this perpetual state of discontentment. It had been like that with him for some time now, well really in truth, with both he and Lacey for some time now, but clearly things were getting worse and more sorted, not better. "Don't change the subject. We're gonna talk about you."

"It's not a big deal," Danny sighed, as he started tapping his foot. Jo could see the unsettled energy tumbling off of him and she hated that this was his reality. "I just haven't been sleeping well."

Jo assessed him silently. The obvious signs of lack of sleep where plaguing his features. She sighed as she leaned back in the booth and attempted to decide what she was going to say. She had more than one opinion on the matter, and wondered if he would be graciously receptive to what she said or if he would try to change the subject. It usually depended on what type of mood he was in, and with lack of sleep combing over his body, he'd probably not be too keen on her advice. But she wasn't ever really one to hold her tongue, so she'd probably end up giving it to him anyways.

"I have something for you," Jo remarked gently, reaching her hand down towards the part of the booth she wasn't occupying, out she pulled his jacket. She held it out to him as she watched his expression flicker and his eyes change.

"I gave this to Lacey earlier today at sunrise," Danny muttered, taking the jacket from Jo, looking at it for longer than necessary, as if it had the answers to questions that he desperately needed clarity on.

"Yeah, that's what she said," Jo responded knowingly as she watched him.

"She wasn't at school," Danny replied, his earlier discomfort deciding to disperse further throughout his being. "When did she give this to you?"

"Before I came here," Jo explained. "She wanted me to give it to you."

"She could have given it to me whenever," Danny said almost miserably, raking his hand over his face as he casted the jacket down onto his side of the booth. "Hell, she could have kept it."

"That's a very emphatic reaction to getting your jacket back," Jo observed as she breathed.

"What is she even doing?" Danny exclaimed as he tried to keep his mind from spinning scenarios. "Does she have a message for me too? Are you going to start being the go-between with us?"

"Like hell I am!" Jo objected sincerely, it was hard enough being so close to the two of them and loving them despite the turmoil that existed there.

"Why did she just leave like that this morning?" Danny wondered aloud. "She said she was going to the car to get her phone and then just like that... she was gone."

"She just said she didn't feel good," Jo offered, her voice rang with something that resembled doubt.

"You sound like you don't believe that," Danny countered as he took a deep breath and tried to calm his uncertain and negative feelings.

"I just think there's a real reason," Jo remarked with contemplation. "There's always a reason."

"Well I wish I knew what it was," Danny mumbled tiredly.

"What would you do if you did?" Jo posed thoughtfully.

"I don't know," Danny sighed with a distinct tone of dejection in his voice. "I don't know anymore."

"This morning before the sun came up, who were you talking to before you came over to ask me if I'd seen Lacey?" Jo asked, already knowing fully well the answer to her question. She saw his face and eyes take on a pensive glare.

"You think that's why she just left like that?" Danny questioned hurriedly. "Without a word to anyone? I was worried something happened. I don't think it was that. I already told her nothing was going on between Amelia and I."

"That might have been what you said but..." Jo trailed off, her eyes leaving his momentarily as she could tell his irritation coupled with his lack of sleep was making him agitated.

"You don't think she believed me?" Danny surmised, after observing the way Jo cut of her sentence before it's completion.

"All I know is you haven't given a girl more than 15 minutes of your time in two years that wasn't me, Sarita or Phoebe." Jo explained carefully. "And that fact is definitely not lost on Lacey. All of a sudden this new girl's at school and she caught your attention."

"Okay, no..." Danny rebuked steadfastly. "She doesn't have my attention. At least not like that. She's new and we have a class together. She's a nice girl. You'd like her."

Jo gave Danny a look that signified he could have kept the last bit of that proclamation to himself. She wasn't interested in having to expand their group of friends anymore than it already was. Especially to some girl who probably had some hidden ulterior motive were Danny was concerned. But she quietly reserved verbal judgement, though the look on her face expressly stated her unenthusiastic position on the matter.

"You don't feel strangely, secretly happy that Lacey's a bit jealous?" Jo asked pointedly, propping her chin up on her hand as she thought about the nooks and crannies of that relationship between the two of them, and then by extension how it affected the relationship between the three of them. It had ebbed and flowed in moments, but it was always largely notably when Danny or Lacey couldn't engage fully in the bond that the three of them shared, because of the feelings and boundaries of their own failed but still impending coupledom.

"No," Danny replied matter-a-factly. "Because even if she is jealous, thats not going to change her mind about us. That's not going to change her mind about leaving."

"How do you know that though?" Jo further prodded. "She's never even had to experience jealousy where you're concerned. You've been zeroed in on her since the moment you got out of juvie."

"That's not going to change anything, Jo," Danny added convincingly. "Besides keep her from talking to me for days at a time, clearly. But I guess it's not that big of a difference from when we get in a fight and she tries to put distance between her and I. Or when we..."

Danny suddenly lost both his words and his train of thought. He was visited by memories of the two times where they had let their physical need for the other, cloud the decision that was already set firmly in place. The decision that was labeled "friends not lovers", just friends, only friends. Not fully friends. In that tenuous space of not really but I can't help it. Disasters made their mark in that expanse. Emotion swam laps in those waters.

"When shit happened," Jo said plainly. Finishing his sentence with nonchalance for him. Noting the way his disposition notably shifted. "I think that..."

"What?" Danny asked, now tapping his fingers against the table.

"Never mind," Jo attempted to amend the beginnings of her prior remark.

"No, just say it," Danny sighed deeply, his eyes were heavy and his body heavier.

"It's the fact that you don't open up to her," Jo explained lightly. "You don't open up to anyone but that's considered more acceptable. With her its a different story."

"There are things she doesn't need to know," Danny mumbled. "Things I don't want to talk about with anybody, least of all her."

"You don't think she knows that?" Jo questioned directly. "You don't think she knows you try to protect her from your truth? When she's the one who deserves it more than anyone, when she's the one who needs it more than anyone?"

"It's not that simple," Danny let out, his eyebrows knitted together as Jo's words resonated in the deepest part of his chest. "Why would I hurt her that way?

"You wouldn't hurt her though," Jo tried to explain. "You would be trusting her. You would be showing her that you trust her with the gory, painful details."

"I just can't," Danny maintained, rubbing his hand over his weary expression. "There are things I can't tell her or you or anybody. You understand that. You don't try to pry it out of me."

"I'm also not in love with you." Jo said briskly, casting an acute look in his direction.

Danny sucked in all the air around his mouth but stayed silent at Jo's words. If it was possible, his heart suddenly carried the fatigue that was localized in his eyes and body. It sank and sank under the weight of her statement.

"Just think about it from her perspective," Jo offered carefully. "Everything that she's ever been through, you know about. Even if she didn't open up to you about it right away, or even if you weren't there when it happened, you know about it. You know how they've shaped her into who she is. She can't say the same about you. You don't allow her to know the why. She just knows that you get angry, that you have a temper, that you hate your father, that you have impulse control problems and you want to be with her. She doesn't know why. All she can do is assume."

Danny breathed as he listened to Jo's words, each one making a bigger indent then the one that came before it. He knew she was speaking at least a little bit of truth, even if he didn't want to admit it. Even if he knew that what she was suggesting would be almost impossible for him to manage. It still didn't prevent it from ringing true and having elements of accuracy attached to it.

"I only know a fraction of how you feel about your dad," Jo went on as she assessed his demeanor and the tight line that he held his mouth in, as he listened to her speak. "Because I felt some of that with my mom when everything came out."

"My father is much worse than your mom, Jo." Danny muttered.

"I just worry about you," Jo admitted after taking a pause. "I worry about the both of you. And what this is gonna be like in a few months, if what it's like now is any indication. She's going to be so far away and you're gonna be here."

"It'll be fine," Danny said stoically. He wanted to change the conversation so badly, he could feel his head start to hurt. "Plus, you won't be far away. Columbia's right around the corner."

"Not that close," Jo responded, but offered him a small smile. "But close enough. At least I can check on you and make sure you're behaving yourself."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Danny sighed ruefully, returning the light and fleeting smile himself. Hoping she was done with this particular topic. Fortunately, she sensed that he'd listened to enough on the subject as she stayed silent for awhile, both reflecting on her words.

* * *

It's difficult to digest the moving and ever changing aspects of what make up the dynamic and interpersonal relationship between two people. Danny was coming to grips with that as he sat on his bed, staring at his phone. He glanced over at his jacket, the one that he had placed over her shoulders so much earlier in the day, the sight of it made him unsettled and restless. He glanced back at his phone and realized that he had been in this very spot more times then he could count or would care to admit. He had been just like this, wondering if he should call her again or maybe text her, at least a dozen times and it was exhausting and tiresome each time he found himself there. It was like the strangest, most wretched form of deja vu and he felt his fatigue start to transfer into sadness and he tried to reign it in. His fingers gently flicked over his phone as he called her, hoping against hope that she'd actually answer. When he heard her voice on the other end, it shocked him so deeply that his breath hitched in surprise.

"Hi," Lacey offered, her breath even.

"You answered," Danny said almost dumbly. He was more than a bit surprised she had.

"Yeah," Lacey said plainly, attempting to reason herself out of an attitude or being short with him. She knew he didn't deserve it. She knew that the way she was feeling was her problem, and her problem alone. She resented herself for taking it out on him, but in truth she was taking it out on herself in equal amounts. She had been for the past two years.

"Lacey, I can't do this anymore," Danny explained softly, after the shock of her answering wore off and the reason he had called resurfaced in his mind.

Lacey was silent on the other end as his words hit her like a bus. Her heart sunk and she experienced a great sense of apprehension regarding what he was going to say next. He had phrased his words in such an odd manner, that it almost sounded like he was about to break up with her. But that was impossible, because they weren't together. How could he break up with her if they weren't together? Lacey tried to better compartmentalize that thought as the silence hung over the phone, and she waited for him to continue. She reasoned with herself that if it wasn't him breaking up with her, which for technicality purposes was futile, maybe he was going to end their friendship? That seemed even more preposterous and unthinkable. She took a deep breath and broke the silence.

"What does that mean?" Lacey questioned, holding the phone too close to her ear.

"We don't have time..." Danny trailed off again, his words were escaping him. The sound of her voice was lulling and distracting him. "You have to stop shutting me out. When something happens, when nothing happens. I just... you have to stop."

"I know," Lacey breathed, suddenly feeling her emotions on an upward ascent as her throat tightened.

"I miss you enough already as it is," Danny explained loosely. "I shouldn't have to miss you more than I already do. Not yet."

Lacey fought against the tightening of her chest as a wave of emotion flowed over her body. She felt her eyes stinging as the familiar blurring occurred that she'd experienced earlier in the day. She hated that she was being reduced to such outward displays of unrest. She silently thanked whatever lucky stars were still on her side, that she wasn't in front of him for this conversation.

"Lace," Danny's voice gently cut through her internal dialogue and outward physical unraveling.

"You're right," Lacey managed, trying to regulate her voice enough to manage speaking without her current emotional state being detected.

"Are you crying?" Danny inferred almost immediately. Her voice suddenly sounded odd and as if it held a specific hinderance.

"No," Lacey quickly mumbled angrily, as if her voice had betrayed her. She moved her mouth away from the phone to take a deep breath.

"Lacey," Danny said with keen seriousness.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Lacey maintained as she cleared her throat. "And you're right. We don't have time."

"You wanna tell me why you left this morning, and then didn't go to school, and then gave Jo my jacket as if you couldn't just give it to me when you see me tomorrow?"

"I didn't feel well." Lacey began, sticking with her story out of habit.

"Lacey, the truth." Danny pleaded.

"I just needed a day," Lacey explained, trying to further regulate her breathing as the tears had stopped falling down her face. Yet she was still a confine of emotion. "I just needed one day to just not be anywhere."

"Did I do something?" Danny questioned. "Earlier this morning?"

"No, you were..." Lacey trailed off. "No, you didn't do anything."

Danny wanted to push the subject. Wanted her to admit something, reveal something, say something that would assuage him, but he knew that she probably wouldn't. He knew that she would keep herself within the confines and barriers that she had laid out.

"You wanna study tomorrow?" Lacey asked hopefully, trying to both change the subject and lighten the conversation.

"I can't," Danny explained slowly. "I have this thing I have to do."

His lack of further explanation of what that meant set her heart off. She instantly, though completely irrationally, wondered if he had plans with Amelia. She realized she couldn't go down that road of unmitigated jealousy again and tried to dial her reaction down.

"Okay, well I'll see you at school tomorrow." Lacey offered, ready to end the conversation and her internal struggle for the day.

"Yeah, okay." Danny responded. Relative silence hung on the line for a few moments as both of them heard the sound of the other breathing and subconsciously didn't want to be the one to disrupt the occurrence.

"Bye Danny," Lacey finally offered gently after the quiet, mixed with his breathing, started to consume her.

"Bye."


	8. Every Positive Word That Exists

**A/N: I want to just thank you all so much for continuing to read and review this story. I know it's difficult and painful to get through and you often feel like you want to strangle Danny or Lacey, or the both of them, but just know that your input and feedback is so treasured and appreciated. Angst isn't an easy genre to stomach for some, so I want to tell you have grateful and happy I am that so many of you have stuck around and continue to read this despite how heart breaking it has been thus far. **

* * *

Danny fidgeted absentmindedly in his chair. He couldn't quite quell the nervousness and unease he felt as he sat there. In truth, he couldn't actually come to grips with the fact that he was there in the first place. Not only was the location of where he was plaguing him with immense doubt and a precarious skepticism, it was also making him second guess his decision. Was this step something that would have an irrevocable outcome? Was that something that he really and truly wanted? Was that something he could handle? He wasn't sure where the answers to those questions resided. In the deepest corners of his mind, he knew that this wasn't something he wanted. But he also knew that he was running out of options. Maybe gaining some clarity would serve him well, even if the process itself and the end result brought him a different, more specific type of heartache. But something had to give, and it was only getting worse.

The part of him that doubted this effort came from experience. He'd tried this before, he had been down this road. It was never what he thought it would be, and it never helped him deal with or shed light on the perpetual issues that he faced in his life as a result of his past. Part of the problem was that he naturally didn't trust people. He always was doubtful of their intensions and their motives. He was always wondering what was it that they wanted to get out of him or figure out about him. How would they then use it to either slap some label on him or use it against him. When he allowed his thoughts to get expansive enough, he sometimes linked that innate fear to his own need to handle and manipulate others, to keep his guard up and easily take the pressure and focus off himself and his actions, and to see what others would do and under what circumstances. Sometimes his manipulations were completely selfish in nature, to get something he wanted, or to get out of something he didn't. But sometimes it was purely a defensive mechanism, a strategy to shift the focus off of him, to something else entirely, sometimes even to whomever he was engaging with. Self reflection always had a way of tripping people up or distracting them from their original intent.

Danny pulled on his sleeve as his eyes flitted around the room nervously. He was trying with great concentration to avail himself of the careening trepidation that was plaguing his body and mind almost simultaneously. He made several attempts to just still everything, but it only worked for maybe 30 seconds, until he was back to tapping his foot, repositioning himself in his chair and subconsciously cracking his knuckles. He knew with emending awareness, that he didn't want to talk about anything that would be brought up, even the specific topic that he had gone for, he didn't really want to get into. He continuously readied himself for the internal battle that he was going to face. Just when he was going to get up and walk around the room, the door swung open and in walked Dr. Cynthia Wright. Danny stilled briefly as she looked at him with a bright and warm expression before closing the door and approaching her desk, placing a stack of files on it before sitting.

"Danny Desai," Dr. Wright said in a clear and welcoming voice. "It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah," Danny mumbled half heartedly as he observed the doctor briefly, feeling both more nervous but put a bit at ease. That contradiction worried him. But this doctor seemed much different than the previous psychiatrists Danny had seen. Even in those first couple moments of her being in front of him, he could ascertain that. It would take a bit more time for him to pinpoint exactly why.

"I wanna let you know that while I've looked through most of your files, I haven't quite gotten to all of them yet," Dr. Wright explained as she clasped her hands together and laid them neatly on her desk.

"There's no need," Danny countered with equal parts haste and assurance. "I'm not here to talk about any of the things in those files."

"Well, why don't you tell me why you are here?" Dr. Wright offered after a pause, assessing the young man in front of her. She swiftly picked up a pen from her desk and waited for Danny to answer her.

His mouth fell open but nothing came out. No sound, no acknowledgement, no truth. Danny swallowed and tried again but faltered once more. He softly tapped his knuckles against the side of the chair, in an attempt to not crack them. His mind was urging his body to just say what he needed to and be done with it, but his lips and cognition weren't responding properly. Dr. Wright let the silence take him wherever it was he needed to go, as she waited patiently for him to answer.

"I... um," Danny managed, as his eyes fell to his lap briefly then followed a nonsensical pattern around the room, as he tried to focus on anything else but that question and his answer, and the way his chest was tightening and how his leg was gently bouncing. "I..."

"Take your time," Dr. Wright offered softly. The look on her face was neutral and non-expectant.

"I'm here because... because I need help getting over something," Danny finally managed, his vocal chords thick with distress. "I need help letting go."

"You need help getting over something that happened to you?" Dr. Wright attempted to clarify.

"No," Danny muttered as he took a deep breath, and ran his hand over his face. He realized he was clenching his jaw, every time his mouth closed. "Of someone, not something. I need help letting someone go."

Dr. Wright's eyes studied him rather deliberately and slowly before she wrote something quickly on the notepad in front of her. Her eyes flitted up to the obviously nervous and rattled person in front of her, and she recalled reading a note from one of his previous psychiatrists that made a comment about his aloof, nonchalant nature. She couldn't see any of that in the young man that sat there now.

"Before I ask you more about that person and what that means," Dr. Wright began evenly. "What are your motivations for this? How is it affecting you?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," Danny said, taking another deep breath, beating himself up for the fact that he couldn't just sit in his current situation without feeling like he wanted to crawl out of his skin.

He'd been to see four different psychiatrists since he got out of juvie, none by his own choice, and he had despised every single one of them. He hadn't cared one way or another what they said or their opinions. Him choosing to visit one out of his own free will, now that he was 18, seemed ridiculous and foreign to him. He instantly regretted it. Him attempting to verbally discuss his reasoning had sent his already compounding doubt to disastrous levels.

"You seem agitated," Dr. Wright observed calmly. "And as if perhaps, you aren't getting much sleep? Would that be correct?"

"Yeah... uh, I guess." Danny answered. "But that's not really the point."

"So whom is this person you need to let go of?" Dr. Wright questioned directly, making a quick note of his last comment.

"My... um, my ex-girlfriend." Danny responded, he stilled his hands as much as possible as he rested them over the arms of the chair he sat in.

"When did the two of you break up?" The doctor asserted.

"Technically, two years ago." Danny breathed, as he leaned back in his chair, he couldn't seem to stop fidgeting.

"Technicalities." Dr. Wright bemused aloud. That was the first thing she had said to him that wasn't formed in a question. She said it as a statement, as an easy declaration, and not as an assumption but something akin to an empathetic understanding. "What's the nature of your relationship now?"

"We're...uh friends, I guess," Danny sighed, he almost rolled his eyes at his own use of that word. "I don't know what we are, it's complicated."

"Most things are," Dr. Wright offered sincerely, she offered him a softened expression, hoping it would help further comfort him. "Has the friendship run its course? Or is it just unmanageable now?"

"Neither," Danny responded after pondering her words. "I don't think our friendship will ever run it's course. We grew up together. I don't really remember life before her."

"Does the friendship still serve you?" Dr. Wright asked.

"I'm sorry?" Danny didn't really understand the question, or maybe it was the wording of it that left him confused and wondering what she was getting at.

"Does it serve you?" She repeated gently, yet purposefully. "Is it still enriching? Is it still meaningful? Does it still positively affect you? Is it healthy? Or do the technicalities make figuring that out untenable?"

Danny let her words ricochet off the walls and simmer in his ears. This lady was clearly going to ask him questions that were meant to make him examine his relationship with Lacey and how it affected him both negatively and positively. He couldn't really quite place if these questions were intrinsically relevant or if she was just trying to get a sense of how enmeshed with one another they were. Which would in turn tell her how to approach and help solve his problem. This all made sense to him in the grand scheme of things, but sitting there being questioned about Lacey in that way made him jittery and uneasy. He didn't like the way that it felt, but maybe this was his only real option. He was running out of time and all other alternatives seemed to make the situation more convoluted.

"I can't imagine my life without her," Danny finally said with finite precision. The conviction in his deliver was intransigent.

"And yet your goal is to let her go?" Dr. Wright gathered. "Are you attempting to reconcile the feelings you may have for her that don't exist inside a platonic realm?"

"That's pretty much impossible." Danny attested, sighing deeply as he ran his hand over the length of his jaw. "My feelings for her won't change. I guess I need help dealing with them better."

"Was there a specific event that brought this on?" The psychiatrist questioned, steadily jotting down notes on her pad as she attentively listened to him. His eyes briefly went to the notepad, but it was much too far away for him to see what it was she was writing.

"She's leaving," Danny mumbled, those two words almost sliced his throat and tongue as he offered them up to the doctor. "For college, and I need to, uh... I need to figure out how to...to deal with that."

"Have you been dealing with it in a negative manner thus far?" She asked him pointedly. "Or not at all?"

"I don't know," Danny muttered, almost more to himself than to her.

"Have you been acting out as a result of her impending physical removal from your life?" Dr. Wright questioned directly. "Doing things that would purposely put you or other people in danger? Whether physical, emotional, mental or otherwise?"

"I don't know," Danny said again, more forcefully this time. He suddenly felt his agitation turn to anger and it was both concerning and comforting. Almost like a blanket that he was used to and satisfied wrapping himself in. That realization alone was a jarring one.

"One of your files mentioned that you have issues with your temper and anger management..."

"I told you already, I don't want to talk about anything that is in those files!" Danny's voice came out in a booming shout, the sound almost surprised him.

His eyes took in her reaction at the complete shift of the energy in the room, as his body stiffened to absolute stillness for the first time since he sat down. He watched her watching him, as she seemed unperturbed by his verbal outburst. She remained quiet, her hand holding the pen gracefully a centimeter above the paper. His eyes left hers as he looked around the room hastily, trying to regulate his anger and the intense emotional churning that was happening in his body. He felt this strange inclination to apologize but didn't open his mouth to do so. That was something strange for him. The need to apologize when inconsequential people met his wrath had never really been his experience. But in that moment he felt genuinely sorry for raising his voice at her.

"I understand your reluctance to deal with painful parts of your past," Dr. Wright began after letting the silence sit between them for a few moments. "But it's important for you to realize that this isn't happening in a vacuum. The way you're reacting to her leaving is indirectly or directly connected to things that have happened to you in your 18 years on this earth. Everything is connected to everything else."

Danny listened to her words as he worked on taking deep breaths, he ran both hands over his face and leaned further back in his chair. He thought about what she was saying and what it could potentially mean. He shuddered to think that she was actually right. That he would actually have to talk about things in his past that he tried desperately to bury deep down. Things that he tried to seal away and not speak of or think about. He didn't want to talk about juvie. Or what happened there. He didn't want to talk about his aunt and killing her. He didn't want to talk about his dad and how much he hated him. He didn't want to talk about the newfound almost incessant perpetual need to protect and nurture his mother. He didn't want to talk about his insecurities and his lack of trust. He didn't want to talk about his anger.

He wanted to talk about Lacey and how he was going to survive her leaving him to go to California without emotionally evaporating and physically diminishing. He wanted this doctor to tell him how he was going to exist without her. Because in that moment, and in every other moment before it, it just didn't seem plausible. It didn't seem achievable.

"Why don't you tell me about her?" Dr. Wright suggested, changing the focus from him to the girl he was referring to. It was an intentional tactic. Having him talk about the girl whom this entire thing was about, would help her gather necessary information about him, her and their relationship.

"Tell you about her?" Danny repeated a bit confused.

"Yes," The doctor affirmed. "Describe her. What is she like?"

"Uh... I don't really know if I could describe her to you," Danny muttered softly. An image of Lacey's face appeared in his mind, as he realized he lacked the eloquent knack for explaining anything and everything she was as a person.

"Just give it a shot," Dr. Wright requested, pressing him to comply with what she was asking.

"Every positive word that exists could be used to describe her." Danny spoke after silence filled the room up to the brim. His voice almost trembled. "She's every good thing."

Dr. Wright watched the young man offer those words easily, as if they were the unequivocal truth, but with great misery as if it pained him to utter them. As if the words themselves set him up further only to knock him down again. She offered him a kind, reassuring smile as she jotted down more notes on the pad in front of her.

"Have either of you dated other people since the break up two years ago?" The psychiatrist questioned after a moment.

"Uh, she has. I haven't." Danny stated matter-of-factly.

That subject being brought up instantly made his memory shift and his stomach drop. He griped the arm rest of the chair he was I, as he remembered beating the shit out of the last guy she had been seeing. He even admitted to himself in that moment that he had acted disproportionately to what he had seen. But it was something about that guy's tone and the words he used that had set him off. Lacey had to literally pull him off of the guy. Her screaming and physically tugging him was the only thing that snapped him out of his unbending rage. Danny came away with a sprained finger and bloody, bruised hands. The guy that Lacey had been seeing suffered far, far worse. Danny had been suspended from school because of the incident, it was a wonder he hadn't been expelled.

His thoughts then shifted to Lacey recently mentioning that she was seeing someone. His stomach turned as he thought about this person that he didn't know spending time with her. He wasn't even willing to go into the depths of his mind to uncover what the word dating actually meant and what it entailed. He felt sure that he would drive himself insane with those thoughts. His brain probably couldn't even properly cope with the suggestion of it. He felt his shoulders tightening and his hands stiffening at the mere thought of it. It was best if he didn't think or focus on that possibility for too long. His mind and body was already threatening to implode. He didn't need to think about anything else that had the potential to incapacitate him, and that definitely did.

"Are you in love with her?" Dr. Wright questioned, breaking him out of his whirlwind of thoughts and simultaneously emotionally punching him in the gut. He realized he was holding his breath as she asked that question. His breathing came out in a hurried whoosh and he felt his stomach tie in an additional several knots. He stayed silent as he watched the doctor waiting calmly for his response. He contemplated how he was going to answer her question or even if he could. The reality of all the things that encompassed was otherworldly and inexplicable.

"Do you have other patients who are in high school?" Danny asked her after a moment, his eyebrows furrowing as he leaned forward a bit.

"I do, yes." Dr. Wright countered, she made a quick note about him changing the subject, not answering the question, and instead asking something of her. A tactic she wasn't unaccustomed to.

"Do you ask them if they're in love?" Danny pressed.

"I ask all my patients whatever I feel is pertinent to their specific circumstance and situation." She responded generously.

"So you aren't one of those adults who thinks teenagers don't know anything about being in love?" Danny posed loosely.

"I think that all people have the ability to experience and know what being in love is, regardless of their age," The doctor explained evenly, she wrote quickly and fluidly as she spoke. "Younger people tend to have a purer, more unadulterated view of love and what being in it actually means. That doesn't negate the feeling."

Danny didn't respond, nor did he answer her original question. But it seemed that Dr. Wright didn't expect or need him to in that moment. She had surmised enough just from the questions that he had chosen to ask her. She gathered enough information in those moments to move on.

"Does she know how you feel about her?" Dr. Wright asked evenly.

"Yes." Danny answered plainly, leaning back in his chair and clasping his hands in his lap.

"How does she feel about you?" Dr. Wright asserted.

"You'd have to ask her that." Danny quipped back.

"You know that's not possible." The doctor replied, making another quick note.

"She feels the same way about me, mostly." Danny relented.

"Do you think that if you went to her about your feelings in a different manner, she'd change her mind about leaving?" Dr. Wright posed.

"No, I don't." Danny said simply, with a specific effusive sadness.

"Can you elaborate on why?" Dr. Wright asked.

"She's going to college in California. She made that choice. That's what she wants. There are colleges on the east coast that are just as good as Berkley but that's what she chose. She wants to go across the country. She should have what she wants, regardless of how I feel."

"That's a very selfless and mature perspective to have, especially about someone you care so much about." Dr. Wright acknowledged.

"It's easier to say than to do, and it's not easy either way. That's why I'm here." Danny admitted affirmatively.

That was exactly why he was there, and he hoped and prayed that this doctor would assist him with turning his thoughts and words into his behavior and ease the perpetual ache that took permanent residence in his being at the mere mention of Lacey leaving.

He needed to do this for her.


	9. Pinky Promise

Lacey walked the halls of Green Grove High with much less purpose and speed then her usual pace. She would have been wise to put a little more exhilaration in her step, as the first warning bell had already wrung and she needed to go to her locker before first period. Her body was wrought with a specific type of unease and worry that had crept into her after she'd woken that morning. It was the kind of cold trepidation that was linked to something very specific. Her mind flashed with images of the dream she had been visited with that night, and she felt her stomach dip as she clutched her textbooks to her chest. Almost trying to create a barrier against the intangible, non physical assault of those specific recollections.

It had been a couple of weeks since the incident at sunrise when she had completely succumbed to an emotional unraveling that all but spelled out Danny Desai. Her subsequent decision to miss the entire day of school and wallow in self pity and anguish, was one that she hadn't taken lightly, and it was in no way something normal or secondary. She rarely reacted in such an utterly obvious and debilitating manner. She was usually the pristine picture of what keeping it all together and bolted up inside looked like. Even if she was drowning and flailing beneath her skin and in her mind, she pushed onward and upward and convinced herself she was fine. She would go through the motions and put on a happy face, so no one would suspect, except maybe her closest friends, that she was actually suffering or dealing with something of heavy consequence.

But that day had been so different. It was as if she had erupted, as if she had been proverbially crushed under the weight of her feelings, doubts, and decisions. It was almost like all of those things plus seeing Danny talking to Amelia had accumulated into a insurmountable object that wouldn't allow any other option than her complete and total attention. Which in turn lead to her downright crippling reaction. The sheer enormity of what was happening, and going to happen, was immense. It was powerful in a way that she hadn't been adequately prepared for. Her guilt, doubt, jealousy, and worry where he was concerned had all decided to commingle and thread together, then proceed to demolish her bit by bit.

It had been during their short phone conversation that she had resolved to changing the way that she dealt with, or didn't deal with their confounding and exhausting relationship. She was going to have to stop outwardly showing her emotions in his presence. She had to stop existing like their was nothing more than friendship between them, then turning around and ignoring him when something happened. She was going to have to work threw this. She wanted the time that they did get to spend together in the next few months to be as positive as possible. She didn't get to be jealous, or rather, she didn't get to exhibit her jealousy with righteous indignation. She had no claim to him; he wasn't beholden to her. Though part of her believed, even despite everything, that he actually was. But she had done that. She had made that choice, and she wasn't going to go back on it. Even if at the very bottom of her being, she wasn't completely sure it was the right one.

The doubt that had plagued her regarding her decision to go to California came and went in waves. She felt almost a definitive sense of animosity, that she felt bad about wanting to go somewhere that wasn't near where she grew up. That wasn't surrounded by all the people and things and memories that she'd lost or that were tainted by life's cruel reckoning. She felt even more misery when those feelings shifted into her now clear awareness of why Danny wouldn't even discuss his post graduation plans with anyone. Or why he hadn't made any to begin with. She was going to attempt to convey why that mattered to her, even if she was choosing to leave and why, in turn, it should also matter to him.

So for those couple of weeks they had managed to sway and shift in each others orbit without too much incidence. There hadn't been any grand issue or momentary lapse of judgement. When she felt certain trickles of familiar, unwanted negative feelings of jealousy or apprehension, she brushed it off and tried to exist in a space free from guilt or worry. Her plan had been effective for the most part, except her subconscious obviously had other things in mind, because the dream that had awoken her that morning instantly almost erased those weeks of tenuous progress. Even if the progress was predominately located in her head. That dream had poured ice in her veins and then locked her in a freezer to insure the feeling couldn't be shook. It had taken every last fiber in her being not to call him once she woke and gained her bearings. It had been a nightmare to rival most of the one's she'd ever had the misfortune of experiencing.

Lacey opened her locker quickly placing two of her textbooks in it before hearing a voice come from her side in an unaffected, easy tone.

"You're gonna be late," Danny said, as his eyes scanned the halls rather than looking at her directly. He propped himself against the locker to her right as he waited for her acknowledgement.

"So are you, from the looks of it," Lacey offered, her tone tempered with a nonchalance and inefficiency.

"This is true," Danny agreed loosely, his eyes made their way to her briefly as she closed her locker door and looked at him rather thoughtfully. "But unlike me, you always make it a habit to avoid being late."

"You weren't in class yesterday," Lacey pointed out lightly as she changed the subject, fighting the urge to cross her arms in front of her. "What happened to the deal you made Jo about no ditching until ditch day?"

"What you miss me?" Danny offered flippantly, his head cocked to the side as his patented grin flashed on his face. Her demeanor remained unchanged, as she waited for a different response. One that clearly addressed her question and wasn't some charm laden tactic. "I had a legitimate reason. I wasn't just ditching to ditch."

"Right," Lacey lamented, as she shifted lightly on her feet, wondering if the reason was forthcoming or if he was going to keep it to himself. She got her answer with the next words that escaped his mouth.

"Are you alright?" Danny pondered aloud as he assessed her more closely. What he noticed had not been dependent on his eyes or his vision; he sensed there was something off about her almost as soon as he had approached her. It was slight at first, but in that moment it was coming off her in waves. Steady and tolling. "You seem a bit... unsettled. And again, like you don't care that you're gonna be late."

"I'm fine," Lacey waved off his concern briskly, her hand gesturing dismissively. "I just had this really bad dream it freaked me out."

"About what?" Danny questioned immediately, he took an involuntary step towards her and almost reached his hand out in an attempt to brush her arm, her shoulder or the hem of her jacket, but stopped himself before contact was made, rethinking the methods in which their physicality should be displayed.

"I'd rather not relive it," Lacey muttered, drinking in the warm honey tone of his eyes.

"I understand," Danny said gently, concern radiating off of him as if he were an open vent. The softened expression on his face mixed with the intention of his eyes, seemed almost akin to him attempting to soothe her without physically handling her. To ease her with his mere aptitude.

"Can I ask you a question?" Lacey posed lightly, scanning his face with her eyes. Trying to further ingrain him in her memory, as if every centimeter of him didn't already have some type of permanent residency there.

"Of course," Danny responded, the corners of his mouth gradually upturned briefly in a warm, comforting smile.

"Are you still riding motorcycles?" Lacey asked directly.

"Why? Did you change your mind?" Danny asked almost excitedly, his eyes gleaming as full smile flashed across his face. "You wanna go riding with me?"

"No, I didn't change my mind," Lacey admitted almost sadly, as she received the confirmation that elicited flashbacks from the nightmare she had endured the night before. "I just hoped that maybe you had."

"What? About riding motorcycles?" Danny questioned, almost acting as if this was the first conversation they'd had about it. "Why would I?"

"Because they're dangerous, Danny." Lacey lamented as she felt herself stiffen just at the mention of motored bikes, danger and him. "They're really, really dangerous."

"Relax," Danny said lightly, realizing that she was clearly not just offering friendly concern. She was legitimately worried. "I know what I'm doing, don't worry about it."

"Just you saying that, makes me worry more," Lacey sighed, as she absentmindedly ran a hand threw her hair. "Please make sure you're careful. Don't go too fast, and don't interweave through stopped cars."

"Lacey," Danny responded purposefully. "I already told you I'm careful."

"I know that, but I want you to promise me right now that you'll be really, really careful." Lacey urged on, not willing to give up on the conversation until she felt wholly reassured.

"Okay, I promise." Danny offered definitively.

"Pinky promise," Lacey stated, holding her hand out with her pinky finger extended. She didn't really know what had come over her to evoke that juvenile display, but it happened before she could devise a more suitable alternative.

"You haven't made me do that since we were like 9," Danny said with surprise, his eyes full of amusement. In his mind, he was momentarily transported back to that time when they were kids and she and Jo had this thing about pinky promises. He was always reluctant to engage in them at the time because they seemed so girly. He would always relent though, both girls would make him feel obligated to acquiesce.

"I know," Lacey admitted, looking at her pinky and then back at him. "But just do it, it'll make me feel better."

"There," Danny said gently, as he latched his pinky finger onto hers. "Pinky promise."

"Thank you," Lacey said, almost breathing a literal sigh of relief. She knew there were some things outside of his control, and he ran against those risks in certain environments. But he'd never broken a simple pinky promise to her when they were kids. Not once.

"Don't mention it." Danny assured her, dropping his hand from hers.

"You wanna study tonight? Go over what you missed yesterday?" Lacey asked, changing the subject.

"Hmm, no I can't tonight," Danny replied easily. "What about tomorrow?"

Lacey would have been hard pressed not to immediately realize that was the second time in the conversation where he had alluded to having something else to do while not being specific. Her mind automatically went to the reasoning having something to do with Amelia, but she quickly caught herself and pushed that heavy feeling down. She reasoned with herself that even if it did, she couldn't do anything to stop or prevent it. Or rather, she shouldn't, so she wasn't going to. His life was his and he could do what she wanted, and the same was true for her. This was just their painful reality.

"Yeah, tomorrow's fine," Lacey agreed, as the late bell rang.

* * *

Danny sat stretched out at their designated lunch table in the cafeteria, absentmindedly listening to Phoebe, Jo and Sarita all bickering over who had the best idea for senior prank. He briefly glanced at Lacey who sat next to him, as she seemed to be much more engrossed by the conversation going on between their friends, regarding the most creative, interesting prank that the seniors could pull off, than he was. He shifted gently in his seat as he chewed on an apple thoughtfully.

He momentarily recalled their conversation from earlier and how she had seemed on edge and worried, that coupled with her admittance of a nightmare had made his instincts sound off. Her subsequent questions regarding the nature of his latest hobby had essentially verified what the nightmare was regarding, and while the majority of the feelings that plagued him were a bit indistinguishable, the strongest one was that of proper agitation. It was almost exactly like his internal feelings when she showed jealousy. Because he knew deep down, that regardless of whatever part of her activated those emotions, it wouldn't change their situation. It wouldn't somehow reverse the ultimate decision that she had already made. It wouldn't diminish their reality. If anything it only exasperated it.

Lacey's phone buzzed on the table, interrupting Danny's thoughts as his eyes involuntarily went to her phone. The name that popped up above the text message immediately made his body tighten and his appetite disappear. He set the apple down as Lacey glanced at her phone momentarily, ignored the message and went back to listening to Jo's impassioned speech about changing the women's and men's signs on all the bathrooms and supergluing coins to the floors in the hallways. Lacey seemed unaware that he had seen who the text was from, as she hadn't even cast a glance at him during the span of time that Jo had been talking. Danny ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath as he looked around the cafeteria, trying desperately to take his mind off of what the text from a name whom he didn't recognize said. He knew almost unequivocally that it must have been from the guy she had said she was dating. That realization alone shifted him into a whole new state of contention. That coupled with his earlier emotional headspace was intrinsically dismantling.

"Am I boring you Desai?" Jo asked, noticing that he was off in space as she talked.

Jo's eyes followed his wayward ones to see where his attention had gone. The rest of the group followed Jo's lead as the buzzing of the conversation had halted, to see what had Danny and Jo's attention. As if on cue, Amelia walked through the cafeteria doors directly in Danny's line of vision. The irony seemed ridiculous, almost as if it was timed. Even though it was complete happenstance mixed with his own discontent, that had sent his eyes in that direction in the first place. Danny looked back at Jo as she gave him a very particular look, his eyes shifted to Phoebe who blatantly rolled hers at him.

"What?" Danny questioned, clearing his throat. Too much had just taken place in that two minute span of time. "No, you're not."

"I hope you don't think she gets to be a part of any of this," Sarita quipped up. The destain in her voice not masked or hidden. She put extra emphasis on the word "she".

"Sarita, chill." Cole rebuked loosely, trying to have Danny's back.

"I will do no such thing," Sarita exclaimed. "If that girl thinks she gets to weasel her way into this group just because she's new. I call bullshit. She needs to find her own friends to hang out with at senior picnic and ditch day."

"Sarita," Lacey spoke up as a warning to her friend who was currently going off at the mouth. She looked over in the general direction of where Amelia had just been and realized she was still fairly far away from their table and couldn't hear Sarita's tirade.

"Sarita, what are you even talking about?" Danny sighed, all too familiar with Sarita's snide comments and overall mouthy nature. "She hasn't even approached us as a group. She has her own friends."

"Who? Besides you?" Sarita all but accused, her voice full of snark.

"Alright that's enough, Sarita." Lacey said firmly, giving Sarita a serious look which she hoped would counteract the dull, and lately all too familiar feeling, in the pit of her stomach.

"Really?" Sarita questioned. "Why would you, of all people, defend her?"

"I'm not defending her," Lacey retorted sternly. She could feel Danny's gaze heating the side of her face. "I'm defending him. That's his friend. So what? She isn't trying to infiltrate the group, so relax."

Sarita had no retort for that as she looked back and forth between Danny and Lacey who both, as well as the rest of the table, remained silent.

"This is so awkward," Rico muttered more to himself than the table, although most of them heard him.

Lacey took a deep breath as she realized her hands where trembling and she folded them in her lap. She refused to meet Danny's eyes in that moment as she looked cheerfully in Jo's direction.

"What about a bunch those huge of balloons?" Lacey suggested, trying to restore the conversation to the previous topic.

* * *

"Have you been getting any sleep?" Dr. Wright asked, leaning back in her chair as she looked at the young man in front of her.

"Not really," Danny muttered as he gently tapped his foot. "At least not consistently. It's creeping up on me though. I slept for like 17 hours straight on Saturday. My mom thought I was dead."

"When you do sleep, do you dream?" Dr. Wright questioned.

"I haven't had a dream I can remember in awhile." Danny admitted thoughtfully. "I think Lacey had one though. About me."

"What does that mean, you think?" Dr. Wright asserted, writing neatly as she waited for him to answer.

"I don't know, it's just a feeling." Danny admitted to the woman. "She admitted to having a nightmare, but she didn't want to tell me what it was about. But then she started making me promise to be careful when I'm out riding."

"As in motorcycle riding?" Dr. Wright clarified, her pen hung loosely between her two fingers.

"Yes."

"And you think she had some dream about you getting hurt while riding?" The psychiatrist posed, her eyes narrowing just slightly.

"Yeah," Danny responded. "I mean, I could be wrong, but it was just the tone of the conversation and how rattled she seemed about it."

"Do you think her concern is misguided?" Dr. Wright asked directly.

"No not necessarily." Danny retorted. "I just... I don't think she should worry."

"You don't think she should worry that you're operated potentially dangerous bikes powered by strong motors?" Dr. Wright attempted to confirm. "You don't think that's cause for concern?"

"I know what I'm doing." Danny reasoned defiantly, crossing his arms in front of him as he leaned back in his chair.

"So someone with a penchant for being impulsive and whom has a temper, deciding to ride around on a motorcycle, virtually completely unprotected, at excessively high speeds seems like a good idea?" The woman countered.

"I can see that you don't think it is," Danny breathed with annoyance. "You sound just like her."

"This is the first I'm hearing of you and motorcycles," The doctor added.

"It didn't seem pertinent to what we're talking about here," Danny shrugged. "I didn't see why I needed to bring it up."

"She's not off base to be concerned," Dr. Wright replied. "I don't blame her. Now that I know about it, I am as well."

"Why?" Danny asked disgruntled, feeling supreme irritation coil in his chest.

"With your lack of sleep, what you're working through here, combined with some of your learned tendencies: it doesn't really make a positive, heathy mix."

"I think you're wrong," Danny countered evenly.

"Everything that you already have bottled up, mixed with speed and adrenaline is not a good thing." Dr. Wright added with emphasis, her voice softening just barely.

"Why does everyone just assume I'm going to be intentionally reckless?" Danny asked deliberately, his voice climbing until the last word had expelled from his mouth. "Like I don't know how to be careful?"

"It's not that you don't know how, Danny." Dr. Wright corrected. "It's just that the other factors, in specific circumstances, may outweigh your capacity and ability to."


	10. A Physical Manifestation

**A/N: I know it's been super painful and taxing thus far. I wish I could say that was changing, but it's not. I will however say a continual thanks to those who read and review or give extensive feedback, you're kind words are so helpful and insightful to read.**

* * *

**6 Months Ago**

Lacey was having an out of body experience. Her brain was telling her to move, to take action, to somehow stop what was taking place before her. But all she could do was see herself stilled, frozen in place as she watched the scene unfold in front of her, while her heart pounded in her ears. It was one of those times where the mind has to catch up with the moment. She didn't even know where he had come from. Her and Alex had been arguing in a relatively abandoned hallway hours after the last bell had rung for the day. Before she knew what was up from down, Danny had swooped in and put himself between the two of them. He had appeared in such a quick manner that shocked her, as if he had descended from the ceiling or out of a supply closet. But all she knew now was her own dismay and the sound of fists connecting with faces.

She was trying desperately to get her throat to open, and for her voice to function, if her body was unable. But even that seemed like a task that was impossible as she flinched watching the two boys physically fight. Although it was less of a fight, and more of a proper one-sided ass kicking. With each passing second it seemed that Danny was becoming more enraged and out of control. She briefly looked around to see if there was anyone near that could help, her assertions were dashed as she knew that the probability of anyone being around was rather slim. Lacey felt her entire body tremble as she readied herself to intervene. She paused for a couple more seconds, trying to gather the fortitude to break up what was unfolding so quickly and horribly in front of her.

"Danny, stop!" Lacey shouted loudly. Finally finding proper use of her limbs, she closed the space between them and grasped tightly on the back of his sweater. "Stop it!"

That was really no use, as Alex squirmed underneath Danny's weight and strikes, his face bloody and his eyes full of shock and bewilderment. Alex had been fortunate to connect a couple of blows in the beginning to defend himself, but once Danny leveled on top of him, he didn't have much hope of a chance at this being anything resembling an even match up. Lacey felt the muscles in Danny's lower back ripple with his movements, his constant jarring motions almost made her stumble as she firmly griped his shoulder with one hand and put the other arm around his waist, she pulled and tugged with all her might. Desperate to stop what had already gotten so far out of hand that she couldn't even really grasp the totality of it.

"Danny, please!" Lacey yelled, her voice sounded shrill and frantic. "You have to stop! Get off of him!"

Danny's movements slowed considerably as he felt like he heard the sound of Lacey's voice off in the distance. But it seemed so far away in his mind. It was right alongside the weight that was tugging him in a backward motion, but still nowhere as prominent and pervasive as the sheer rage that was pulsating through his core. His head was fuzzy, and his breath was coming out in gasps, as a very acute and familiar pain was shooting out of his hands. He felt the weight behind him pull once more, and like an anchor it caused him to stumble back. He looked at the young man who scrambled from the ground, to his knees, as Danny's anger lessened to a dull roar within him, though the roar was still quite deafening.

The young man with the bloody face made his way from his knees to his feet as he tried to gather himself and steady his equilibrium as the immense pain was radiating through his body. He could taste the blood in his mouth and could barely see out of his right eye. He stumbled forward a bit as Danny rose to his feet, instantly enraged and incensed as the memory of what had even provoked such a heightened and specifically retaliatory type of display. He felt like he could feel his thumping heartbeat in his steely fists, as he took a step towards the guy who was already sufficiently battered and incredibly worse for the wear. Something stopped him from moving forward though. All of a sudden he was meet with Lacey's face and her hands on his chest pushing him in the opposite direction of which he was intending to go. Her eyes looked frantic and disorientated and scared. His entire body became immediately infused with perplexity, as her reaction brought out other more complicated and confounding emotions.

"You're fucking crazy!" Alex spat at Danny, trying to eradicate the vile, copper taste of his own blood that was lining his mouth.

"Shut up!" Lacey turned to the young man who she'd only been dating for 6 weeks, before focusing all of her attention back onto Danny, who's eyes had left hers and had zeroed back in on Alex with automatic and recharged negative energy. "Danny, we have to go."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Alex almost laughed, the tremendous amount of pain that shot over his face made him reevaluate that decision. "You're gonna defend him?"

"Danny, look at me." Lacey demanded trying desperately to disengage him, her voice steady like a low wind, but inside she was cringing and in disbelief. She nudged gently against his chest once more, and his body relented to her physical instruction as his eyes fell on hers. "We have to go. You can't be here anymore."

Danny seemed to understand as he staggered backwards, feeling the adrenaline shouting through his being as if he'd consumed copious amounts of caffeine and hadn't expended any energy in the last five hours.

"Alex," Lacey said as she turned around tiredly. She winced as she was met with his bruised and battered face. "I'm so sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry that this happened. But I have to go with him."

"So your ex beats the shit out of me, but you're sitting here apologizing on his behalf and leaving with him?" Alex mumbled with resentment and a bunch of wounded pride.

"I'm sorry," Lacey mumbled again, she felt Danny come close up behind her, and she turned around to push him in the opposite direction again. She picked up his backpack and began to follow his reluctantly retreating form. "Let's go."

Lacey started walking at a quickened pace, clutching her car keys in her hands as she put a good bit of distance between her and Danny's bodies as they both walked to the parking lot. She just kept thinking about what if a teacher or a coach saw them, and saw Danny's hands and the cut on his face. They'd surely ask questions and that was the last thing that she wanted or could properly handle at the moment. She just wanted to get Danny and herself off of school property as quickly and quietly as possible. She didn't even look at him during their descent towards the parking lot, the silence between them magnified by the quickness with which their bodies were moving.

Once they reached her car, she threw his and her backpacks in the back seat and realized that he had stopped abruptly a few paces away from her car. She looked at him for the first time since breaking up the fight and felt all her nerves splayed on end, as if she was on the precipice of screaming her head off or crying her heart out. Danny wasn't even looking at her, his eyes locked somewhere out in the distance. When her gaze followed his quickly, she realized he was looking in the direction of the empty soccer field.

"Danny, get in the car." Lacey demanded, her voice so full of anxiety and emotion that it was a wonder her body was adequately carrying those two entities in such ample amounts.

She was met with no physical response from him, no even verbal proclamation that he had heard her. She knew that he had however because in the very next moment his eyes, laden with a pensive and actionable quality, looked at her for less than a second before diverting away. His silence and lack of action infuriated her, so her dismay transferred into her own sizable and lethal anger.

"Get in the fucking car!" Lacey shouted at him, her eyes ablaze as her chest heaved and quaked with everything that it was trying to contain.

Danny's eyes met hers momentarily before he opened her passenger door and slid into the car. Lacey took a deep and taxing breath, one that was needless and futile as she could feel the beginnings of her anger completely start to unravel on top of her. She eased into the car and locked the door as she looked straight ahead and fumbled with her keys. Words and thoughts were going a mile a minute in her head and she suddenly felt like her hands weren't even working correctly.

"What the fuck, Danny?" Lacey's voice bellowed throughout the car, as she cursed at him and to high heavens in the same breath. "What were you thinking?!"

Lacey still struggled with locating the proper key to start her car, but couldn't because her mind was fuzzy, her hands were trembling and she felt a kind of distinct and diabolical rage that she hadn't experienced in a long, long time.

"I'm so angry, I'm fucking shaking!" Lacey shrieked as she chucked her keys against the steering wheel with immeasurable frustration and agitation.

Danny held his silence like an armor. Not even attempting to offer a reason or and explanation or an excuse. He was still trying to wordlessly instruct his body to expunge his limbs from the weight of the fury that was boiling in his blood. He heard her anguish and excruciating disappointment, but it was outweighed by the tumultuous tension that still lined his hands, face and mannerisms. He kept hearing the words that Alex had said to Lacey before feeling himself lose all semblance of time and space, and knocking the guy on his ass. It hadn't been enough to get one blow in, he had to make sure that this guy knew how badly he had messed up and how irrevocable his actions were.

Lacey kept trying to regulate her breathing as she muttered to herself, finally getting the correct key in the ignition as she started her car and quickly maneuvered out of the parking spot and out of the school's parking lot.

"I can't believe this," Lacey gasped under her breath, almost stiflingly a bitterly sarcastic laugh. "I can't fucking believe this shit."

She tried with all her might to just focus on the road and try not to pull him into her own mounding hysteria, but she quickly dispelled that idea when she kept going over what had just taken place, in her head. She took a deep breath and ran her still shaking hand over her face as she drove in the direction of his house.

"What were you thinking, huh?" Lacey questioned out loud. Her voice quivering with destain and incredulity. Her hands gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles turned almost white, just to impede their constant trembling. "What the hell was that?"

No verbal response emitted from his mouth, he sat in his seat angled away from her, he hadn't even bothered to put his seatbelt on. His hands, specifically the right one, throbbed and the side of his face hurt. All he was trying to do was successfully quiet the way that his chest was being used as a bow and arrow for his anger and his actions. His breath was shallow and his head felt like it wasn't properly deciphering his thoughts.

"Answer me!" Lacey voice sliced through the short distance between their two bodies as they sat side by side in her car, her arm came up and connected across his upper chest in a quick blow. She pulled her hand back quickly only to repeat the strike again. "Fucking answer me!"

The impact of her hand and arm to his chest wasn't powerful or strong by any stretch of the imagination, but the act itself shocked him so deeply that his head snapped over to look at her. He could see the angular side of her face shaped with anguish and uncertainty, her jaw was clenched as their eyes met for a fleeting second before hers returned to the road.

"I don't know," Danny finally mumbled. His voice sounded unfamiliar in his ears, as if its owner was someone he'd never met, or at least not seen or spoken to for some time.

"You don't know?" Lacey replied with contempt. "That's the best you can come up with? You beat the shit out of the guy I'm dating and you just don't know?"

"Fuck him," Danny murmured, glancing down at his hands, realizing that the pain seemed to be localized near his middle finger on his right hand. The rest of the discomfort from his bruised and cut knuckles was dissipating slowly.

"Are you serious right now?" Lacey gasped, aghast that he was taking the complete opposite stance than the one he should have been readying himself to adopt. "You're unbelievable."

"He shouldn't have spoken to you that way," Danny said simply and defiantly, reaching up for the first time to gingerly touch the cut on his face. He didn't even wince at the sharp bit of pain that action sent down his cheek and along his jaw.

"What are you even talking about?" Lacey shouted, her voice elevating against the syllables of her words. "We were having an argument. People who are dating have arguments. That's no excuse for what you did!"

Danny sat in silence as he looked out the window feeling some of the displaced rage that he had been dealing with evaporate from himself and seep over to her. He sighed and haphazardly moved a piece of fallen hair from the front of his face.

They approached his house and instead of slowing the car to allow him to get out, she stopped it, put it in park and turned off the engine, pocketing her keys. Before he could even say anything, she hoped out of the car and opened the backseat, grabbing his backpack and slamming the door, no doubt much louder than was absolutely necessary. Danny retreated from the car tentatively himself as he watched her.

"What are you doing?" Danny posed, assessing her rigid, yet fuming body language.

She didn't answer him as she walked up the walk way to his front door. He followed behind her, as she plucked his house keys out of the front of his backpack and unlocked the door. Lacey silently thanked whomever was above that at least his mother wasn't there, and maybe wouldn't be back for awhile. She opened the door and made a beeline for the kitchen. Danny took his time following her, feeling her intentional and rather artistically placed outrage in the entryway she had just walked through.

By the time he reached the kitchen she was going through the cabinets, closing each one with more force and exasperation than required. Danny seated himself on a barstool and watched her movements cautiously and meticulously, wondering if he should interrupt the silence and her movements with his inquiries.

"What are you looking for?" Danny finally asked, rolling his shoulders that suddenly felt sore and as tense as bricks.

"A first aid kit for your hands," Lacey seethed, moving across the spacious kitchen, opening and closing drawers in her wake.

"Two drawers to your left," Danny instructed, as he breathed evenly. Finally starting to feel like the incensed maniacal part of him had subsided considerably. Now he was more overcome with wariness and concern with how she was continuing to react to what happened, and how that was going to unfold.

Lacey filled a bowl with ice and water, grabbed a roll of paper towels and the first aid kit before setting them all on the counter beside him. She looked at him and the space between them and realized that she was going to have to get much closer to him in order to tend to his hands and the wound on his face, which had been her intention coming into his house to begin with. Her eyes flickered around the kitchen as she realized she hadn't been in it for quite some time. In fact, she would be remiss to not acknowledge that she hadn't been anywhere in his house for quite some time. The realization coupled with the events of the afternoon sent her deeper into her own agitation and bitterness.

"You can't go around assaulting people, Danny." Lacey said directly. "I know you know that. You're going to get expelled."

"I'm not going to get expelled," Danny countered in a tone that resembled something close to reassurance.

"You can't be sure of that!" Lacey exclaimed, running her hands tiredly over her face. "You beat up a fellow student on school grounds!"

"No one saw," Danny reasoned, instantly feeling overwhelmed and put in a finite box titled with her reaction and the potential truths within it.

"That doesn't matter," Lacey almost choked out, she felt all the energy leap and cascade along the inside and outside of her being. She was suddenly incredibly emotionally exhausted. "It'll be his word against yours, and one look at his face... do you think anyone is going to believe you weren't capable of that?"

"I'll figure something out," Danny sighed, trying to interject a bit of calming into his tone.

"It's not that simple, Danny!" Lacey exclaimed, her hands, followed by her arms came up in a physical show of frustration. "This isn't something that you can charm your way out of. I can't believe this happened. I can't believe you."

"He shouldn't have been talking to you in that way," Danny claimed indignantly. "I couldn't just let him do that."

"We were fighting!" Lacey almost screamed. "Couple's fight, they argue. You, of all people, know that! This isn't brand new information. But so what if he was out of line in what he said? You don't think I could have handled it?"

"You shouldn't have to," Danny exclaimed with a deep-rooted and clear conviction.

"So what, you think that's your role now?" Lacey questioned with venom lacing her tired and wavering vocal chords. "You get to just beat the shit out of whoever you deem fit who isn't treating me right?"

"If I have to," Danny said simply, shifting on the stool.

"No!" Lacey said vehemently. "No you will not! Because it's my life and it's my choices. It's not your concern!"

"You're my concern!" Danny countered, his voice raising for the first time.

The emphasis with which those words left his body was enough to still Lacey and momentarily quell her anger. Instead of rage, she felt an almost pristine awareness of the truth buried deep in his words. Because she felt the same way about him. Even when she was furious with him or wanted to strangle him, he would always be her concern as well. She would always be intrinsically tied to who he was and who he'd be, even if they weren't together.

Lacey broke the turbulent way that both of their gazes had settled on the other, with too much emotion, too much intention, too much velocity and looked away from him. She leaned against the counter to give her body a bit of support and assistance, it was becoming too weak and engrained with the significance of her words and his behavior.

"Put your hand in this," Lacey said evenly, pushing the bowl full of ice and water closer towards him. She made no move to get closer to him, as she opened the first aid kit and started sifting through it in silence.

Danny didn't respond but did as he was told, sliding the more damaged, affected hand into the icy cold water, slightly flinching at the temperature and the gradual bit of pain that radiated from it. He watched Lacey closely as she took the contents of the first aid kit out and lined what she needed on the counter. He watched her take a paper towel and retrieve some ice cubes from the bowl and wrap them in it. He assessed her as she walked towards the sink and turned on the hot water to wash her hands.

"Maybe this isn't working," Lacey muttered, looking down into the sink. "Maybe we should..."

"Maybe we should what?" Danny questioned, knowing she wasn't suggesting what it sounded like she was suggesting.

Once she was finished, she moved back in his general direction but didn't get as close to him as required to tend to his wounds. It seemed she was putting off that infringement of personal space and proximity until the very last second. She took an alcohol pad and opened it, finally turning and actually stepping into his sitting form. She immediately zeroed in on the cut on the side of his face, as she gently cleaned it in silence. She felt the familiar and perpetually comforting warmth emitting from his body, and his gaze felt like distinct physical grazes against different parts of her face. She tried to still herself and focus on her task without becoming emphatically affected by his literal closeness.

"I'm sorry," Danny mumbled as he studied her carefully, wondering to himself, when was the last time they had been in such close proximity for an extended period of time. A time that wasn't linked to a casual greeting, or some other unintentional, though brief, merging of their physical forms. His mind drifted to what had happened on New Years Eve, just six months prior.

"No, you're not," Lacey offered as a rebuttal, her eyes flickered onto his in a fleeting manner before she looked back at the counter and grabbed the paper towel with ice. She brought it up to his face and held it against his now disinfected cut. "You're only sorry I'm reacting this way. If you had to do it over you'd do the same thing."

Danny didn't have a retort for that, mostly because he knew she was right. His eyes spanned the angles and perfect dips of her face and neck, as he felt the outside of her leg against his knee.

"Stop looking at me," Lacey instructed calmly, though inside she was harboring a whirlwind of emotions. Her focus remained on holding the paper towel to his face.

"Where else am I supposed to look?" Danny questioned almost too seriously.

Lacey didn't have a satisfactory answer for him so she allowed the silence to engulf the both of them. Danny took a deep breath and his nose was met with the familiar tinge of the scent of her skin, which was coated by another scent that was more foreign to him. He hadn't noticed it until right in that moment and his mouth opened to verbally acknowledge this detail.

"You changed your perfume," Danny said gently. Lacey's eyes met his in an almost surprised, caught off guard manner. She was stunned that he would say something like that right then, and more stunned that she wasn't surprised that he'd noticed at all. Any and every single thing regarding her, he noticed or absorbed. Sometimes it unnerved her, sometimes it comforted her. Most of the time it touched her.

"Let me see your hand," Lacey requested, choosing not to address his last statement.

Danny took his hand out of the ice water, as Lacey gingerly dried it with the paper towel. Seeing his injured and bruised hand brought back the events of the day ten fold. She was suddenly overcome with a great and distinct sadness that she tried to push down and swallow.

"This finger looks broken," Lacey murmured as she lightly ran her fingertips over his swollen index finger.

"I would be in more pain if it was broken," Danny assured her. "It's just sprained."

Lacey used a cotton ball coated with hydrogen peroxide to run over the cuts and nicks on his knuckles, cleaning away access blood that the water hadn't dissolved. She felt him flinch just barely at the probable burning and stinging that the liquid caused him. The skin of his hand was already bruising considerably. She then applied some anti bacterial gel to his cuts and wrapped his knuckles with gauze, securing it, before carefully wrapping his sprained finger, and the one beside it with medical tape for stability. She used a different cotton ball with hydrogen peroxide on his other, less affected hand, which didn't require being wrapped.

"You're really good at this," Danny offered softy, his voice low.

Lacey's eyes flicked up to his unwavering ones when his words reached her. She had not wanted or meant to be good at taking care of him in such a way, she almost abhorred the literal overt instinct that seized her to do just that. This was too much of a muddled and difficult reality that they continuously balanced on the axis of. Their eye contact held as she contemplated if she'd ever be able to get over what existed between them, if she'd ever feel a moment in her life where normalcy and peace with someone who wasn't him, would be sufficient.

If there would ever be a time where the both of them could reside in each other's physical space without feeling the captivating pull of the other. Without desperately having to fight the almost visceral magnetic undercurrent that was always present. The way she was physically drawn to him used to confuse her, but their almost soundless, wordless emotional draw to the other was even more inexplicable, and all the more terrifying. It manifested in physical realms more readily, because there were things that they didn't say or issues that they didn't discuss. But their bodies ended up attempting to express themselves regardless, even sometimes when both of them fought tirelessly against it.

It was happening in that very moment as their eyes remained locked. Lacey's hand was no longer on his hand but on his arm, her body was almost completely filling the space between his open legs, as his other less injured hand grazed her hip. These things always happened too rapidly with them. One minute they were in a clear safe space, and the next they were astoundingly molded and forged together. Their gazes never faltered as their mouths loomed mere centimeters apart, just as Danny's mouth moved to capture hers, she pulled back at the sound of the front door shutting.

Lacey found the lost breath that had been caught in her throat as she put a stunned hand over her mouth. Danny tried to grasp her arm before she retreated further away from him, as he heard his mother's heels clicking as she walked towards the kitchen. His hand grazed Lacey's arm as she backed away further.

The first thing Karen saw when she entered the kitchen was Lacey's face, which she beamed at instantly.

"Lacey, honey hi!" Karen said joyfully. Her eyes then shifted to her son, and the items on the counter, which swiftly rung all the cheer from her, as her disposition changed dramatically. "Danny, what happened?"

Danny didn't respond as he took a deep breath, ultimately at odds with the fact that his mother was going to be incredibly concerned and worried about the nature of what had taken place that afternoon. Karen approached the two of them but her eyes stayed on her son, she noticed his wrapped hand and then the cut on his face.

"What happened?" Karen asked again, this time directing the question to Lacey.

"He got in a fight," Lacey admitted to Karen.

"Danny!" Karen sighed in alarm.

"Mom, please, just relax, it isn't that bad." Danny tried to amend.

"Were you there?" Karen asked Lacey gently, ignoring her sons words. "How bad was it?"

"It was pretty bad," Lacey said truthfully. She couldn't even look at Danny, her insides were still a combination of jello and molten lava, because of what his mother had unknowingly interrupted.

"It wasn't," Danny counteracted firmly, his focus on his mother. "Everything's going to be fine, I don't want you to worry."

"I should really get going," Lacey said, nervously running a hand through her hair. "I just wanted to put something on his hand."

"Lacey, don't..." Danny began but was cut off by his mother's words.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Karen said with such kindness and sincerity as she turned towards Lacey and gathered her in a hug. "I appreciate you taking care of him."

Lacey hugged Karen as she felt her heart attempting to break out of her chest, as a precise emotion was threatening to escape her throat. She could feel Danny's eyes and it took everything inside of her to not meet them. She knew she didn't have the capacity to hug his mother and look at him at the same time.

"I really miss you," Karen said, as she pulled away, smoothing Lacey's hair gently.

"Yeah, I miss you too," Lacey managed softly with a distinct sadness on her face. She was trying desperately to keep it together.

Lacey took a step back, as she pulled her car keys out of her pocket. She gave Karen a warm smile, albeit forced, as she began to back out of the kitchen.

"I'll see you later," Lacey offered Danny under her breath, without even casting a look in his directing. Once she had exited the house and shut the front door behind her, she exhaled a heavy breath that she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.


	11. A Pillar

Danny sat looking absentmindedly at all the artwork on the walls. He bemused silently to himself about what goes into making such choices. He'd noticed the pieces on the walls at all of the psychiatrist office's he'd ever been to, and usually found himself wondering what variables went into choosing each piece. Did it just sometimes depend on the taste of the doctor? Were they just for decorative purposes? No additional thought given to them? Or maybe, perhaps they were specially handpicked for obscure relaxation qualities that some assumed they had. He never really could tell one way or the other. But the images always caused his mind to leap and bound into interesting and peculiar spaces.

Much like music or a specific smell, an image can evoke a very haunting emotion, even if you've never seen it before. And sometimes especially if you haven't. Out of all the psychiatrist offices he'd had the displeasure of frequenting, as far as artwork went, this was by far the most aesthetically pleasing. The pieces that lined her walls were esoteric, yet not showy or pretentious. His favorite was the one that hung behind her desk. It reminded him of water and space and freedom. If a painting was purposely made to be calming, then that one definitely did the trick. It was expansive without being scary. It reminded him of spaces of mass gentle waves. Of peace, or stillness. It reminded him of the anthesis of how he'd felt lately about 80% of the time. The image was soothing and sometimes, almost made him want to go to sleep. As if it lulled him into a place of safety and security, where his mind ceased to rattle and perpetually unfold with thoughts, and into this quiet dimension where he could just rest without worry. Maybe he'd attempt to imagine it the next time he tried to fall asleep.

Dr. Wright breezed easily into her office, interrupting his thoughts. He sat up a bit straighter as he crossed his hands in front of him. Her disposition was incredibly unassuming, yet direct. She was always calm, mindful and never had he seen her be especially caught off guard, or unable to handle the manner in which he himself, handled things. Even when he disagreed with her, he sometimes thought about her words again after she had said them. Feeling an impact so much later, after the initial delivery had passed. He would even go so far as to assert that he liked her, or rather, was fond of her. But that didn't stop him from sometimes being wary of the depths she would request him to go to, and it wouldn't necessarily prevent him from refusing to talk about or reveal certain things.

"How are you?" Dr. Wright asked, her eyes seeming bright and with their usual steady purpose.

Danny pondered her words briefly, as they echoed in his mind. He knew she was asking it in a completely different manner than it was so often posed. The small, inconsequential dialogue between two people that don't necessarily care what the answer to that question is. She wasn't asking it as a matter of formality, or as a way to sort of break the ice. She was genuinely asking him how he was. She wasn't just saying those words without careful thought and consideration of the possibility that his answer may be what most people don't expect. Something similar to "not great" or "i've been better". He so revered her candor.

"Not terrible, but not good either." Danny admitted, as he picked a piece of stray lint off his pants.

"Our goal here is to get you to 'good.'" Dr. Wright affirmed, taking her pen in her right hand, before resting it over the top of the page.

"How about just 'okay'?" Danny sighed, rolling his shoulders and sitting back further in the big leather chair.

"Well, I suppose that's entirely up to you," The doctor answered thoughtfully. "That's dependent on the work you do and the steps you take to cement the work."

"I'll do what I can," Danny relented lightly, gently tapping his thumbs against each other as he watched the psychiatrist.

"I want to start off this session talking about something very important," Dr. Wright began vaguely. It wasn't like her to not get straight to the point with her questions. She was usually unflinchingly direct.

"What's that?" Danny asked, suddenly halfway between worried and curious.

"Communication." Dr. Wright said simply. "Do you think you're an effective communicator?"

"Uh-umm," Danny stammered a bit, not fully knowing how to answer that question. "I'm not sure what you mean by effective."

"Okay, let me be more specific," Dr. Wright relented. "Let's put it into the context of why you're here. Do you and Lacey communicate well."

"I don't know," Danny muttered as he cracked the knuckle in his thumb. "We talk most days so..."

"That's not what I asked you," Dr. Wright clarified, as she wrote something on the notepad in front of her. Her eyes looking back up at him with a certain expectation. "I know you two are in each other's lives, which would require some type of verbal dialogue. But what I'm asking is whether or not, the two of you communicate in a productive manner. In a fashion where there are thoughts, feelings, fears, opinions, insecurities, situational occurrences, that are discussed in a completely open and honest way."

"I'm not sure..." Danny said with a distinct hint of forthcoming. "I mean... things get brought up and we fight."

"Fighting isn't necessarily communicating," The psychiatrist corrected gently. "Does she know how you feel about her moving to California?"

"Yes." Danny answered definitively, without hesitation.

"Did you tell her right after she told you her decision?" The doctor further pressed.

"No." Danny replied almost meekly, suddenly understanding where this point of reference was going. He almost wanted to halt it but knew that it was already too late.

"Did you tell her a week after? A month?" Dr. Wright asserted evenly. "What about last week?"

"No."

"So how does she know?" Dr. Wright posed firmly.

"Because she does," Danny responded directly. "Because she knows how I feel about her, and that I want to be with her. She knows."

"But why not tell her?" Dr. Wright went on, scribbling with easy and decisive strokes across the paper. "Why not verbalize that to her?"

"This is going to sound really strange," Danny said lightly, after taking a very lengthy pause.

"No please, go ahead." The doctor urged him on, waiting silently for him to finish whatever thought was on the tip of his tongue.

"We just have this thing," Danny explained slowly, his voice a bit wobbly. "Sometimes I just have to look at her and I know what she's thinking. It's like how right before it's about to rain, the air smells different; you know it before it happens."

"That sounds like quite a connection," Dr. Wright offered sincerely. Her face held a particular expression that wasn't discernible to him. "But it's crucial that you don't rely on that exclusively, when important things need to be conveyed, even if they are assumed or known intrinsically."

"I don't rely on it exclusively," Danny corrected her, recalling a vivid image of his verbal proclamation to Lacey when the two of them broke up.

"Well, don't rely on it when it's important," Dr. Wright clarified. "Everyone should hear the words regarding whatever is important. Let them marinate in her ears, in yours. It's vital."

"What if I know it won't change anything?" Danny questioned, feeling uneasy. He felt like he was searching for some type of leverage. For emotional backup.

"That's just the risk you take." The doctor answered plainly, her voice steady. "She verbalized to you how she was worried about you riding motorcycles, didn't she?"

"I guess so," Danny sighed, running his hand through his hair and over his face.

"You've said before that the location of the school she chose is deliberate," Dr. Wright went on easily, writing alongside the margins on the paper. "Can you further explain that?"

"She's going as far away as she can, physically, on purpose," Danny responded, his voice hard and his anguish looming.

"Why?"

"I'm sure she has her reasons."

"Something tells me you know what those reasons are, at least in part."

"I think she's running," Danny replied, his voice flat and rigid. Like the edge of something that could gut you in a second, with no warning or repose. "She thinks that if she stays here or even close by, we'll be inevitable to one another."

"Distance has nothing to do with inevitability. Something that is truly inevitable cannot be prevented by distance, maybe postponed, but not all together averted."

"I guess that should make me feel better," Danny sighed, tapping his heel against the leg of the chair.

The fact that it didn't was disappointing. It didn't further his agitation but it also didn't relieve it. He didn't need some obscure possibility for the distant future, he needed some unconceivable drop of ability to deal with her imminent departure. Which seemed like it was coming closer and closer, as they were already halfway done with the school year.

"You've known her since you were a kid, is that correct?" Dr. Wright posed, though she already knew the answer to the question she asked.

"Yeah, since we were like six or seven." Danny mumbled, he suddenly was hit with an image of Lacey as a little girl, and his heart both soared and broke in equal parts.

"So the only portion of time she hasn't been in your life, that you can clearly remember, is when you were in juvie, is that correct?" The doctor prodded. She held his gaze purposely, knowing that the mention of juvie would cause a specific reaction. One she was both prepared for, and undeterred by.

"I don't wanna..." Danny began, but was then swiftly cut off by the psychiatrist's words.

"Talk about juvie." Dr. Wright lamented, reiterating what had come out of his mouth during all his previous sessions. "I know. You don't want to talk about many things, but real progress won't be made until you do."

"This isn't about those things." Danny muttered under his breath, shifting in his chair as his eyes flicked up to the painting behind her.

"But those things are about you," The doctor pushed on. "They shaped and molded you. You discounting them, or ignoring them won't change that."

Danny sat in silence as he felt the doctor watching him fastidiously. She'd brought this up in every other session that he'd had. His reactions and his push back regarding the idea, never really had any immediate nor lastly effect. She'd drop the subject in the moment, but always brought it up again at another time. Always framing the importance differently with each approach. Trying almost relentlessly and while he hated her for it, he almost appreciated the effort. Even if those things were the last subjects in the world he wanted to talk about, someone being so ceaselessly interested in what monsters hid there, in those terrible spaces and memories, made him feel strangely worthy. As if, even amongst his dysfunction and wounds he was satisfactory. He wasn't irretrievable as a human being.

"How about this," Dr. Wright posed thoughtfully, setting down her pen and leaning back in her chair. Danny automatically realized that she rarely engaged with him for extended periods of time, without a pen in her hand. She was always writing. "How about we come to an agreement?"

"What type of agreement?"

"I get to ask you two questions regarding things you don't seem to believe are applicable to your current situation. Just two, no more. You can answer them as vaguely or as detailed as you'd like. That parts up to you." The doctor responded with a good bit of generosity in both her tone and in her words.

"You won't ask followup questions? Or ask me to be more specific?" Danny questioned, seriously pondering what she was suggesting. Even if it made the muscles in his shoulders tense up.

"Only two of these type of questions per session. If I want to ask follow up questions, I have to wait until our next appointment."

"Alright," Danny breathed, giving in almost reluctantly. He knew that the entire framework and context of their meetings was going to shift, and he knew with unequivocal certainty that he was unprepared for what was to come. Even if it was just two questions at a time.

* * *

That day, for all intents and purposes, could definitely be chalked up to a success. Well, as close to a success as the two of them had gotten, being in the presence of the other for an extended period of time, in recent memory. The fact that they were with the group, definitely helped aid the seamless existence. Because it was usually in moments spent alone, that emotion and need built a forcefield around them that they at times couldn't ignore. Sometimes it was obstinate.

But that day had been filled with nothing but genuine, positive energy and laughter. Nothing but smiles and sincerity. There hadn't even been any real bickering amongst the usual suspects. Everyone was lively, in good spirits and just happy to be where they were. There were several factors that contributed to this specific reality. One of which was that they weren't in Green Grove. The other was that it was Senior Ditch Day, a day that all of them had been waiting to arrive for what seemed like an eternity. Senoritis was kicking in on exponential levels and a day away from not only their school, but Green Grove in general, was a welcomed actuality.

They had decided to spend the day in New York City. The seven of them (plus Phoebe's new boyfriend) had piled into two cars, Jo's and Sarita's to make the trip without any specific plans in mind or an itinerary to follow. That had been a fruitful and well advised decision on all of their parts, except for Lacey's, who had complained about the lack of structure regarding the day's happenings, in the car while they were on the way. But it had proved to be a great and random idea, because they had strolled around the busy streets of the city, walking in and out of the strangest most random stores and coffee shops, had lunch at the cutest diner, that had french fries that would put Johnny Cake's to shame, and all in all enjoyed the bustled pace yet gentle unfolding of the day.

Danny, Lacey, Cole and Sarita now lazily strolled through an old records store. Jo, Rico, Phoebe and the boy Phoebe was dating, had all headed over to central park where the four of them would meet once they were done. Lacey flipped slowly and nonchalantly through the old vinyl records, some whose cardboard covers were so dated and archaic they were a bit faded and torn. She was still nursing something between a sugar high from the ice cream she hadn't even finished eating earlier, and the lingering buzz from the vodka Phoebe gave her. She found herself studying the cover images of the incredibly influential music of the 60s and 70s. A particular cover and artist's name caught her eyes as she pulled the record out of the crate that held dozens just like it.

Danny's eyes lifted from the row of records he was shifting through to gaze up at Lacey. What was meant to only be a slight, momentary, fleeting gaze turned into an unremitting one. Something about the expression on her face, or rather the knitting of her brows and far away concentration in her eyes, pushed him off his center of gravity a bit. It made him uneasy and slightly worried. He stopped what he was doing without a second thought and walked the short distance that separated them. He glanced at the record she had in her hand before speaking.

"What' s wrong?" Danny's voice came out in a low, comforting, hushed tone.

Lacey nearly jumped, as she knew he was close-by, but hadn't realized he was right next to her. Had he moved in that interval of time between when she saw the album and her mind had taken her down deep into her memories? What waited there wasn't necessarily something she wanted drudged up in the middle of a record store in New York City.

"Yeah, uh... I'm fine," Lacey said softly, unable to take her eyes off the record. She attempted to replace the current expression on her face with one that held less consternation.

"You thinking about getting that?" Danny questioned, referring to the record she was still holding, almost with too tight of a grip.

"No, I uh..." Lacey began, not sure where her words were going or what she wanted to say about the subject. "This just reminds me of being a little kid. My dad used to listen to this all the time. It just reminds me of him."

"Bad memories?" Danny questioned, his eyes flickering over the forlorn expression that lined her striking features, he felt himself being driven to soothe her, even if it wasn't advised or possible.

"Not bad," Lacey whispered, almost hearing the sound of Donny Hathaway's voice coming from her father's old record player. "They just feel different now in retrospect."

Danny physically wasn't able to impede what he did next. He reached out and with his entire hand, from the tips of his fingers to the heel of his palm, spanned the distance on her upper back between both her shoulder blades in a gentle, reassuring motion. He didn't have the capacity to see her visibly struggle with something and not aid her in some way. That was so far outside the realm of his ability that it seemed unfathomable to even suggest.

Cole and Sarita watched the moment that was taking place between the two from across the small store. The had both engaged in brief conversations about the many facets of that relationship and gave their own opinions on the matter. However their exchanges usually dissolved into their standard and patented bickering. Sarita being the snark queen she was, and Cole purposely trying to bait her or get under her skin. It was a funny game the two of them had been playing for the better part of 8 months.

"You think they'll ever figure it out?" Cole wondered aloud, as he tried to obstruct his stares while Sarita stood boldly looking in their direction.

"I don't know," Sarita mumbled under her breath. "Maybe this distance thing will be good for them. That is, if it even happens."

"He's not going to take it well," Cole bemused as he glanced over at the two once more. "He's already not taking it well."

"She won't either," Sarita admitted. "I don't think she truly realizes what it will be like yet though."

"Well they need to figure it out, that way we can go on double dates." Cole retorted matter of factly, grinning broadly at her.

"Pffft, yeah right." Sarita said with mock distain.

"Come on Sarita," Cole began in a sing song manner. "You know you want me to take you out on a date."

"Uh, in your dreams Farrell." Sarita said evenly, as she crossed her arms and straightened her back as she turned towards him.

"Yeah you're right, definitely in those." Cole remarked pointedly.

Before Sarita could make a proper and aptly delivered comeback to his words, Danny and Lacey had approached them.

"You guys ready for central park?" Danny asked the bickering twosome.

* * *

After a couple of hours of meandering around central park, chasing one another, laughing, telling jokes, and seeing the sights, they had essentially all wore themselves out. They were all proud that they could chalk the day up to a success, one that would have a special and fond place in their memories, when they looked back on it in the future. When piling themselves back into the two cars, Cole had opted to go in Jo's car instead of Sarita's, whom he had rode with at the beginning of the day. In doing so, Cole was using his all too blatant and familiar reverse psychology tactics, that had Danny chuckling and had Sarita reluctantly reacting despite herself. Sarita maintained that it made no sense for him to go in Jo's car, someone would have to sit in the middle and she would have to drive back to Green Grove while Phoebe and her boyfriend made out in the backseat. Cole loved the attention, and would have easily changed his mind in a heartbeat if Sarita had just admitted outright that she wanted him to go in her car, but she was too proud and stubborn and he was enjoying her reaction too much.

"It's fine," Cole said briskly, as if it didn't matter. "Lacey will just sit in the middle."

Lacey who was fighting off her own growing tiredness didn't verbally protest, even though she knew the person on the other side of her in the car would be Danny. Rico got claustrophobic and had to sit in the front sit or he got carsick. She just wanted them to all figure out who was riding with whom, so they could get home. Because the sooner they got home, the sooner she could crawl into her bed and pass out. Too much fun had been had and she was positively tuckered out.

It only took about two minutes for the decision to be made and then they were on the road. Lacey sitting in between Danny and Cole in the backseat, Rico in the front, as Jo drove the car her mother had gotten her as sort of an "I'm sorry" gift to her daughter after the divorce. For awhile the car was filled with sounds of the music playing and each of them recounting specific and important parts of the day. Things that made them laugh, the amazing ice cream they had, the different, unique architecture they encountered, how loud everything was and overall just how much fun the day had turned out to be. It had definitely been one for the record books.

It was 30 minutes into the car ride when relative silence had fell inside the vehicle, the only sound that could be heard was the low roar of the radio. Danny had been gazing out of his window and didn't realize the small shift that Lacey's body had made against the side of his own. All of a sudden so much more of her weight was pushing into him, as she subconsciously molded herself to his side. Danny turned his head towards her and realized that she had fallen asleep, her head propped lightly against his shoulder, almost as if she hadn't meant for it to happen, but in her sleep, that was its only option.

He loosened his belt a tad to better accommodate his movement as he angled himself more towards her as his arm came up behind her to encircle her against him. He hoped she was comfortable as she moved against him again in her sleep, her closed eyes not even fluttering. Danny watched her sleeping for a few moments. Feeling himself have multiple reactions, one on top of the other on top of the other, until he tried to quiet and still his mind enough to just encapsulate the way that she felt pressed against his side. It was a crime that even in the small space of the backseat of a car, their bodies still managed to fit as if they were designed to. Not even ten minutes later, Danny found himself slipping into sleep without even realizing he had closed his eyes.

Cole saw the whole thing out of the corner of his eye as he quietly used his phone. When both of them had been fast asleep for at least a couple of minutes. He leaned over to tap Jo on her shoulder. Jo's eyes left the road momentarily to look up in her rearview mirror to see who had tapped her. When her eyes met Cole's, she saw him pointing to the two people that were next to him. Jo glanced back at the road quickly and then into the rear view mirror at the two people that Cole was pointing to. Her eyes lit up and a sweet, appreciative and touched expression lined her features as she saw Danny and Lacey cuddled up in the backseat of her car sleeping.

"Take a picture," Jo half whispered, half mouthed to Cole.

Cole nodded and angled his body away from Lacey's and against the window as he snapped a couple of quick pics with his phone. The sleeping couple was none the wiser as both of them didn't even flinch. Jo briefly put her hand over her heart and smiled to herself at what was taking place. It made her happy and even a bit hopeful that such occurrences still happened between them. She knew there was probably a plethora of instances where something happened, or almost happened, between the two of them that she just wasn't privy to and if they didn't, then they should have been. Jo glanced over at Rico, who was also sleeping and fixed her eyes back on the road ahead of her.

Lacey knew she was asleep in the car, she could hear the faint music in the background of her sleep. She could also feel the way her seatbelt was digging uncomfortably into her side. She didn't want to fully wake up and adjust it or herself, she was too tired. And she also didn't want to obstruct the warmth that was currently surrounding her as she slept. It was a familiar, pronounced warmth. It was cascading and incalculable, like the continued unraveling of the cosmos. The discomfort in her side became too annoying as her eyes fluttered open and she took in her surroundings, she took a deep breath, trying to come back into reality with as much grace as possible, because she remembered where she was. Her eyes immediately latched onto the side of Danny's face. His angled jaw sprinkled with facial hair, long strands of hair in his face, his lengthy thick lashes almost grazing his cheeks, and she at once knew where the warmth was coming from. While a good portion of her body was leaned fully into and against him, his arm was wrapped around her and held her securely in place.

First instincts, being as they are, told her to panic, or to disengage. But that inclination was followed by another, more strongly based thought process that told her this was innocent. They were just sleeping. They were both tired, they were in the backseat of a car that wasn't very spacious and they were sleeping. It wasn't a big deal. She suddenly remembered who was around, and that momentarily caused her heart to jump in apprehension a bit. She glanced over at Cole who seemed to be completely engrossed in whatever it was he was doing on his phone. She looked up to see Jo totally zoned in on the road and Rico sleeping soundly next to her. She breathed a quick sigh of relief, and the pang of discomfort in her side reminded her why she had awoken to begin with. Adjusting her belt carefully, the best she could without moving too much, so as not to disturb Danny, she leaned further into him alleviating the pressure of the weird angle her body was in. She noticed that even her ankles were crossed tightly next to his own feet. A good portion of her body was aligned and anchored to his. His body was a pillar.

She put her head back on his shoulder, and her hand clutched his seatbelt low over his waist. Her eyes fluttered against their own want of sleep as she watched his slumber embrace him. Her chest tightened with a measureless quality, when she remembered the lack of sleep he'd been dealing with as of late. Her first thought was that she would gladly lay beside him, in his arms, just like this, if it meant he would actually sleep. If it would ease him to such a degree that rest would sweep in and immerse him. But she knew that was just wishful thinking talking. The two of them sleeping like this, in each others arms, couldn't happen outside of the realm they currently found themselves in. It would ruin her; she'd never leave. She could already feel herself stuck at the thought. So she pushed it out of her mind and let herself have the current moment in the expanse of time that they drove back to Green Grove. That would have to suffice. She was back asleep in seconds.

Some time later, Danny's sleepy eyes opened as he felt the car come to a full and complete stop. He heard Jo tiredly mutter something about them being at school as he looked around and noticed that they were, they had arrived back at Green Grove High. Lacey's sleeping form was still glued to him as it had been when she first feel asleep, although her positioning was a bit different. Her head was still on his shoulder, however now deeper inside the crux of his neck. He tightened his arm around her, as he brought his mouth to the side of her forehead and made a soft brush of his lips there. He breathed her in once more and muttered.

"Wake up, we're here."

**A/N: Thoughts? Feelings? Opinions?**


	12. It's Unlikely

Lacey sat propped up against the headboard on her bed with a textbook in her lap. She was studying relentlessly for a AP chemistry exam that she had at the end of the week. One that she was more than a little unprepared for. Her and Danny's study sessions had been sporadic, and no where near as prevalent as they had been in the past. If she was being truthful, she would have liked to spend more time studying with him, but more and more he either didn't want to or wouldn't make the time. Studying was a state of existence that she felt the most readily at ease with him. With textbooks, pens and the booth table at Johnny Cake's to separate them; it was a structural format that she could readily compartmentalize and deal with. It was a reality that helped her see and enjoy him, but also linked their dealings to something educational and purposeful. It was a necessary boundary. One that wasn't akin to sleeping in each other's arms in the backseat of a car.

She had tried a few times, to bring up his lack of direction and invisible plans post graduation to him, which was always met with the usual reaction. He still wouldn't allow her any leeway in that area. He still had no other answer for her regarding his future then the first time she had brought it up. It was jarring to her that he was so steadfast in his almost literal refusal to discuss it. Time and time again, she had tried to even gently suggest ideas to him, to which he'd change the subject or pointedly talk about not wanting to talk discuss it. Each time this would occur, she would be reminded of the very first time she had tried to bring it up and the stark realization that had washed over her, as the reasoning for his indifference lay in the depths of her own being. She felt the responsibility and the weight of that like a heavy anchor, one that she wanted to absolve herself of, but also revel in being that crucial to him. She had told herself that she couldn't and wouldn't be deterred, that California was where she was meant to go and that the doubt and uncertainty she felt was solely because of how enmeshed they were. Maybe distance was the only thing to successfully halt that fact. That thought alone made the reality all the more agonizing and perplexing.

She tried not to dwell on it too long, for fear of cataclysmic consequences.

Her concentration, or rather lack thereof, was halted when she heard a peculiar sound coming from her window. She straightened abruptly, feeling her chest tighten and her heart race, she closed her book and grasped it tightly in her hands in a split second, thinking that would have to make due as a weapon for protection against whoever was making noise on the outside of her window. She saw Danny's long, free flowing hair appear in the window and then his steady gaze a moment later. She felt herself both relax and become more concerned upon realizing it was only him. She cast him a pointed, exasperated look as she tucked her legs underneath herself and allowed her grip on her textbook to loosen. Danny opened the cracked window all the way so that he could easily slide through it into her room. Lacey audibly huffed and gave him an aporetic glare once he had fully entered.

"What the hell, Danny?" Lacey sighed with aggravation. "I almost threw my textbook at you."

"I would have ducked," Danny replied, with a small chuckle.

Lacey saw his eyes looking around her room inquisitively. She realized in that moment, why she had been so surprised to see him coming thru her window when the initial shock of his presence had subsided. He hadn't been in her room in quite some time. In fact, the last time she remembered him climbing the drain pipe on the side of the house was almost two years ago. Immediately following their breakup, he had made that trek about two times, which had resulted in a massive fight on one occasion and a tearfully profound make out on the other. Since then, he'd steered clear of her bedroom window, and had only been to her house sparingly, when Jo or someone else was present.

"Your room is different," Danny noted aloud as his eyes fell over the various changes she had made to her space since the last time he had been there. She saw his gaze stop directly on the acceptance letter she had gotten from UC Berkley that was displayed in the corner of her cork board.

"Yeah, some things are just phases." Lacey said willfully, putting proper emphasis on her words. Still a bit shocked and astonished that he was actually standing in her room. She half expected him to make some comment about her displayed acceptance letter, but he didn't. He kept his mouth shut and turned to face her once his brief exploration had ceased.

"And some things are unending." He countered loosely.

"Why are you here?" Lacey questioned, as she eyed him suspiciously. She suddenly became increasingly aware of how late it was and how potentially incomprehensible this interaction had the possibility of becoming.

"I need to talk to you about something." Danny responded thoughtfully.

"Something that couldn't wait until I saw you at school tomorrow, or that you couldn't just text me about?" Lacey prodded with skepticism. She suddenly wondered if something was seriously wrong, but he didn't seem terribly anxious or on edge or impatiently teetering on some unknown emotional precipice. He actually seemed rather calm and relaxed and not at all perturbed by whatever it was he had to say.

"No, it had to be in person, and it could've waited but I didn't want to," Danny said easily.

Lacey watched him as his eyes swept over her quickly. She shifted on the bed under his gaze and thought to attempt to look elsewhere but couldn't. The energy in the room wasn't necessarily uncomfortably frantic or incessant, even with his unannounced visit, but there was a certain conductivity that belied the moment. Even before whatever words he spoke sprang forth from his mouth.

She was rapidly aware of the reasons why her bedroom had since ceased being an appropriate realm for their interactions to take place.

"Alright so tell me," Lacey exclaimed as she studied him, watching the way he wavered on both of his feet, wondering if he'd close the little bit of space that separated himself from her bed. She finally relented and instructed him to move closer. "Just sit."

Danny sat on the bed, leaving a good amount of space between them. Lacey noted how far away he placed himself in relation to her own body and was silently thankful, as she unconsciously untucked one of her legs. She hoped that this encounter would be one without grand exhibition or lofty unmanageable immediacy. Although somewhere deep down inside she figured that was merely wishful thinking.

"Don't be upset," Danny muttered lightly under his breath.

Lacey saw his long fingers fiddle a stray piece of thread on her comforter. She instantly felt her stomach drop at his words. Clearly whatever was going to come out of his mouth next, had the ability to shake or rattle her. The sinking feeling that localized in her stomach spread throughout her body as the disclaimer that he uttered settled in her ears. She suddenly felt certain that she didn't want to have this conversation.

"Whatever it is, just say it." Lacey instructed, trying to infuse as much steadiness into her voice as possible.

"Amelia asked me to senior ball." Danny said gently. The expression on his face was virtually indistinguishable.

As soon as he had said her name, Lacey's heart dropped. When he had gotten out the entirety of his sentence, she felt all to familiar pin pricks of jealousy coat her skin like irritating jabs. Her breath got caught in her throat as she tore her eyes off of him, and tried desperately to reign in the visible reaction that she had already involuntarily given him.

"Did you say yes?" Lacey questioned directly, without looking at him.

Her heart was beating too fast and she was somehow suddenly keenly aware of his presence, and her need to substantiate it. The subject matter itself was borderline sickening. She quickly reminded herself that this was the place that she had so desperately tried to convince him that they belonged in. This area of friendship that involved them being involved with other people. This expanse where these conversations happened with fluidity and tranquility. She realized with great certainty that she was no where near that space herself. Even after always perpetually blaming him for his own inability to allow that existence, which forced herself to swallow her own enormous possessiveness towards him.

"I didn't say anything," Danny responded, his voice a calm respite to her internal whirlwind of negativity.

"Do you want to go with her?" Lacey asked, her voice slight and not at all even. She met his eyes briefly but couldn't hold them without feeling this overwhelming urge to showcase her sadness and growing desperation.

"I want to go with you." Danny said evenly. The hand that had been handling the lose thread on her comforter came dangerously close to her bare ankle. She felt the exquisite heat radiate from his fingers, and she had to physically prevent herself from angling her foot closer to it.

"Don't say that," Lacey muttered under her breath, her windpipe felt like it was constricting, and she had this decisive inclination to simultaneously hold him and hit him for uttering that line.

"Why?" Danny pondered aloud. "It's the truth."

"It's hard for us to deal in truths." Lacey said dejectedly. "Are you going to go with her?"

"I don't know." Danny answered honestly.

"Why did you come here at this time of night to tell me that?" Lacey exclaimed, feeling both rattled and upset. "Do you want my blessing or something?"

"I don't know," Danny offered again. "Could you give it? Because you know I couldn't give you mine."

Lacey suddenly was bombarded with images of what that would be like. Going to senior ball, the last big dance of her high school career and seeing him there with some other girl. No matter how much she professed to the fact that they both needed to move on from one another. The thought of what that night would be like felt undecipherable and painful to even entertain in her subconscious for more than a few seconds. The dances that fell during the last two years of their breakup were either not attended by him when she had a date, or attended in their close knit group when no one really did.

"I don't know," Lacey said truthfully, adopting his own words. She sometimes tried to act like she had all the answers to their emphatically complicated relationship, but knew that sometimes the reasons existed outside of herself. "I want you to be happy. Does she make you happy?"

Lacey wondered those words aloud, almost not meaning to ask him that question, but it fell out of her mouth accidentally. Her eyes slightly widened as she realized that she had actually said it. She saw Danny's expression change and his eyebrows furrowed and his head shook just barely. Whatever sense of relief she felt in that moment, she knew she had no right or honest claim to. She was supposed to be pushing him in the opposite direction. The more their convoluted relationship dangled delicately in the magnetic space which it incessantly dwelled, the more she doubted what she was doing.

"No," Danny added a verbal affirmation to her question.

Danny's fingers softly grazed and then tentatively wrapped around her ankle. Lacey didn't have the ability to form a verbal protest, so she simply allowed herself to get swept up in the literal spark his touch had generated, which proceeded to ascend the length of her leg. Before she knew what was what, she felt him tightening his grip on her ankle and pulling her entire body across the bed and closer to him.

Lacey felt her heart pounding as she hadn't cognitively realized when the energy in the room had shifted, though instinctually she felt it in her bones. But then again, it was always like that, their generated power always swung on a pendulum freely and sometimes transformed quickly and without proper warning. She felt herself practically melt into the feel of him as his tangible qualities harnessed her. She knew she only had a fraction of a second to disengage what was impending before it started to unravel too rapidly, but she couldn't locate the switch in her body to properly halt what was steadily progressing.

Danny had pulled her fully into him and Lacey couldn't differentiate from his magnanimous, overpowering eyes and meticulous touch enough to stop herself from reaching out to him. She ran her hands up his arms slowly, stunned by the capacity that his gaze held for asking and answering wordless questions.

"Don't go with her," Lacey whispered, finding it strange that in her current position, his earlier words about the other girl still lingered.

"Okay." Danny offered without hesitation or recourse, as if any other option wouldn't have made any sense.

One of Danny's hand spanned the length of the outside of her leg before resting on her hip, while the other one grasped her own hand on his arm. His fingers intertwined the back of hers as she took a deep breath and steeped in the sheer palpability of their exchange. Lacey felt herself not even actively attempting to stop herself or him, she just kept spiraling deeper into his physical form. Danny's hand left her hip to reach up and softly skim the side of her face.

"Come back to me," Danny said lowly. Lacey felt her stomach do a full flip at his words, it took her a moment to find her voice to respond.

"I can't," Lacey protested weakly, all the while physically edging herself closer to him.

"You can, you just won't," Danny reasoned evenly. "You just refuse."

Lacey didn't have a sufficient retort for those words, she also didn't want to withdraw herself from their current entanglement, even though she knew that she should. She was finding it increasingly challenging to maintain his blazing eye contact. Sometimes she felt like he looked at her as if her first name was forever. Before she could decipher the action, he closed the space in between their mouths as he captured her lips with his.

Every single one of Lacey's senses stood on its end, as his lips gently hesitated against hers, staying slight and not applying enough pressure. She brought her hands up on either side of his face and angled herself deeper against his mouth. Lacey sighed as she felt his lips prod hers slowly, taking his time tasting her mouth with deliberative, pristine movements. Lacey's hands shifted onto his neck and under the backside of his hair, her fingers languishing in the soft, long locks. She secured her arms around his neck and deepened the slow and tortuous pace he seemed so keen on staying at. His tongue slipped between her lips expertly, as she clutched at his shoulders and brought him closer. Lacey fell backwards, which brought him toppling onto her, their mouths never disconnecting.

Lacey's first thought when his body landed on top of hers was that she missed the weight of him. The feeling of his body pressed so deliciously and precisely into hers. She missed the all encompassing and finite way his body sunk into hers. How they melded and bended effortlessly and without even trying to. How the give and take of their bodies naturally filled the spaces and voids that the other had. She missed him on purpose. Missed how he made her feel, missed how much she came alive underneath his hands.

Even when it terrified her.

The second thing that was emboldening Lacey's actions in that moment as Danny lay on top of her was the name he had mentioned. She was thinking about how she never wanted to imagine anyone else in that position, anyone else below him; the weight of him permeating any other body that wasn't hers. Just hearing that Amelia had asked him to go to senior ball with her sent her mind into a literal downward spiral. Her mind suddenly went blank as his mouth oscillated deliciously against her own, and her breath was being legitimately taken away as she relished their own marvelous design. The final thing that began ticking against her skull was how she felt certain she wasn't going to stop him at all. This was going to keep unraveling until there was nothing there but her and him and their shuddering breath. She felt his strong capable hands against her bare waist, as her t-shirt rode up.

She briefly wondered if they could feasibly keep this up until she left for college. But even that seemed unmanageable. None of their options ever seemed properly sufficient.

Danny pulled his mouth from hers and trailed kisses down her chin and across her jaw as Lacey took a much needed breath, she felt her chest heaving against his for want of both air and what was so exquisitely restricting it.

"I miss you," Danny mumbled against her skin, between his mouth performing its grand display of just how much he meant those words. "I miss you so much."

She couldn't find her voice box to properly return his proclamation with her own. Though she very much shared that same sentiment. Sometimes she missed him so much that she had to remove herself from his presence or his company, because she couldn't exist with him the way she so ardently wanted to. She was always failing so miserably when it came to him and her, after months of fake progress, and this was further evidence that their situation was a dire and unrestricted one.

"Are you and I ever going to end?" Lacey mumbled, halfway pleading. She stifled a moan as he ran his teeth against her collarbone.

"It's unlikely." Danny said brazenly as his mouth latched onto the most sensitive part of her throat.

Lacey felt a distinct and familiar jolt between her legs, as she bore her hips down into the bed and squeezed her thighs tightly together. The boy shorts that she wore underneath her long oversized t-shirt were on full display, and the way his hands were caressing and spanning her stomach and waist was winding her further up as she used her hands to usher his face back towards her own. She kissed him with a vigor and intent that was unparalleled, it was as if she couldn't get enough of the way he tasted and his body and the gloriously familiar smell that rolled off him along with his movements. He smelled like sandalwood and warmth and so diabolically male, it was intoxicating. Sometimes she would notice his scent in the most ordinary and innocent circumstances and find her mind start to jump and wander. There was rarely any safe space for her thoughts of him. Things turned desperate and downright debilitating more than she would like, or care to admit.

Lacey sucked his bottom lip in her mouth and heard him groan. She reached her hand between their bodies and palmed his growing hard-on thru his jeans, causing his hips to roll against her hand. After a few more moments of this, she felt him remove her hand and then proceed to grasp both of her wrists with his fingers while applying gentle pressure to her pulse points. He then took her arms and pinned them above her head. Her eyes were a bright shining blaze of wonder and excitement and a little bit of confusion as he broke their heightened and tumultuous kiss.

"Just you," Danny said breathlessly, holding her wrists firmly with one hand and letting the other roam down her legs and in between her thighs, both eliciting goosebumps and setting her skin on fire wherever his fingers touched. "Let me just focus on you."

Lacey could feel her already raggedy breath ricochet improperly in her lungs. Her hips lurched forward and a whimper escaped her parted lips when his hand fastened firmly against her center. The way he was handling her was so invigorating; she felt her wetness gather and span at the crotch of her underwear. She felt him grip the top of her boy shorts and slide them over her hips and down her legs, all the while not letting go of her wrists. His two fingers came back toward her center and ran over the slick folds of her sex and slowly teased her opening. Lacey felt a moan form in the back of her throat and she tried to suppress it but it left her lips with the next unexpected movement of his fingers, which focused on her sensitive nub.

"Shhhh," Danny said gruffly, his vocal chords laden with his own arousal and even a hint of desperation. "You have to be quiet. You'll wake your mom and Clara."

Lacey felt her hips buck further into his hand when he mentioned those two people. She prayed and hoped against all hope that they were both fast asleep and didn't plan any unexpected, unannounced visits into her room. She bit her lip to try to withhold another moan that was threatening to spill out and fill the room. Lacey felt her bodies hyperactive response to his ministrations increase and before she could say anything, his mouth covered her own and he swallowed the entirety of her withheld moan. He kissed her with a painstakingly thorough exactitude. She suddenly had an overpowering urge to touch him that she couldn't satiate because of how he was holding her wrists. She felt his fingers quicken their pace over her wet core. A minute later two of his long fingers entered her slowly, and his mouth left hers as his eyes caught her gaze and she felt herself on the edge of the culmination of her own pleasure and desire.

"Oh my God," Lacey gasped, she felt her jaw clench and her muscles in her lower body start to activate as the sensation became borderline overwhelming. "Shit."

Lacey wanted so desperately to keep looking at his face but felt like she needed to close her eyes. Everything was starting to spin and her muscles were constraining and firing off. She felt like her climax was right on the other side of the next couple of seconds. All the tall tell signs were right there. She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated on the feeling that was building and building in the pit of her stomach and between her legs. Right as the crippling bliss began to rumble, she felt herself gasp and her eyes shot open.

Lacey sat upright in her bed, her covers strewn every which way, and her body with a light sheen of sweat coating it. Her heart was racing and her mind a big jumbled mess as her eyes felt heavy with sleep, and she frantically looked around her suddenly pitch black room for Danny, but he wasn't there. Her focus immediately went to her window which was securely closed and locked.

Lacey was chock full of complete disbelief as she fell back onto her bed, trying to regulate her breath and slow her churning heartbeat. She couldn't believe that had been a dream. She refused to believe it, when her entire body was reacting like Danny had been touching and kissing her. She was literally throbbing and aching between her legs. She was so discombobulated and confused as she looked around her room once more.

She was alone, she had been alone the entire time and everything that had just taken place was an elaborate figment of her imagination. She'd never heard of 18 year old girls having anything akin to a wet dream, but that was definitely what she would have described that experience as. Both supremely frustrated and wound up, she put her hands over her face, sunk into her bed and tried not to revisit the images still swimming in her head, and the sensations that accompanied them.


	13. Loose Ends

**A/N: I've gotten a handful of reviews regarding this stories amount of angst, as well as the pacing and progression. I'm just going to address this really quickly by saying that there was a bolded disclaimer and warning regarding the level of angst in this story, at the beginning of the first chapter. Also, this story is incredibly detailed based and reliant on the internal musings and dialogue of both Lacey and Danny. Please remember that this is two years in the future, so the complicated nature of their relationship is exasperated by what took place in those two years, what happened in the five years Danny was in juvie, along with what is happening in their lives currently, and where they find themselves as high school comes to a close. That's a lot of ground to cover and everything that has been incorporated thus far is important, nothing is superfluous. **

**There is no question that these two characters have been through hell both emotionally and psychologically, so this kind of drama and angst is not at all outside of the realm of possibility or disingenuous. The way I'm choosing to write their feelings, decisions, behaviors, and reactions to one another is all contingent on both their history and the persistently profound feelings they have. With that said, I realize that this subject matter isn't for everyone, nor does everyone enjoy two characters they love, and want to see together, struggle so perpetually, wondering if it will ever be fully realized. If you feel like this story isn't for you, or the way I'm choosing to convey it is unsavory, please by all means discontinue reading. I assure you I am not offended, everything isn't for everybody. **

**To those who continue to read and leave wonderful, helpful, kind, encouraging feedback, I am forever grateful and thankful for your interest and the time you take to both read and review. Thank you for the continued support.**

* * *

Danny sat quietly, eyes planted firmly on the part of the doctor's desk that formed the edge, the dark wood drooping harshly, as the end of it ran its course and was bluntly caressed by the cool air of the AC that filled the room. He breathed deeply as he noted the structural integrity of that specific piece of office furniture. He couldn't recall if he'd ever paid much attention to it before that moment, but he found himself always taking account of some random item within his view, every time he sat down in that chair, awaiting Dr. Wright's entrance and their appointment. He wasn't exactly sure what had spurred on this tactic, but he subconsciously knew it was a coping technique that he used to quell whatever anxiety would appear if he just sat in his own thoughts, silently anticipating what that particular session would entail. So he'd devised a bit of a system to relax himself and divert his mind elsewhere. So whether it was the artwork, the paperweights on her desk, the two pictures she showcased of what he assumed to be her kids and husband, or the specific way her desk seemed to be fashioned, it helped him think of anything other than what their conversations would consist of, and what would be revealed or the dialogue that would be had.

Although, all things considered, Danny was in a more comfortable and calmer state as a whole when he was in her office, and even more so when he was in her presence. But the knowledge of what he would be asked to talk about and what she would attempt to get him to reveal, was an unnerving and desperately haunting task for his mind to deal with. The agreement he had made with her that she could ask two questions regarding topics he had no desire to talk about; things that he didn't believe to be inherently rooted to his issues with Lacey, loomed dangerously in his consciousness.

The more he thought about it, the more he was unsure.

He found solace in the fact that he could answer the questions as vaguely and minutely as possible. He knew that may not give the doctor the information she'd prefer, but he'd not yet seen her react negatively when he applied resistance or pushed back. She was a true professional through and through.

Maybe he'd get to a point where the thought of some of those memories, that she wished to pluck from his history and his mind, didn't scald him like boiling water. Didn't make him feel like a collapsed lung or like broken pieces of glass.

Dr. Wright walked into her office with a leisurely and casual pace, breaking through Danny's trance as he looked up at her and the thoughts of dark wood, and being a complete degenerate, leaked out of his mind. She gave him a even, calm look; something on her lips that resembled a smile came forth, but she wouldn't quite commit to such an expression. Her hair, which she usually wore up, or had been all the times he had seen her previously, was cascading down her back. Her eyes were kind and unassuming. She looked rested and even-keeled. Danny silently wondered how she maintained such a temperament, when she undoubtedly listened to people's deepest, darkest agonies every day for hours on end.

How did she juggle other people's pains and still remain so steady and slight, yet so capable? He thought he'd ask her one of these days.

"How's school?" The doctor asked as she sat down, her voice light and airy. She asked almost in the way a relative you hadn't seen in awhile would ask it, but not as intrusively.

"School?" Danny questioned, his eyebrows furrowing as his gaze pinned her.

"Yes, school. Your classes," Dr. Wright went on. "How are they? You've only got a couple more months right?"

"Yeah," Danny replied loosely. His stomach dropping, as the amount of time being mentioned immediately frazzled him. Time was of the essence, and he felt like he had less and less of it as the days went on. Probably because he did. "Classes are okay. They're whatever."

"Hmm, whatever." The doctor repeated his word usage, even adopting a hint of his tone. "Have you given any thought to what you want to do after graduation?"

"No, not really." Danny mumbled. The line of questioning seemed so familiar, that he felt almost as if he was experiencing deja vu.

"Don't you think that's something important you should consider?" The psychiatrist propositioned firmly.

"Are you sure you and Lacey aren't talking behind my back?" Danny openly joked, his mouth upturning in a slight, fleeting smirk, his voice half way between a sigh and a chuckle.

"So it's something that concerns her as well?" Dr. Wright posed, as she picked up her pen and started her neat and orderly scribbling.

"Yeah, it's almost her favorite topic lately," Danny breathed deeply, as he fidgeted with the side of his jacket and leaned back in his chair. "I think it makes her feel better, trying to give me some fake direction. Like she's doing some type of service or handling something important that she's not going to be here for. Almost like I'm a loose end, and if she ties me up just right, I won't fall apart when she's gone."

"It's telling that she cares so much about where you end up and what you do." Dr. Wright offered directly.

"Is it?" Danny questioned pointedly. "I just think it's a neutral spot that she can focus her energy towards."

"Why the lack of a plan? There must be something that you want to do after high school."

"I want to be with Lacey, or simply around her even. I want her to be in my life." Danny replied with precision, his voice even and unwavering, his eyes decisive. "But that's not possible. She made that decision."

"So because she's moving across the country you don't have a desire to form a secondary plan for your own future? For your own life?" Dr. Wright pondered aloud, writing her notes neatly and rapidly.

"No, not at all." Danny admitted as he breathed, feeling a bit of agitation creep up his spine. "Any option that doesn't include her is bleak by default. I'm not even really concerned about figuring out what I'll do after it's all said and done. I'm more worried about how I'll deal."

"How do you think she feels about your lack of concern or disregard of your own future?" The doctor questioned him, fixing her gaze on him as she looked up from her meticulous note taking. "Especially when she has hers planed out by contrast? Do you think it's something she took into consideration?"

"You mean, do I think she's refusing to be with me because I don't have a post graduation agenda?" Danny almost scoffed at the suggestion. They had issues ingrained so much deeper than Danny's indifference towards college. "It's much more than that. Me having a plan or having direction wouldn't change her mind. A huge part of my apathy on the matter is directly in response to her decision to go to California in the first place. And I think she knows that."

"That's a huge responsibility to thrust on the shoulders of a 18 year old girl." Dr. Wright explained openly to him.

"It's involuntary," Danny explained, after pausing for a moment to let the doctor's words mix with his comprehension. "I can't imagine what it will be like without her here, let alone actively plan what I'll be doing when the time comes. I don't know how I'll cope, will I just shut down? That's why I'm here."

"You have experience with shutting down," Dr. Wright suggested knowingly. That could have been a question but she didn't pose it as such.

"Yeah," Danny sighed as he ran his hands over his face and look a raggedly breath. He rubbed his right eye and brushed a few strands of hair out of his face. "I've been shutting down for most of my life."

"That's no way to truly exist," The doctor offered evenly. "I want you to know that it's possible to stand on your own two feet solidly, even if she isn't beside you. Even if she's across the country."

"I don't know," Danny muttered, his voice cracking. The image that the doctor's words brought forth in his mind, was enough to make his head throb and his hands tremble a bit. He wasn't in the mental space where he could think about her absence without having a distinctly visceral reaction, as if it was happening in that moment, and not in the future.

The sheer weight of apprehension was crushing him.

"You two broke up two years ago, is that correct?" Dr. Wright posed after studying and absorbing the way the young man's body language had shifted. She was on a nerve, she could tell, and it was only going to get more tedious.

"Yeah." Danny said simply, absentmindedly tapping his finger against the side of his chair.

"What caused the break up?" The psychiatrist probed.

"It's complicated," Danny sighed, as he thought back to when she had ended things almost two years prior.

"Of course it is, all the defining things are." The doctor added comfortingly.

"In a nutshell, she wanted me to open up to her in ways that I couldn't. She got scared, I got scared. We couldn't handle it, we were 16." Danny mumbled as the memories came flowing back into his head.

"Do you think you'd be any better at handling it now at 18?" Dr. Wright asked, her own opinion regarding the answer to that question was present in her tone.

"That's a good question." Danny supposed, his jaw tightening and his eyes turning a bit hazy.

"It's one you should definitely examine." She stated in a matter-a-fact fashion as she watched him. "Let's shift the subject matter a bit. What can you tell me about your time in juvie?"

Those words acted like a raised crack that you don't see in the pavement when you're walking, and subsequently trip over because you were so immersed in something else. So unsuspecting of something that could drastically alter your balance and reasoning, even if only for the split second when your footing is lost, and you either frantically search for it in that moment, or you succumb to gravity and circumstance, and fall.

"Is that question 1 of 2?" Danny muttered as he cleared his throat. Swallowing suddenly seemed like an arduous task.

"Yes." The psychiatrist offered simply, unaltered by his lack of an immediate answer.

"It was terrible. It was lonely. It wasn't a good place." Danny answered her, after a moment of deciding which words he could use to describe the worst five years of his life, without painting too detailed of a picture. Without evoking some of the worst memories he had the displeasure of still holding in his consciousness.

Without drudging up the iniquities and vile happenings of such an experience.

"How were you received by others when you first arrived?" Dr. Wright inquired carefully.

Her question was such a specific one that it made Danny's shoulders immediately go rigid, as his eyes flicked over her face in an attempt to make sure he had heard her correctly. He felt his heart sink deep into his chest and his foot start to incessantly tap against the piece of carpet underneath his heel. If he didn't know any better, he'd say that she knew to ask that question because of something in a file, by one of the previous psychiatrists he had visited. But the problem with that line of thinking was that he'd never disclosed what he'd endured during those first months of being in juvie.

He'd never told a single soul.

And yet, there she was putting specific and pointed emphasis on what his experience was when he'd first arrived. His face became warm as he tugged at the bottom of his neck and the front of his henley.

"I uhh... I..." Danny muttered, not able to get the words out fully, and not completely certain that he even should.

After all, she'd said he could be as vague as he wanted to be in his answers. So then why did he have such a sudden and acute need to be unflinchingly honest and direct, with the truth of what it had really been like for him? Dr. Wright sat in complete silence, waiting patiently for him to form and deliver whatever words were struggling to escape his throat.

"I was eleven. I was too green, too naïve, too good, for lack of a better word, considering what I did to land there in the first place. But I was all of those things in comparison to the guys that were there, or who had been for a long time." Danny got out the words as best he could, taking sharp gulps of air as the memories overtook him. "I got the shit kicked out of me every day for six months, until I learned how to fight back."

* * *

Lacey studied the blonde girl in front of her, as she lightly drummed her fingers against her side of the booth and chewed on the inside of her mouth. She was contemplating telling Jo what was plaguing her mind and imagination for the past week ceaselessly, seemingly in an almost perpetual state. The dreams she had been having were so terribly convincing and encompassing. She normally had a very active subconscious, so she was used to her fair share of random dreams, but nothing could compare to the dreams she'd been having recently. What made the occurrences worse and all the more alarming was that they all involved Danny. In every single one he played an integral role. And even if her projection or image of him wasn't in the dream, it would still mysteriously end up being about him by the time she woke up.

She had even gone so far as to expect to dream about him, so that when she awoke, she wouldn't be shocked, or disappointed or mortified. She tried to train herself to realize when she was really dreaming and not in reality, but it never worked. The dreams were vivid and tangible. She had experienced dreams that felt dangerously real in the moment before, but nothing could prepare her for what she was now dealing with on a nightly basis.

It would have been one thing if all the dreams were vaguely positive or borderline rewarding. But they weren't, at least not as a whole. The scenarios which he visited her in every night, once she fell asleep, really ran the gambit.

It was terrifying and elusive and painfully inhibiting.

It wasn't as if he already didn't have an abiding residence in her heart and mind, but now he also invaded her subconscious at her most vulnerable. When she was asleep and she had no choice but to be swept up in the whirlwind of feelings and emotions that each specific dream brought forth. It was an exhausting state to be in. Every morning she woke with a start, and sometimes she woke in the middle of the night, when something in her dream sent her catapulting into reality.

This new current state of affairs regarding her subliminal thoughts had her on edge. She'd even attempted to spend more time with Robbie in an effort to have some other subject matter to think about. Even if as a distraction.

The dreams made part of her want to run further away from Danny out of sheer confusion and paramount fear, the other part of her yearned to just run towards him and check to make sure he was alright. Especially whenever the dreams were confoundedly negative, as if to affirm the state of her dreams wasn't some sort of prophetic mishap.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Lacey quipped up, interrupting the relative silence that had fallen over the particular part of the diner where they sat.

"Yeah, of course," Jo said seriously, looking up from her textbook. "What's up?"

"It's nothing really," Lacey began nervously, as she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I just think that maybe if I verbalize it or talk it out, I'll make some sense of it."

"What is it?" Jo prodded, feeling herself get oddly worried at how anxious and out of sorts her friend seemed.

"I've been having these dreams lately, and they're really starting to freak me out." Lacey breathed as she crossed her arms around her, almost as a way to ward off the chill that came over her body when she mentioned it.

"Dreams about what?" Jo whispered under her breath, her attention held captive by the body language that Lacey was emitting, coupled with the expression on her face. Jo's eyes widened as she waited for her friend to answer her and assuage some of her growing concern.

"About Danny." Lacey sighed dejectedly, almost as if she had lost some contest she had no idea she was competing in.

Jo's blue eyes softened and a slight smile crept onto her face as she put down her pencil and leaned back on her side of the booth, she even crossed her arms to mirror Lacey's bodily display of irritation, though the expression on her face told a different story as her eyes gleamed.

"Yeah well I guess sleeping all hugged up in the backseat of a car will do that to a person." Jo teased.

"No, that has nothing to... no it's not... you saw that?" Lacey stammered, she suddenly felt silly. Because it hadn't been that big of a deal. Or at least she had told herself it wasn't.

"Lacey, are you kidding me?" Jo said softly, with keen incredulity lining her expression. "I was driving, I wasn't blind."

"Well anyways," Lacey said dismissively, attempting to change the subject. "That was nothing, and has nothing to do with it. I started having them before that even happened."

"What kind of dreams are they?" Jo questioned after studying her friend's demeanor once more. Lacey's face was pensive, her eyebrows were knitted together and she held her mouth in a fixed tight line.

"Just really odd, disconcerting ones... e-except for one which was... uh, unexpected." Lacey muttered, tripping over her own words, as she thought about the incredibly explicit nature of one of the dreams she'd had.

"Unexpected how?" Jo pressed on for details.

"Okay, you can't judge me." Lacey said lightly as she sighed, images of that specific dream dancing in her mind.

"Judge you?" Jo said surprisingly. "I'm not gonna judge you, you seem genuinely freaked out."

"One of them was a sex dream," Lacey mumbled under her breath. If Jo hadn't been paying close attention, she wouldn't have even heard what she said.

"A sex dream?" Jo's eyes widened, as she gasped the words much too loudly.

"Really, Jo?" Lacey shrieked under her breath. "Can you refrain from telling the entire diner?"

"Like a full on sex dream?" Jo asked in a much more subdued, lowered tone.

"Not full on, but it was enough," Lacey said as she covered her cheeks in embarrassment, she felt her face getting flushed just at the thought. "I almost..."

Lacey trailed off her words, as her hand gestured in such a way that gave Jo the distinct impression of what she was about to say.

"You did not." Jo said in complete disbelief. "You almost came? While you were fast asleep?"

"Yeah," Lacey nodded stoically. Almost as if they weren't discussing the delightful subject of orgasms.

"That's wild." Jo exclaimed in shock, after a moment of silence. "That sounds like what guys have to deal with."

"I know!" Lacey retorted with astonishment. "That's what I was thinking. I didn't even know girls could have those."

"Well consider yourself lucky," Jo teased gently.

"Ugh, I'm not though. I'm not lucky," Lacey sighed as her mind returned back to the details of that particular dream, and she felt her stomach drop. "It was so real, Jo. I mean, all of them are incredibly real and I'm convinced they are, right up until I wake up in my bed completely disoriented and confused. I also don't forget any single detail of any of them. These dreams don't fade at all. It's like they're laser imprinted in my skull and I can't shake them. I don't want to keep dreaming about him like this."

"What are the other ones about exactly?" Jo questioned as her eyebrows furrowed. "You said they were disconcerting?"

"Yeah, they're scary." Lacey replied, her voice wobbling, as she ran a hand quickly through her hair. "I wake up in a panic like something happened to him. I had one about him getting into a bad motorcycle accident. I thought that one was just a fluke because I have been worried about him and those motorcycles, so I shrugged it off thinking maybe I was projecting, but different frightening scenarios keep happening. I had one that was almost identical to when we were eleven and the cops came and took Danny away to question him. Except we were in some random warehouse and it was present time, and I knew he was innocent of whatever they thought he did. I was screaming my head off but they wouldn't listen. I woke up and Clara was standing over me worried sick."

"Are you being separated from him in all of these scenarios that you dream about, or most of them?" Jo asked after silently pondering Lacey's words and their weight, before questioning her further.

"I mean, I guess." Lacey mumbled, as she absorbed the blonde girl's point. "I don't really know what separation has to do with it."

"It has everything to do with it, Lacey." Jo sighed, as she watched her friend positively stewing in her heightened discomfort and doubt. "Because there will be a separation. Because you're leaving."

"Ugggghhhh," Lacey let out an audible groan as she covered her face with her hands in complete frustration at Jo's claims. "Why does this have to be about that? Why can't I just have some peace? Why can't I just move away to college like so many other people do? Why can't I choose this for myself? Shouldn't I be able to? I love you. I love our friends, but I don't want Green Grove."

"What are you trying to prove, Lacey?" Jo asserted gently as she offered her friend a firm yet loving expression. "That you're able? That you're so strong and so courageous? You've already proven that time and time again. You're one of the strongest people I know. So if you want California, then fine. But don't want it for the wrong reasons. Don't want it just to prove to yourself that you can. Because I know you can. You may be miserable, but you'd solider through it just on principle alone. If you want California, want it for real, don't want it as a means of escape or to run or to justify something."

Lacey sat in silence, letting what Jo had just said resonate in her mind and in her very being, as she fought against her own initial reaction to refute or argue what her friend had surmised. She didn't want to have this conversation about California and what her leaving actually meant and why she was truly making the decisions she had made. This wasn't about that. She just wanted to stop the dreams.

She just wanted both her conscious and subconscious mind to give her a bit of a break, some rest even.

"Does he talk to you about Amelia at all?" Lacey quipped up after several more moments of silence. Not even knowing when Amelia had even entered into her thoughts, as she changed the subject off of herself, her choices and her dreams.

Jo tilted her head and narrowed her eyes as she cast a very specific and obvious look at her friend.

"What are you doing?" Jo wondered aloud, loosely throwing her hands up, as she slightly shook her head. "You really want to do that? First you're dreaming about him and now you want to ask about the girl he's spending time with? Why Lacey?"

"I just... I'm worried. I'm concerned, okay?" Lacey said vehemently. "You and I are both gonna be gone and he's gonna be here, doing God knows what. I just want somebody to look after him."

"And you want that somebody to be her?" Jo inquired seriously, though her inflection seemed doubtful.

"I don't know how to answer that." Lacey sighed, as she squeezed her eyes shut and tiredly pinched the bridge of her nose.


	14. I'm Not Like You

Lacey was a million miles away. She actually felt herself sinking deeper into her thoughts, as she actively attempted to zero in on the words of the young man who was walking beside her. She would find herself forgetting about the impenetrable unease, and discomfort she had been feeling since her dreams had started happening, only sporadically. Never did anything serve as that great of a distraction. When she wasn't at school, she found herself in constant search of any activity that would assuage her mind. She'd been frequenting more of Clara's gymnastic practices than usual, in the past she'd mostly only attend meets. She'd plan cute little girl's evenings with herself and her mom. She'd even started going to the gym, in hopes that the treadmill would alleviate some of the continual stress and pressure she felt inching further up her being.

All of these tactics, though well intentioned, did nothing to fully relieve her from the sheer rapid storm that raged on in her mind. What made it so exhausting and consuming, was that it seemed like such a endless cycle.

When she was asleep she'd dream of him, when she was awake, she'd think about the dream and what it meant.

It was as if there was no actual escape from the disorderly corners of her mind. There was also Jo's words that she'd pondered and replayed countless times, since they had discussed Lacey's dreams a couple of nights ago, while studying at the diner. Jo was usually incredibly upfront about her own opinions regarding the relationship between her and Danny. But she had been downright unyielding and steadfast in her complete analysis of Lacey's choices to leave, and how that could possibly be connected to her dreams of Danny. Not to mention the specific sphere the two of them always seemed to find themselves in. All that Lacey knew, was that she needed some semblance of peace soon, because the internal intermingling of her thoughts and dreams had started to impede her rationality.

Seeing him at school made it worse. Since the backseat sleeping incident, their interactions had been while not stressed or awkward, a bit slight and not at all in depth. It had turned into a bit of a surface state of dealings between the two of them, and she wasn't really sure who had initiated such an overt and obvious shift in their relationship. It wasn't at all surprising, following most moments of accidental adjacency, there was always a bit of a reset that took place. But it was usually on her end, and it often included her distancing herself from him. This time, that wasn't the case. She wasn't actively or purposefully existing outside of his natural orbit nor was she ignoring him. But there was a unmistakable reshaping taking place. It was almost mutual. He wasn't seeking her out in ways that he had before. They would talk as normal, they would sometimes even joke, but most of their interactions took place with others in the immediate vicinity, or without the unspoken urgency that often inherently governed their exchanges.

It was as if they were still subconsciously circling each other in that ingrained, indescribable manner, but from a few more feet away than usual. Perhaps in their minds, it made a collision less likely; or maybe, in reality, it only made it more compulsory.

"Lacey," came the voice who had been steadily talking, as she had been getting further wrapped up in her thoughts. "Lacey..."

"Yeah," Lacey's head snapped up to cast a brief look at the tall person walking alongside her. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked you what movie you wanted to see?" Robbie clarified as their pace slowed. They were walking toward the movie theatre, at Robbie's suggestion because it was such a nice evening. As they slowed she suddenly realized they were standing near the entrance of Johnny Cakes. She felt a strange sensation, dissimilar to the one she was already experiencing on account of her internal musings.

"Oh," Lacey responded lightly, waving a hand briefly as if to signify indifference. "I'll see whatever. You pick."

Lacey continued to walk on, feeling anxious at their particular location. She started to feel uneasy and almost as if something disastrously imminent was waiting for her. She tried to shrug off the feeling, attempting to chalk it up to her frazzled nerves and state of mind. She slowed her quickened pace when she realized Robbie hadn't fallen in step alongside her. She stopped and turned around to face him as he looked at her with a pensive, yet kind expression.

"What's going on?" He questioned gently as she retraced her steps, until she had receded back into his vicinity.

"What do you mean?" Lacey questioned lightly, her brown eyes searching his swiftly.

"You're a million miles away." Robbie explained slowly, no real inflection in his tone. A mere gentle observation.

"I know," Lacey nodded, as she reached out for his hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. After deciding she wasn't going to refute his claim but instead be forthcoming, or as much so as the moment required, she took a deep breath and offered him a small smile. "I've just been stressed out lately. It's silly. You've been so great about my little moods, my nerves are just a bit shot is all. It'll pass."

"Why don't you try talking to me about it?" He offered generously, tapping the side of her chin gently with his finger.

"I can handle it," Lacey pressed on lightly. Her expression imploring him to relent. "I'm a strong girl."

"I know that," Robbie offered, turning his hand in hers, which was still latched on to his fingers. "But it may help, you never know."

"It won't help," Lacey said evenly, though her voice was filled with a gratitude that was evident.

She smiled warmly at him as an almost habitual instinct made her eyes leave his with brevity and glance over his shoulder. What her gaze landed on made a lump form in her throat, and her heart ram almost violently against her ribcage. Lacey took a deep breath and instantly released the grasp she had on Robbie's hand as Danny approached the twosome. His eyes never left hers as he walked with an unavoidable purpose within his gait. Lacey cleared her throat and dropped her head for a moment, as she summoned whatever internal power and courage that was absolutely pertinent in dealing with whatever was about to transpire.

Lacey heard the beginnings of words come out of Robbie's mouth before he stopped short, feeling the presence of someone who have infringed themselves into their space. He turned slightly and his eyes immediately fell on Danny's, who had shifted his keen attention from Lacey to the unfamiliar young man in her company. Lacey's eyes quickly darted between the two of them as she watched them silently size each other up, the way that males often do, whether subconsciously or otherwise, in situations they deem a contest. She silently racked her brain for how on earth she was going to navigate the space she currently found herself in.

"Danny, hi..." Lacey offered loosely, trying to convey the enthusiasm present when you see an old friend.

"Lacey." Danny said plainly. He uttered her name as both an acknowledgement and a full sentence, all while regretting to look at her, as his eyes were trained on Robbie.

"Hey man, it's nice to meet you," Robbie offered in a friendly tone after a pause, as he extended his hand. Robbie realized that he would have to be the one to attempt at eliminating the obvious tension in the air. It wasn't lost on him how Lacey seemed zeroed in on the young man in front of him. Or how the look on her face read a specific, yet unreadable type of emotion.

Danny almost felt like his insides were turning into a jumbled mess, as his mind shifted through what his eyes had stumbled upon as he was walking. He had seen her and the man whom he didn't recognize almost instantly and his first reaction was basic confusion, which then turned to doubt, then to jealousy, closely followed by anger and heartbreak. All emotions that his body didn't readily deal with in a manner that was conducive to his well being.

Now as he stood in front of this guy he didn't even know, who was spending time with the girl who meant more to him than anyone, he felt like his vital organs were turning almost inside out.

He felt his palms itch and his fingers almost twitch against the desire to clench his fist. He felt his jaw lock in place as he kept his uncertain hands by his side.

"Is it?" Danny asked Robbie, his voice steady, a vast contradiction to his jumbled inner workings.

"Where are you headed, Danny?" Lacey interjected swiftly, before Robbie could give a verbal retort to Danny's words. She tried to set a neutral expression on her face as she felt her eyes wordlessly imploring him to look at her. He wouldn't budge though, as he felt the immensity of her gaze sear the side of his face.

"Who me?" Danny answered after letting the silence around her question settle. He tried to relax his jaw, so as not to speak through gritted teeth. "Just walking. Getting some air."

"Yeah we had the same idea," Robbie countered evenly as he glanced at Lacey, who's momentary shift of attention rested on him, before her eyes fell back onto Danny. "We're just on our way to a movie."

"A movie?" Danny questioned almost innocently. His tone not revealing the actual knot that was forming in the center of his chest.

"Yeah, we should get going," Lacey spoke up, her voice sounding like a mixture of nervousness and ease. A fine contradiction.

"By all means," Danny offered as he finally gave Lacey his gaze. "I wouldn't want to keep you."

Something about his choice of words as well as his delivery of them, made Lacey's lips part in immediate protest. Yet nothing came out as she silently communicated too many different things at once, as their eye contact held for a second too long and Lacey felt this sudden, blazing need to reach out to him. She harnessed it quickly by crossing her arms.

"I'll see you are school tomorrow," Lacey offered in an assured tone. Partly for him, partly for her.

Danny's unflinching gaze fell back on Robbie as he neglected to counter Lacey's words at all. Lacey made the move to start walking in the other direction, as she hoped with great emphasis that Robbie would follow not too far behind. He did, much to her relief, as she let out a bit of air in her lungs that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Unconsciously and against her own better judgement, she turned to look over her shoulder and back at Danny, as she and Robbie walked away. Their eyes locked as Danny still stood in place, shoulders square, demeanor uncompromising.

Danny felt as if she unknowingly hit him like an avalanche, looking back at him in that way. Giving him her full attention while she was in the process of walking off with someone else.

Someone who wasn't him.

He felt is shoulders tighten to an almost painful degree, as he attempted to take a deep breath and head in the opposite direction. His legs wouldn't allow him to move however. He felt like he was frozen in place, that he wouldn't be able to leave that spot where he had just been so boundlessly angry, but so tersely confined. He finally allowed himself the release of clenching his fists, as his head started to pound and the entirety of what had just taken place before him, sat like a heavy weight on his chest.

Danny almost stumbled from that spot when he finally got his legs to move. He walked quickly in the direction he had just came from, trying in vain not to ring his hands and hold his breath. He felt like his heart was beating too fast and the desire to throw something began to consume him. Fortunately for him, there was nothing within his reach or grasp, what would be sufficient. He walked a few more yards and quickly darted into the threshold of a dark alley, running his hands haphazardly over his face as he attempted to get himself to calm down. He felt familiar and disjointed emotions cascade through his core, as the throbbing in his head worsened. He tried to take a deep breath, and on the exhale cursed himself, as his right fist came into harsh contact with the unforgiving brick wall in front of him.

* * *

Lacey stood in the school hall, tapping her foot and shrugging off the impatience that was trying to goad her into being more active in her attempts to find him. Usually he wasn't hard to spot, he had the same habitual patterns that she and everyone else had. There were certain hours of the school day, that he'd be in exactly the spot he'd been the day before and the week before. Routine was monotonous and expected, even for someone like him. She was starting to think that maybe he ditched, until she saw his undeniable form round the corner. He wasn't really paying attention, as he looked to be texting on his phone. Lacey took a deep breath and made the necessary strides to approach him, effectively cutting him off.

As soon as Danny saw her his face changed. He dropped his hands, as he slid his phone into his pocket. He assessed her quietly, his eyes roaming her face for a millisecond, before he attempted to walk around her. Lacey properly anticipated his movement, as her hand came up and her fingertips grazed his chest to stop him. His gazed snapped back to hers with a staunch and precise effect.

"Where are you going?" Lacey asked simply, searching his eyes.

Danny didn't give a verbal answer, just watched her watching him, as he was keenly aware of the heat that was radiating off of her fingertips.

"What?" Lacey questioned further, as his silence gave no indication of him answering her question. His eyes were still as warm and kind as they usually were, although she felt the discontent pooling off of his body with her fingers. "Are you gonna ignore me now?"

"No." Danny offered matter-a-factly. He broke their eye contact as he sighed and involuntarily rolled his shoulders. "I'm not like you."

"Ouch," Lacey managed after a pause, once his words had found their way straight to her pride. She dropped her hand from his chest. "I guess that's a fair comeback."

"It was just the truth," Danny replied, his voice even. Though the events of the night before played continually in his mind, as he looked back at her. "I couldn't ignore you if I tried."

"About last night..." Lacey began, though she trailed off as she became unsure of how to continue her sentence.

"Yeah, about it," Danny proclaimed. "How was your movie, friend?"

"Don't do that," Lacey countered as her shoulders stiffened and her eyes narrowed. "Don't be passive aggressive."

"You want me to be regular aggressive?" Danny surmised, with an edge to his tone.

"Don't joke," Lacey reasoned lightly, her gaze making a silent plea to him. "I wanna thank you."

"You wanna thank me?" Danny countered with great incredulity. His breath came out in a huff, as he cast her a look that seemed to read that he couldn't believe such a thing had even crossed her mind.

"Yeah," Lacey affirmed, shifting her body weight between two feet. The memories of the night prior revisited her: the look on his face, the way he would barely look at her, the tension in his entire being. All while she stood by somebody else; knowing deep down inside that Danny was the blueprint.

It cut at her to recall it.

"For what?" Danny almost accused. If he was a different person, he would have just ended the conversation. Or rather, if she was, he would.

Lacey suddenly didn't know how to put her gratitude into words. Or she didn't know if that was what she was trying to facilitate in the first place. Maybe it was her guilt, maybe it was her regret. But what would all of that sound like coming out of her mouth? She wasn't sure. She wasn't certain. Since she had awoken that morning, she had come to some conclusion that she was relieved and even a bit proud of how he'd acted in front of Robbie. One snide remark aside, he had actually handled himself in an okay manner. It had been awkward and she wouldn't be rushing to get the two in the same room again, but at least there had been no grand occurrences.

So, she felt a sense of appreciation. Almost as if he was, against every instinct in his body, actually trying. But that observation almost made her mournful in a way. Even if this was the transitional space that she had professed to needing.

"I know that wasn't easy for you," Lacey offered carefully.

"What wasn't?" Danny said, his tone a tad biting. "Seeing you with someone else? Not starting a fight? What?"

"You're angry," Lacey said simply. Her voice was not defensive, as it would be under different circumstances.

"No, I'm really not," Danny breathed as he took a step back, in order to allow a bit more space between them. "I just don't want to have this conversation."

"So I'm supposed to act like I didn't see you last night?" Lacey countered as she eyed him.

"What you can do is you can stop acting like I wasn't a wrench in your plans," Danny exclaimed, exasperated and highly afflicted. "Or like talking about it will somehow make it better."

"I'm sorry," Lacey mumbled, suddenly not sure what to say. It was clear that he was upset and on edge, instead of meeting him head-on in his frustration, as she usually did, which is what turned their disagreements into full fledged screaming matches, she felt remorseful and again, that nagging hint of regret.

"No, don't apologize." Danny stated firmly, his eyes portraying his discontent. Inadvertently bringing up his hand to hold the strap of his backpack. "Don't thank me, and don't apologize, let's just drop it."

Lacey didn't respond as she absorbed his words and drank in his disposition. An immense sadness fell onto her and when her eyes caught sight of his hand, her stomach instantly sank.

"What happened to your hand?" Lacey's voice came out in a hurried, jumbled mess.

Danny made an immediate attempt to drop his hand and hide it from her view, as he saw recognition line her features, along with worry and uncertainty.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Don't worry about it." Danny tried to brush it off, he made a direct attempt to walk by her again, signifying that he was done with the conversation.

Lacey made a move to cut him off mid-stride, as she placed her body in front of his again.

"Don't do that," Lacey exclaimed emphatically. "Don't tell me not to worry about it. What happened to your hand?"

"Nothing," Danny retorted, not even bothering to look her in the face as he lied.

"Bullshit, let me see your hand." Lacey demanded, holding her hand out, illustrating for him where to put his.

"No." Danny challenged, his voice went low.

"Why not?" Lacey asked urgently, her concern morphing into agitation, she felt her own impatience take hold of her.

"I gotta go," Danny mumbled, as he tried one last time to walk past her. Lacey reached out and grabbed his wrist, clasped her fingers right against his pulse points. He stopped dead in his tracks as his bright, blazing eyes met hers.

"Just let me see it," Lacey prodded, her voice suddenly going incredibly soft.

The tension that formed between them in that moment was unrelenting.

Danny felt himself immediately ache at the coolness of her fingers and the tenacity in her grip. His gaze fluttered momentarily down to her mouth. It took everything that he possessed within himself, not to press his lips against her parted ones. He felt the need all the way in the soles of his feet. Something told him, if he did, she wouldn't stop him.

But he couldn't because he knew that kissing her was not what progress looked like. They were forever at an impasse and them kissing had never changed that brutal fact. It was also against what he was supposedly working towards in therapy. Letting her go didn't coincide with pushing her against the nearest wall and kissing her senseless, whenever she touched him.

Lacey suddenly felt flushed and like the air was really thick in the part of the hall they were currently standing in. She realized her heart had started beating at a much more rapid pace and she for a split second thought that he was going to kiss her. She almost readied herself for the act. But it didn't come as she tore her eyes from his, and brought his hand into her line of vision. When she saw the fresh scabs and bruises peppered over his knuckles, her stomach tied into knots. Her mind automatically went to the dreams she'd been having, as she looked back up into his face.

"Did you get in a fight?" Lacey questioned, her voice calm and not accusatory.

"No," Danny answered definitively, though his breath hitched in his throat when she released his wrist, and ran her palm on the underside of his hand against his.

"Then how did this happen?" Lacey pressed further. All she could imagine was him getting into a fight with someone after he'd seen her and Robbie. Her heartbeat quickened even further, and she filled the space that he had forgone earlier, by stepping towards him.

"Lacey stop it," Danny warned gently, feeling the familiar urge creep into his mind. However, it was accompanied by his apprehension and agitation regarding the entire encounter. Now faced with her apparent concern, he felt slighted. His words to Dr. Wright about being her loose end ricocheted in his thoughts.

"Stop what?" Lacey asked, overflowing with genuine concern.

"Stop trying to handle me, trying to take care of me," Danny whispered, his voice having trouble relaying his words. He pulled his hand away from hers. "When you know that's a responsibility that you don't actually want."

Lacey felt her throat tighten as the impact of his words deeply resonated in the pit of her gut. Lacey's face easily displayed how his words had affected her. Danny took an additional step away.

"That's not true," Lacey offered, her voice cracking under the weight of the moment and his accusation.

"I have to go," Danny responded, as he momentarily squeezed his eyes shut, and ran his uninjured hand over his sad and tired face.

"It's lunch," Lacey pointed out after she paused. Realizing she herself didn't want to continue on with that particular subject matter, although it tore her up inside to not know how he'd messed up his hand. "Where are you going?"

"To meet Amelia," Danny relented after regretting to immediately answer.

He hadn't meant to sting her with those particular words. Especially after the look on her face his prior statement had garnered. But that didn't stop her monumentally visceral reaction. Lacey broke their eye contact and took a deep breathe, willing herself to keep it together as long as he was standing in front of her. When Danny realized she didn't have anything left to say, he swiftly, and at last successfully, brushed past her and walked away.


End file.
